Hef’s Grandgirlfrienddaughters.

People ask me on a near daily basis how it is that I maintain my 175lb weight loss. There is no magic bullet. No pill I take that makes it all go away. To put it simply, I watch what I eat like a mother loving hawk, using a food tracking app, keeping things out of my sight, and filling up on the right foods. That, paired with a decent amount of exercise keeps my weight in check. Don’t get me wrong, if there were a pill I could take that would trick my brain into thinking kale is an oreo, I’d take eleven of them.

A big part of my eating habits is eating A LOT of the right foods. I love volume eating. For those of you who aren’t aware of what volume eating or volumetrics is, it’s essentially eating a lot of low-energy dense foods (water heavy, low sugar fruits and veggies like tomatoes, onions, carrots, and berries) and making sure that the high-energy foods (breads, full-fat dairy, brownies, grains, brownies, meats, brownies) are extremely high quality and are more of the accent, than the main focus of a dessert meal. The “diet” (it’s really a lifestyle) calls for a lot of soups and stews, salads and raw veggies. If you don’t like soups and salads, volumetrics isn’t for you.

In general, I eat one serving of grain at each meal, breakfast being the heaviest in grains, a high quality protein at each meal, a high quality fat, and a lot of fruits and vegetables. Most of my snacks are fruits and vegetables, often, it is a soup that looks like it could be a meal in itself.

This is not a crash diet, you’re not going to go from (___insert star name here___) before “Dancing With the Stars” to (___insert star name here___) after “DWTS”. It’s a lifestyle that you learn to live with and love. Well, “love” in the same sense you would feel if you got stopped in Hollywood to be a contestant on “Jaywalking” and you paid attention in History class, so you remember what John Adams did before he was president, and not just who Hef’s last three grandgirlfrienddaughters were.

Last night’s dinner was a prime example of volume eating. The recipe I made was meant to serve 4, but after we had eaten our fill, we had LOTS of leftovers. We were just THAT full.

Healthy Chicken Casserole

by Cat Tan

Prep Time: 20 minutes

Cook Time: 35 minutes

Keywords: bake entree gluten-free American

Ingredients (serves 4-5)

  • 12 oz chopped chicken thigh or breast
  • 1 2/3 cup cooked brown rice
  • 15 oz canned chopped tomatoes
  • 1/2 lb chopped carrot
  • 1/2 cup frozen corn kernels
  • 1/2 large onion, chopped
  • 12 large cocktail olives
  • 2 bell peppers, chopped
  • 1 cup cilantro (measured first, then chopped)
  • 1 jalapeno, seeded and chopped
  • 1 TBSP cumin
  • 1 tsp coriander
  • 1 TBSP chopped garlic
  • 1/2 tsp onion powder
  • 1 tsp smoked paprika
  • 1/3 of an 8z bag low fat cheddar cheese
  • salt and pepper

Instructions

Preheat oven to 350F

on an indoor grill,

salt and pepper the chicken

grill all the way through

chop the chicken into 1″ cubes

combine all of the other ingredients except for the cheese

pour into casserole dish

top with cheese

bake, uncovered for 30 minutes

optional-top with plain yogurt, salsa, and avocado

Incidentally, to make this vegetarian-sub the chicken for 1 can of spicy black beans!

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It Rubs the Pumpkin on Its Skin!!!

Here’s my thought. A lot of old school nursery rhymes are really friggen creepy.

“Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pail of water; Jack fell down and broke his crown; and Jill came tumbling after.”

Chores=head injury

“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall; Humpty Dumpty had a great fall; All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty together again.”

This one might be a Darwin Awards thing. Plus, I don’t think horses make the best EMTs.

Then there’s this one.

Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater, had a wife and couldn’t keep her; He put her in a pumpkin shell, and there he kept her very well.

