Scotch and Amnesia

Remember the Brady Episode with the Tiki god? One little charm and sh!t went crazy!! Accidents all over the place, trouble being caused, havoc being wreaked. Oh those Brady’s and the trouble they get in. What would happen if you brought me, my husband, and the offspring to the last Tiki bar in NYC? Obviously, I needed to find out.

To be honest, this wasn’t my first time at the tiki bar that Anthony Bourdain visited on “No Reservations”, and I know it won’t be my last. It was my first time trying the cocktails. I know, I know, who goes to a tiki bar and just drinks the oolong tea? Apparently, me. Not last night!! I ordered a headhunter; so named because after you drink one, you can’t find yours.

scotch, juices, and maybe amnesia?

This drink is strong, but delicious. Halfway in, I was looking for Tom Selleck and pehaps, a girl in a grass skirt to get lei’d with.  Now, because he had one when they were cool, but way before they were cool again, does that make his, the ORIGINAL hipster moustache? Moreover, do you think he went to the bar in 1982 and offered free rides? If he went to this bar, he probably did.

Yes, that’s a blowfish lamp. Really hard to change the bulb.

Elijah LOVES this place. I mean he LOVES it. He wants to have his birthday party here, (“Lost” theme? “Hawaii 5-0″?) He wants to eat here every night. It may be the noodles, or it may be the fact that the server was super excited when Elijah told him “thank you” in Chinese. -sidenote: Anyone else out there have a husband and kid that can speak a language you can’t? I am pretty sure they could be discussing possible birthday gifts or ways to have me bumped off without me knowing. Must.Learn.Chinese.

fried noodle chip. aka Chinese nachos.

The noodles are great, and the food is really good, but do not mistake this food for authentic, traditional, Chinese food. It is Chinese/Polynesian food for white people. This is not the sort of place where you are given chopsticks and have to ask for a fork. This is the kind of place where if you ask for chopsticks and they go in the back, dig for 5 minutes, and find some from their personal stash.

See? Even the Chinese guy is eating with a fork. It took some practice.

Wouldn’t it be funny if he carried around chopsticks with him and ate with them everywhere, just to screw with people? Go into Otto or Babbo and whip them out and eat his spaghetti with chopsticks. How about a pizzeria? Pull off all of the toppings and eat them one by one with chopsticks? I’d kill to see people’s reactions. Tim said he wouldn’t do it. Spoil Sport.

This might have been his reaction to me telling him to carry personal chopsticks.

That’s ok, Tim. From now on, I make you eat everything with chopsticks. Tonight’s dinner? Butternut Squash and apple soup.

Favorite Brady Episode?

-The one where Alice meets Al

Are you a spaghetti twirler or chopper?

-chopper. Don’t hate me, you lovely Italians.

 

Setting Britney Spears on Fire.

Wow, the weather is a real crap show, isn’t it? I suppose my Texas readers don’t really want to hear about us getting MORE rain, but there you have it. We have floods, you have drought, the military now has gays. One of these things is AWESOME. Guess which? I’ll tell you one thing, gays don’t make my pumpkins cost more $$, they only carve them with the image of Britney Spears and light them with cinnamon scented candles.

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Today is the perfect day for doing precisely squat. Captain Crazypants and I like to call it a “snoogle” day. It’s a day where we stay in our jams/yoga pants and snoogle on the sofa and play the Wii. It’s going to be fab. Tonight is BodyPump, so I can relax a little during the day!

cuddles.

Last night, the cop and the captain had chiropractic appointments that took wayyyyyy longer than we had anticipated, (because apparently, Tim’s ass IS in fact, twisted.) So we headed over to a favorite Chinese restaurant near our house. After his appointment, the captain was yelling “I’M HUNGRY, I WANT KI-NEEZE FOOD!! NOODLES!!” Makes it easy that way. Appease the hunger beast.

We ordered mostly Southern style Chinese dishes of roast duck, suckling pig, char siu, beef chow fun, sauteed yao choy, and beef with parsley and cilantro egg drop soup. The cop and the captain were so excited they could hardly contain themselves.”Meat? On meatless Monday? Must be our lucky week!!”

I realize this isn’t what the cop refers to as “white people Chinese food.” But trust me when I tell you, it’s really good. The greens are sauteed mostly in chicken broth so it doesn’t taste like it has as much grease Paula Deen’s arteries. It’s light. The noodles have more sauce, but that’s not the main focus of your meal. Traditional Chinese meals are served family style with tapas sized portions. You hate yourself a lot less after eating this meal than you did after spring break that one year that one time.

Now, all I have to do is devise a way to beat this kid at Wii bowling. He’s a damn fine virtual bowler. If he weren’t so active, I’d be concerned about a future surrounded by Gennessee tall boys and smooth soled shoes. I think I’m totally safe though. He doesn’t like drinking out of cans.