Tag Archives: Bullying

Pale and Living in a Closet.

  By breakfasttobed | October 12, 2011 - 7:40 PM | ,
10 Comments

It is easy to tell if you are in a NYC gym. Just look in on a class, is one out of every three women pale and in black head to toe? you’re in NYC.

I noticed this phenomena again last night at BodyPump. We NY’ers really DO wear a crapton of black. I have NO idea why. We aren’t depressed, we aren’t gothic, we just like black. Maybe we like to appear brooding and mysterious, or maybe doing laundry is effing expensive and we prefer to do it less.

I wore all black my first few years of high school as a gothic nightmare because it was easier to deal with getting picked on for that than for my weight. This one, evil kid made fun of my weight anyhow, and a few years in, I gave it up. Do you ever wonder if those kids are still a-holes or if they’ve changed? He had a swath of red hair, so it was like an amplification of his angry personality. The only ginger I never liked.

In NY, you NEED to workout like a rabid bunny on a rampage because of all of the great food available. We love to eat. We also love to live in closets on top of one another and walk everywhere in the rain. I didn’t say we were normal, I said we were NY’ers.

One of these loverly people, Monique of The Eatinist Bitch posted a recipe on Couple of Crumbs for key lime cheesecake. I effing love key lime pie, key lime popsicles, key lime margaritas, key lime body scrub (not to eat) why wouldn’t I love key lime cheesecake? I knew my mission.

I halved the recipe as it is just the cop, the captain, and I eating it, and it still turned out great. I ended up baking it in a 8″x8″ square pan and using 10 or 11 (100?) key limes.

Note: juicing and zesting key limes is a pain, but it is worth it. The cheesecake is not overly sweet and can be made gluten free if you use gluten free crust ingredients and almond flour in the cake itself. It is rich and lovely and light. Perfect with tea and mojitos!!!

Were you picked on as a teen?

Do you LOVE citrus desserts?

18 things I wish I could tell my 18 year old self.

  By breakfasttobed | July 11, 2011 - 5:30 PM |
8 Comments

It was just the other day that I realized that this past June marked 10 years since I graduated high school. I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed, or how much I had changed.

At 18, I was an overweight social outcast with virtually no self-esteem. I smoked a pack of cigarettes a day, ate a ridiculously unhealthy vegetarian diet, and spent more time at the bar than anywhere else. I wasn’t a drinker. I hung out at Drag bars with various other social outcasts. I wish that I had known then what I know now. Alas, that is called “growing.”

1. Don’t doubt yourself. You aren’t crazy. You’re just depressed. It will pass.

2. G-d gives you one body. Cherish it. Treat it right and it will treat you right.

3. Just because other people don’t understand you doesn’t mean no one will. Just the opposite, you’ll eventually find loads of them.

4. Not all Christians are stamped from a cookie cutter. If someone makes you feel bad for your walk with Christ, that’s on THEM not YOU.

5. Stick with your desire to act and perform. Eventually, you WILL make money at it. It will just take a while.

6. Some of those theatre friends, the ones people make fun of you for now, will still be your best friends in many, many years.

7. Don’t let jerks get to you. Your dad was right. 10% of the world will love you no matter what, 10% will hate you no matter what, the other 80% really doesn’t give a hoot.

8. Your siblings are your rocks. Embrace them. You WILL stop hating your baby brother eventually.

9. Don’t believe the high school principal who took you aside and said you wouldn’t amount to a hill of beans, because your hill is pretty high, and you mean a lot to people.

10. GET OFF YOUR ASS AND MOVE!!! It will TAKE-OVER your life. You’ll instantly be less depressed and more centered. GET RUNNING.

11. Put french fry down. Close mouth. Drink more iced tea. You know you love iced tea.

12. Contrary to people who have told you otherwise, you WILL be a great mom. Your kids will be smart, energetic, and happy as ever.

13. You may have to kiss a frog or two, but your prince is right around the corner. (down rt 80, over a few bridges, and in Brooklyn.)

14. Your mom’s chili will always be your favorite. Quit trying everyone else’s. It won’t compare.

15. You aren’t a “gargantuan animal.” You are “statuesque.”

16. Eventually, you will be a champion for people just like you. The bullied, the marginalized, the depressed, the ones with ADHD, the ones with only a few, close friends.

17. You’ll still wear a lot of black, but you’ll wear a lot less. Get over it. It doesn’t make you mysterious, it just makes you boring. Embrace blue.

18. Most Importantly. Love yourself. No one will love you like you do, and you can’t fully love others until you do.

Wow..Early Mother’s Day Gift….and bullying.

  By Cat Tan | April 27, 2011 - 6:00 AM |
2 Comments

    So God must have heard my prayers because today at the OBGYN, I was 2-3 centimeters dilated. Which means…May 7th they are taking me in. (If I make it that far.) So for the next 10 days, I am on bedrest(ish). Keep her in until 38+weeks and have MY doctor there to deliver her. Elijah is NOT ready. Today at the doctor when she looked at my little man and asked him, "Are you ready for your baby sister to come?" He promptly replied "no" and went back to watching "buzz wite-ear" on Tim's iphone.