This goes one of two ways. 1: Peter just made a pudding or a pie out of that poor broad. Scenario 2: He built her a pumpkin house like Cinderella’s worst nightmare and kept her there Buffalo Bill style. IT RUBS THE PUMPKIN ON ITS SKIN OR ELSE IT GETS THE SPICE AGAIN!!!

Pumpkin Broad sounded delicious for breakfast, so I decided I’d see if I liked it.

Pumpkin Polenta (Or, if you read “Goodnight Moon” this is a less creepy bowl full of mush-minus the weird old bunny lady whispering “hush”)

Pumpkin Polenta serves 2

  • 1/2 cup white corn polenta-NOT instant
  • 1 cup water
  • 1 cup soy, almond, or cow’s milk
  • 2t butter (optional)
  • 1/3 cup pumpkin puree
  • 1/2 t pumpkin pie spice
  • maple syrup to taste

Bring water and milk to a full, rolling boil. slowly stir in polenta and lower heat to med/med-low. Slowly stir until it is a porridge consistency. (about 15 minutes) Stir in spices, pumpkin, and butter. Taste. Stir in maple syrup until you reach desired sweetness. (The pumpkin is naturally sweet, so it shouldn’t take much!)

I suggest drinking coffee with it because that is what I did. Elijah suggests a vanilla almond smoothie. (ice. vanilla almond milk, honeyed almond butter, whir!!!)

 

Will You Marry Me in Canada?

Today was deemed an “Oatmeal Day” by my three year old. Even though it’s hot as balls outside, it was nice and cool in here. You see, here in the NE we crank the AC at about 70 degrees. We are a hearty people and enjoy a good chill in the air.

I actually think Tim and I would do great in Maine or Canada if it weren’t for Canada being a different country and all. (USA! USA! USA!) The only Queen I hold sovereign wore a white jumpsuit and played the piano. That, and Tim’s French is total shit. My Celine Dion impersonation is pretty killer, though.

I do however, like how Canadians get their milk in bags. It really feels closer to the udder. Like Canadians are just sucking on the giant teet of life. I could even get gay married ANYWHERE up there to the real, first love of my life, Barbra Streisand. Can you picture it? Matching dresses, vows sung, both our current husbands as bridesmen! It could be epic.

 

Oh yes, the oats, the oats.

Here they are.

This recipe will serve 4 or two adults and one ravenous toddler.

  • 4 honeycrisp or jazz apples (or your fave sturdy apple!!) sliced
  • 1 1/3 cups of Coach’s Oats
  • 1 cup water
  • 1 cup vanilla almond milk
  • 1 cup apple cider
  • 1/3 cup low fat soy creamer
  • 2 teaspoons of cinnamon divided
  • 1T plus 1t brown sugar
  • 1T butter
  • 4 egg whites
  • 1 whole egg
  • grate of fresh nutmeg
  • dash of salt

{preheat oven to 350F} In a skillet, melt the butter on medium high, add one tsp of brown sugar, and one tsp of cinnamon. Add in apples and cook until crisp tender and caramelized. About 7 minutes.
In a saucepan comine water, milk, cider, salt, and cinnamon. Bring to a simmer, stir in oats and brown sugar. Simmer and stir for about 3 and a half minutes. In a large, heat proof bowl whisk eggs and egg whites, temper the eggs into oats and stir well. Pour into pie shell and bake until set. (About 15 minutes) Serve topped with the cooked apples and maybe a tiny bit of cream. YUMMMMMM!

Mothers are Thieves.

Dear Elijah and Hot Chelle Rae,

I have have to hear “there’s a party on the rooftop, top of the world” (Tonight, Tonight) one more time, I will jump off of the rooftop. The song was fun the first 943753496x, but now, I just want it to end. At least there’s a corresponding dance to “Party Rock Anthem.” I don’t know if you know this, but I know the WHOLE “Thriller” dance, 2.5 seconds of “If,” and half of “Hit Me Baby One More Time.” It might not be my finest quality, but I’m fun at a party. (I’ve never been able to do a keg stand-I needed something!!!)

