Tied Up In Chains.

The suburbs sure like their chain restaurants, don’t they? I mean, they’re everywhere!! Sure, in the city we have our fair share too, but we have far fewer Olive Gardens and Panera Breads, and many more independent restaurants.

Fortunately for us, Princeton, NJ has one of the most wonderful ice cream shops anywhere. The Bent Spoon made my day. After pounds and pounds of fro-yo, having real ice cream is a surreal experience. It’s kind of like thinking the programming on Cinemax after dark is the dirtiest stuff out there and then having the perv at your office show you British little person/giant fetish porn. In the BEST possible way. So, maybe it’s not like that at all. Turns out, it’s way better. (I still love you Culture, but sometimes, I need to hit up the hard stuff.)

With flavors like lavender mascarpone, salted caramel, peanut butter, avocado, and honey, I felt like I’d gone to the dairy neverneverland. Two spoons to the South (I-95) and straight on till morning! (or exit 8a) I think it almost did Tim in, he may be the single largest ice cream fan in the world. He can pack away a 1/2 gallon on his own if you let him. He would have no use for me if I just let him live there. Hmmmm, this might be a future plan. I wonder if they’re hiring?

Later on that night, we drove in to Philadelphia to introduce my daughter, Avalee, to my great aunt Avalee. Obviously, my aunt instantly fell in love with her tiny little namesake. We then did what we always do, which is open an absurdly priced bottle of red wine (her son is a master sommelier) and ate. My cousin is also a Le Cordon Bleu trained chef, and made braised oxtail, potato puree, peas and carrots, and salad with homemade french bread. Yum.

Oh, and yes, LeeLee is wearing a tutu. She begged to, I promise.

By the way, if you are a Mets fan, going to Philadelphia on the day they clinch the East, is kind of depressing. Phillies fans EVERYWHERE. Smug bastards. (jk! Next year is TOTALLY our year!!) Later today…part 2 of the weekend of awesome. Most awesome? The 65F temps. I hate heat.

Hanging with the Furries.

First things first. I would like to thank Baby Jesus for there being magically enough orange marmalade in our marmalade jar this afternoon for captain crazypants who just HAD to have a peanut butter and orange sandwich cut into two sandwiches today. I was worried his sandwich would be a sand *wish, making me the sand*witch putting us both in the sand*ditch.

He also wanted a no bake cookie, but no dice. He’ll have enough sweets this weekend. Yes folks, this weekend I am going to the place where surely I will bury my young hipness for good. I am taking the captain to Sesame Place. There will be frolicking with furries. (not THAT kind of furries!!) However, I am going to PRETEND that they’re THAT kind of furry and only give them sideways glances all day. I’M ONTO YOU, GROVER!!

Right now, I am planning healthy road trip snacks!! Yesterday, I picked up one of these!! A Nordic Ware microwave popcorn popper and some kernels. I am not a fan of the bags of popcorn because they are full of additives and crap I don’t want on my snacks!!! Especially if I am feeding it to the three year old. All you need is a tiny bit of EVOO and a little salt. MMMMMMM.

The verdict is delicious. I’m in trouble though. He had pb on whole grain, broccoli, and popcorn for lunch. Anyone want a 3 year old for the night?


Groupon’s Gone to Crap

Every morning, I anxiously await my email from Groupon and LivingSocial and Scoutmob. Generally a good deal, and often, a good time. Today was a real winner. Today, I woke up and saw THIS.

What.The.Fridge.(you can’t say “fudge” here, as it would be too gross)

You, yes YOU, can get a thorough pipe scrubbing at a super deal discount, here in Brooklyn. This is but a mere two weeks after they offered LIPO for less than an arm and a leg, but they will do your thighs! Does Groupon only know how to just suck ass?

Speaking of sucking, yesterday was my crosstraining day. I was on the elliptical (with the October issue of “Self,” Love that Jennifer Hudson!!) and I just couldn’t muster a heart rate <125 BPM. Seriously, I can’t be the only runner who just doesn’t feel like the elliptical is a good workout. I felt so blech! I was actually JEALOUS of the hip hop class full of old, white women. THEY looked to be working hard!! I felt like I was tiptoe-ing on the delicate petals of friggen Thumbelina’s flowers! I was at 10 incline and 13 resistance!!! Fiddlesticks.

