Do you know what you get when you put away your toys without being told?
Do you know what that sexy piece of heaven is? A slice of martin’s whole wheat potato bread toasted and smeared with all natural peanut butter, grilled bananas and shaved Ghiradelli’s 70% dark chocolate. Healthy as Heaven, Sinful as Hell.
After I give him this wonderful treat. The three year old showers me with kisses and hugs and “I wuv you, Mama!”
Turns out it was all a ruse. I go into his room, and he spilled his water everywhere. EVERYWHERE. But guess what? I don’t care, because at least it wasn’t bananas.
I went 14 hours without using the “F” word 14 whole hours. I was feeling good! Feeling proud. Feeling strong. I got through an entire shopping trip at a ridiculously crowded Barnes and Noble in a crunchy/literary (literally literary-full of Authors) neighborhood. To get this book. Incidentally, I just finished another book from this author “Slammerkin” (AMAZING) recommended to me by the speedy Canadian Librarian, Ellie London . If you need a book suggestion, who better to ask than a Librarian????
Not a single “F” word in the store. Not after tripping over a teenager’s computer cord running across the middle of the aisle, or after the Starbucks people took 9 years to get my salted caramel mocha (one shot of each, iced, extra shaky salt, skim) And not after I had to renew my Barnes and Noble membership card. Not once.
Until I got back to my car. My car, parked in a shady spot, on top of a puddle, under a tree. My husband, kids, and I all loaded up into the car, and we were joined with a near invisible stowaway. Until that little beast bit me. (no, not the 3 year old, he doesn’t bite) “OW. F^%$K!!” What was that? “Damn it!!!” Scratch scratch scratch. Again, me “OW F*****CK! What the hell???” Scratch scratch scratch. “GET THAT MOSQUITO OUT OF THIS DAMN CAR NOW BEFORE I BREAK EVERY WINDOW!!!!” I started going into irrational smack everything mode. Tim may or may not have been hit. There was key shaking, window opening, and shooing. I have two battle scars from it. And the clock on my commitment to a f**k free vocabulary begins again.
Clearly, I need to work off some energy. My knee is KILLING me so tonight I’ll be hitting up the ol’ elliptical and arc trainer. (Bring on the magazines!! I am sure someone is pregnant, some celeb is getting married, and another one is clearly addicted to Sensa.) I am going to to 20 minutes on each focusing on forward motion on the arc and backward motion on the elliptical. Tomorrow, on the other hand is my class with Ashley at Equinox in the city. SOOOO excited. I LOVE new classes. They kind of make my life. Add in a bunch of other bloggers and follow it with happy hour and you have yourself the recipe for disaster a great time! I can’t wait to meet Ashley!! Her blog is great! Check it out!
Do you know what’s depressing? Going to a liquor store, buying Hennessy and Cointreau, NOT getting carded, and seeing the girl behind you get carded. Granted, this girl looked as though she might have only escaped her mother’s ladyparts sometime last week, but it.still.stings. I’m 28 for Pete’s sake, not 48!
It made the Hennessy and Cointreau that much more necessary. Today is Thursday, thus making it “Thirstday.” I have a delightful, classic cocktail recipe for you. This one is old-school, prohibition old-school. You will obviously be the coolest cat at the bar when you order this, I know I never am always am. Also, I’m just doing my part to class you people up! Just kidding, I know you guys are the classiest bunch around.
Except you. Yes, you with the Keystone Light. If you are going to drink a KL you AT LEAST be need to have an awesome beer cozy like this one.
you see? class. I have the set.
This drink was first made for me by a bearded hipster (not to be confused with a hipster beard) in the East Village some time in 2004. (after I turned 21) He asked me what I liked, and I told him oranges and margaritas. I was quite the sophisticate. He suggested I try a “sidecar,” and I proceeded to fall in love with what would eventually become my signature drink.
The Sidecar (serves 1)
1.5 oz Cognac
1 oz Cointreau (If you use grand marnier, you’ll need more.)
.5 oz FRESH lemon juice
Shake with ice and serve up or on the rocks. It’s really a personal preference. ONE is enough for ANYONE. More than one, and instead of this drink tasting like heaven, it will taste like remorse. Happy Friday.
Discount sites are all the rage. Groupon, LivingSocial, ScoutMob, BuyWithMe, PopSugar, etc. They are not always selling something I’m interested in. Today was something special. Yesterday, Groupon was selling lipo. Not.Kidding. The old fat vacuum. Today, BuyWithMe, was selling this piece of magic.
I mean, who hasn’t looked at pictures of themselves and thought, “you know what would make this picture better? If I were naked and painted with an animal” I know I have. My dreams can now be fulfilled with a steep discount on my custom sexypainting.
If you are new here and haven’t ventured to my about me section, then you don’t know that about 6 years ago I lost 175 lbs. (yeah, you read that right. I lost a high school boy or a Manny Paquiao) Because I hadn’t had kids yet, I wasn’t a recommended candiate for skin removal surgery. *DISCLAIMER: TMI AHEAD!! LAST EXIT BEFORE BRIDGE!!*
As it stands it is NOT cute under my clothes. I wear a lot of expensive, compression underoos, and invest in a crapton of BodyGlide. So, if I were to get an animal painted on my body it would have to be a lot less tiger, and a lot more shar pei. Perhaps, I could get my spirit animal…
A big reason why I get up every day with a fitness plan in mind, is so that my kids have a good example of what “fit” means. I like to encourage family walks, hikes, bike rides, and yes; dancing. I do plan on enrolling my daughter in dance, not because I want her to be a star or a prima ballerina or actor (as an actor, I’d LOVE for her to be a teacher or engineer or museum curator or ANYTHING other than an actor!) Instead, I want her to gain confidence from it. Confidence in what her body can do. How it can move, how graceful it is. How STRONG it is. It’s the same reason she’ll also, like her brother, be enrolled in Kung Fu. Don’t worry, if Elijah wants to take dance, he will. Right now, all that boy talks about is Kung-Fu, soccer, and baseball.
in her leotard and leg warmers. she’s ready!!
But if I EVER, EVER, see someone talking to my daughter like Abby Lee Miller from “Dance Moms” talks to those girls, not ONLY would I LET HER HAVE IT, I would yank LeeLee from that class so fast it would make her AWFUL, MEAN, HORRIFIC, TRAGIC, DISGUSTING head spin. I do NOT understand these moms who just KEEP THEIR KIDS ENROLLED because the Abby Lee Miller dance company is supposedly THE BEST. Guess what, if you DON’T HAVE STUDENTS, you are NO LONGER THE BEST. You’re unemployed.
I’m not for coddling. I’m not for everyone getting a trophy. But I am NOT FOR LABELING, NAME CALLING, OR FAVORITISM. Dance is meant to be joyful, and this program shows just how joyless one awful human person can make it. I feel the same way with kids sports coaches who scream at the players like they’re machines. Do you know how US Women’s Soccer coach, Pia Sundhage led our ladies to the World Cup? By singing to them. I’d say she’s pretty amazing as a coach, no?