Also, if you practice the “Party Rock Anthem” long enough, it DEFINITELY counts as a workout. Bonus points if you’re in costume.

Does anyone know where I can get cheetah/leather leggings? I think I need some. Halloween? Solved. I just need to figure out how to trick or treat while dancing. It can be done.

“We get candy, don’t be mad, now stop, riesen is bad.

One more stop for us, another house,

please fill up our cup, please don’t mess around,

you just want to see, us take it now,

now the treat bowl be, it naked now.”

I soooooo got this. I already have super cool nails for it.

black on taupe lace from sally hansen. I’m in love. a lot.- a lot a lot.

I think Elijah may be old enough to notice all of his white tootsie rolls have disappeared this year.  Oh, were you wondering who stole your candy as a kid? I’ll give you a clue, IT WAS YOUR MOM! I’M ON TO YOU, MOM!! I KNOW WHY ALL MY GUM DISAPPEARED!! IT WASN’T POISON!!!!

Do you know what else wasn’t poison? This.

This is the perfect potato. Decadent, healthy, delicious.

This recipe is for one potato.

  • one idaho russet
  • 1 T olive oil (divided into 3 teaspoons)
  • sea salt and pepper
  • a firm goat cheese
  • scallion

Preheat oven to 350. Clean potato well,  rub outside with 1 teaspoon of evoo and a dash of sea salt. Roast until “almost” done. Remove from oven, and when hot, slice into thin slices almost all the way through, like you’re making an accordion.  Pull apart slices a bit, drizzle with remaining oil, salt and pepper. Roast until tender. Remove from oven and grate cheese over top and top with scallion. It’s life changingly good.

 

 

 

Celebrity Smackdown

Yes, I worked out yesterday (4 quick mi on the dreadmill) Yes, we ate a healthful dinner (lighter macaroni and cheese and a HUGE barely any lettuce salad) YES, I am finishing up my cupboard organization, but what I am REALLY excited about is the line up for “Semi-Famous and/or Washed Up Quasi-Celebs do the Conga” aka “Dancing With The Stars!!!!!!!”

Did you SEE THE LINEUP? I can’t decide what I am more anxious for, Nancy Grace being eliminated and RAILING about it for DAYS, Casey Anthony verdict style? Or perhaps, Ricki Lake could referee a fight between Nancy Grace and Kristin Cavallari!! Do we think Rob and Kristin are going to fall superficially deeply in love, and marry in the end? ON TV? I hope Carson Kressley gets in a bitch fight with his costumer over rhinestone placement. The obvious heroes of this series are going to be Hope Solo of “soccabaw” (as the three year old calls it) and JR Martinez, already an American hero as an Iraq war vet. My guess is that 3 weeks into it, all the drama will have him longing for the sandbox.

I.Can’t.Wait. It should really be a sh!tstorm. Also, the leader of the Robot Apocalypse (Dick Cheney)  is all over my teevees right now, and I think he is sending me subliminal messages to re-create my computer into a warrior against socialism that will undoubtedly kill me in my sleep. Must.Fight.Urge.

On to……COOOOOOKIIIIIIEEES

These are GLUTEN FREE!!!!

Makes 16 cookies

  • one cup peanut butter
  • one egg
  • one cup + 2T sugar

Preheat oven to 350F Combine all ingredients reserving 2T sugar, form dough into 1″ balls and roll the balls in the reserved sugar. Place balls on parchment lined cookie sheet, criss cross each with a fork. Bake 10-13 minutes

These cookies are moist, dense, and delicious.

To gild the lily:

add 3/4 cup dark chocolate chips

roll the balls in crushed RAW peanuts and sea salt

halfway through baking sprinkle with bacon bits!! (Don’t say you didn’t think about it)

make into cookie sandwiches with jam in the middle.