After working out like a fairy princess, I went with Captain CrazyPants (aka, Elijah) to scour the aisles of TJ Maxx for some cool serving/microwavable serving bowls for things like soup, salad, moonshine, and I came across some really super gems in the decor department. Gems that will haunt my nightmares for weeks to come.

What the heck. It’s like the Phantom and “Thing” had a creepy statue baby.

Who is this? The Jack Frost of Halloween? Is he going to turn me into a pumpkin? Is he going to make it rain pepitas?

Do you ever shop at TJ Maxx/Marshall’s/Home Goods?

-I kinda love them. A lot.

Who is creepier? Jack Pumpkin or Jack Frost?

-I can’t choose. They’re both bad.

The Jets Under My Jammies.

Every mom can run a marathon. Of this I am convinced. You may not want to, you may not think you have the time, but trust me, you can do it.

Every day of my life is part marathon. Eat breakfast, go to the park, to Target; lunch, to the pediatrician, craft time, park again; dinner, bath time, movies, snack time, bed.

All while I am doing this, I am keeping the three year old from coloring on his sister, nursing the four month old, finding the marker caps, cleaning the kitchen, cooking dinner, finding the three year old’s pants AGAIN, grabbing coffee, putting the four month old down for a nap, turning on “Curious George.” Even keeping said three year old from removing every.single.tag. off of the leggings and tee shirts we have in our cart at Target. (Did I mention I may have a tiny headache today?)

Elijah said that it was going to rain inside. For a moment, I searched the house for a hose. He’s just that clever.

By the way, Elijah would like to remind everyone that he is now THREE AND A HALF, and therefore older and wiser than a plain old three year old. I am almost 28 and a half and kind of hate it. When do you go from being “YAY!!!” to “How in the hell did I miss the last 6 months?”

Back to running. If you can give birth, or even just be up.all.night. with a colicky baby, or one with a cold, or one that hates vaccines, you can run 26.2 mi. Sure it’s hard. There are certainly times I want to cry out for mercy. Guess what though? It’s easier than natural childbirth. (loads easier. loads and loads easier. Like your multiplication tables vs trigonometry.)

On a completely unrelated note, I have found a new and fun way to support my husband’s beloved NY Jets, and it’s hysterical.

J-E-T-S!!! V-P-L!!! (I would say something else, but my mom reads this blog)

Nothing says “I love my wide receiver” like their team plastered across your ass. I would LOVE these decorated in a theme of  my much loved Cleveland Browns. Although, when I lived in Ohio, I was as big as a wide receiver. This is much cuter, and requires much less fabric.

Do you think team undies are weird or fun?

-clearly fun

If you saw my kid taking off all of the tags would you think I trained him to be a scam artist?

-I’m really not that slick


Screw the FDA

I’m pissed. I try to keep it light and funny here, but I’m pissed.

AGAIN, there is ANOTHER recall of fruit due to a bacteria. This time it’s listeria. Listeria is a scary bacteria that in the healthy population is mostly unnoticed as anything other than a little stomach bug. However, in a baby or pregnant woman, or the in firmed or elderly, it can be deadly. The incubation period is often long and symptoms often missed.

I am especially mad because my son had cantaloupe in his fruit salad yesterday and I am now wondering if it was with contaminated cantaloupe. I am waiting until the restaurant opens to call them and find out where they got their cantaloupe. In case you were wondering, it was sold by Jensen Farms/Frontera/Rocky Ford.

This all comes one day after Dr Oz discussed the vast presence of ARSENIC IN OUR APPLE JUICE and various other products sweetened with apple juice.

Currently, some in our government are looking to strip the FDA and EPA down to almost nothing claiming job creation. F that. Hire more FDA and EPA workers. Make THOSE JOBS. Because clearly, you don’t give a shit about killing kids or coal mine workers. Your wallet is getting fatter though, so I guess other people don’t matter. You.Make.Me.Sick.

Sorry to get political. I am just so mad that my blood is boiling.