    Let me tell you, I hadn't been on bedrest for 6 hours and I was already tired of it. My ADHD immediately went out of control. There were a million things I could be doing other than laying in bed watching "Seinfeld" reruns. Laundry, cooking dinner, changing sheets on the bed, ANYTHING but being forced to just lie there like cheese on a biscuit. Seriously, I go for 37 weeks DYING to lie in bed and do nothing, but when I am forced to do it, I go crazypants. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?! Seriously.  But it seems my early Mother's day gift WILL be my daughter. Yay. Yay.Yay. I can't wait to meet her.

    On a COMPLETELY different note, did any of you see this little gem? Or maybe, this one? Remember the unfortunate, tragic suicide of the girl in Massachusetts last year? Well it seems as though the offenders are trying to plea out. Also, to add insult to injury, a new study shows that 1 in 4 Mass. students are bullied. I can't decide how I feel about the plea deal. On one hand, I don't want more young lives ruined because of this incident, and on the other hand, as a victim of vicious bullying, I don't think they should be allowed a plea-deal, and if ONE IN FOUR kids are being bullied, I am even more unsure what to do. I am fairly certain there is no right answer to this. These kids were VICIOUS. Taking their attacks to the internet and making them public forever. This poor girl thought the only way out was to take her own life. I know that feeling. For a period of time in my senior year of high school, I was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. I was fortunate enough to have parents that knew what to do and a few really, really, good friends to support me. Beautiful women who are still my friends today. These girls and guys are being attacked on all fronts. It's far worse now than when I was in high school. If you're overweight, with the click of a button, the whole world can see your problem areas without you knowing it. Information is disseminated at a rate unfathomable to us ten years ago. The bullying carries a heavier weight. It's permanently out there. You can't take it back. Everything is recorded. All that I hope is that I can raise my children to understand that just NOT bullying isn't enough. You need to be the one to stick up for those being bullied. I had friends like that. Everyone deserves friends like that. 

Too Fat for Fifteen-Too Much for Me to Watch.

  By Cat Tan | April 19, 2011 - 7:18 AM |
2 Comments

        Let me start this out by saying, I was an overweight teen. I was an obese adult. I KNOW firsthand what these kids are going through on a daily basis. I was bullied, I was depressed. I hated a lot of what makes your teen years so fun for so many. I put up a huge front. I became a "goth," figuring that if everyone saw the black clothing and steely makeup first, they'd notice my weight less. I remember one day looking down at my gym teacher's attendance book to see "freak" written by my name. (The kids took attendance in this class.) I went to the locker room and cried. Bullies are bullies are bullies. This is why on one hand I watch Too Fat for Fifteen…Fighting Back and I think, "Wow, these kids are really brave to put their story and struggles out there for everyone to see." On the other hand I also think, as I am watching a girl have a moment on the scale I have had several times, peeling off tee shirts hoping it's .5lbs worth of clothing, "why does this show exist?" Is it really so that we can cheer for them and provide a cautionary tale about the toll of childhood obesity, or is it so we can all feel a little self-righteous? OUR kids would NEVER get that big. They'll all be SUPER active and eat REALLY well.

    Last year, when teens were asked what they wanted to be when they grew up, the #1 answer given was "famous." Not a doctor or a lawyer or even an actress, they want to be famous. In this day and age, that clearly means "by any means necessary." It seems as though their parents are also encouraging this. Seriously, what parent says to themselves, "I am going to let a reality tv crew from "Style" follow my overweight preteen/teen around and document their every move." That seems perfectly rational. *eyeroll* Once you meet the parents; you understand. These people are awful. One mother tells her kid to avoid dressings and chips while they party down on pulled pork and macaroni and cheese; one mother mocks her daughter's new recipes and then declares them "delicious" when she adds more salt and seasonings. These parents want to be famous just as much as their kids. It's truly sad.

    The Wellspring program is by definition a DIET. It does not seem like a lifestyle plan. It is all fat-free this and sugar-free that. If I have learned anything by keeping the weight off for 5+ years, it's that you need a sustainable LIFESTYLE. You need fat in your diet to keep you sated, and to feed your brain. If you don't, you're going to get grouchy and you're going to fight back against the things that may be the best for you. (like running a 5k or waking at 5 for a spin class) It is no wonder these kids are fighting back–against the program. They feel deprived. Who can stand that feeling? How many people do you know that are chipper and happy when they are quitting smoking? ZERO. Same principal. Trust me, I've done both.

    I now know that I NEED to exercise every day to stay healthy and to be able to eat some of the things I enjoy. I know that I need to talk about my feelings to keep them from consuming me. I know that I need to distract myself when I am bored to keep my hands out of the fridge. These kids may or may not learn this. For their sake, I hope they do. I hope they also can do it without the cameras.