Tag Archives: britney spears

Whacking.

  By breakfasttobed | October 1, 2011 - 5:45 PM |
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20111001-131617.jpg this is what you buy when your son has a cold and doesn’t want to eat anything. He then proceeds to refuse the bananas, spill the power shake, and ignore the olives. The next step is to promise to take him running in the morning if he eats.

Right now, after a trying moment with the captain, I feel the need for a really long run. 10 mi+. It clears my head.

On days like today, I feel a little like a combination of a less homicidal Jack Torrence from “The Shining” and a taller “Sybil.” this is why I don’t make fun of freshly shorn Britney. We’re all just one long day and a pair of clippers away from whacking the paparazzi with an umbrella.

This folks, is why G-d gave me legs that run. Because he knows I need an outlet. Things I wish I would’ve known as a teenager. I was certifiable.

Setting Britney Spears on Fire.

  By breakfasttobed | September 20, 2011 - 2:05 PM | , , , , ,
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Wow, the weather is a real crap show, isn’t it? I suppose my Texas readers don’t really want to hear about us getting MORE rain, but there you have it. We have floods, you have drought, the military now has gays. One of these things is AWESOME. Guess which? I’ll tell you one thing, gays don’t make my pumpkins cost more $$, they only carve them with the image of Britney Spears and light them with cinnamon scented candles.

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Today is the perfect day for doing precisely squat. Captain Crazypants and I like to call it a “snoogle” day. It’s a day where we stay in our jams/yoga pants and snoogle on the sofa and play the Wii. It’s going to be fab. Tonight is BodyPump, so I can relax a little during the day!

cuddles.

Last night, the cop and the captain had chiropractic appointments that took wayyyyyy longer than we had anticipated, (because apparently, Tim’s ass IS in fact, twisted.) So we headed over to a favorite Chinese restaurant near our house. After his appointment, the captain was yelling “I’M HUNGRY, I WANT KI-NEEZE FOOD!! NOODLES!!” Makes it easy that way. Appease the hunger beast.

We ordered mostly Southern style Chinese dishes of roast duck, suckling pig, char siu, beef chow fun, sauteed yao choy, and beef with parsley and cilantro egg drop soup. The cop and the captain were so excited they could hardly contain themselves.”Meat? On meatless Monday? Must be our lucky week!!”

I realize this isn’t what the cop refers to as “white people Chinese food.” But trust me when I tell you, it’s really good. The greens are sauteed mostly in chicken broth so it doesn’t taste like it has as much grease Paula Deen’s arteries. It’s light. The noodles have more sauce, but that’s not the main focus of your meal. Traditional Chinese meals are served family style with tapas sized portions. You hate yourself a lot less after eating this meal than you did after spring break that one year that one time.

Now, all I have to do is devise a way to beat this kid at Wii bowling. He’s a damn fine virtual bowler. If he weren’t so active, I’d be concerned about a future surrounded by Gennessee tall boys and smooth soled shoes. I think I’m totally safe though. He doesn’t like drinking out of cans.

 

Mothers are Thieves.

  By breakfasttobed | September 13, 2011 - 2:01 PM | , , , ,
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Dear Elijah and Hot Chelle Rae,

I have have to hear “there’s a party on the rooftop, top of the world” (Tonight, Tonight) one more time, I will jump off of the rooftop. The song was fun the first 943753496x, but now, I just want it to end. At least there’s a corresponding dance to “Party Rock Anthem.” I don’t know if you know this, but I know the WHOLE “Thriller” dance, 2.5 seconds of “If,” and half of “Hit Me Baby One More Time.” It might not be my finest quality, but I’m fun at a party. (I’ve never been able to do a keg stand-I needed something!!!)

Also, if you practice the “Party Rock Anthem” long enough, it DEFINITELY counts as a workout. Bonus points if you’re in costume.

Does anyone know where I can get cheetah/leather leggings? I think I need some. Halloween? Solved. I just need to figure out how to trick or treat while dancing. It can be done.

“We get candy, don’t be mad, now stop, riesen is bad.

One more stop for us, another house,

please fill up our cup, please don’t mess around,

you just want to see, us take it now,

now the treat bowl be, it naked now.”

I soooooo got this. I already have super cool nails for it.

black on taupe lace from sally hansen. I’m in love. a lot.- a lot a lot.

I think Elijah may be old enough to notice all of his white tootsie rolls have disappeared this year.  Oh, were you wondering who stole your candy as a kid? I’ll give you a clue, IT WAS YOUR MOM! I’M ON TO YOU, MOM!! I KNOW WHY ALL MY GUM DISAPPEARED!! IT WASN’T POISON!!!!

Do you know what else wasn’t poison? This.

This is the perfect potato. Decadent, healthy, delicious.

This recipe is for one potato.

  • one idaho russet
  • 1 T olive oil (divided into 3 teaspoons)
  • sea salt and pepper
  • a firm goat cheese
  • scallion

Preheat oven to 350. Clean potato well,  rub outside with 1 teaspoon of evoo and a dash of sea salt. Roast until “almost” done. Remove from oven, and when hot, slice into thin slices almost all the way through, like you’re making an accordion.  Pull apart slices a bit, drizzle with remaining oil, salt and pepper. Roast until tender. Remove from oven and grate cheese over top and top with scallion. It’s life changingly good.