Category Archives: WIAW

De-Flowering the Donald

  By breakfasttobed | March 13, 2013 - 1:14 PM | , , , , , , ,
4 Comments

There is a really good reason why I choose to read over watching much network television, other than the fact that I am an extreme book nerd, I am also tired of the bullshit. Seriously, reality television makes me seethe. There are some that I like, I admit it. I enjoy “The Taste”, and “The Amazing Race” is fun to watch on the treadmill, but mostly? They suck.

For instance, I don’t give two shits that Nikki Minaj and Mariah Carey hate each other. I do, however, think it’s disgusting that they’re in a position to be great role models for young women, and instead they’re acting like spoiled children while simultaneously perpetuating the myth that women can’t work together. I hate that the show that purports itself to be the vehicle in which the next great performing artist will become a household name spends its first several weeks cherry picking the most deluded, desperate, and untalented to have the judges make a spectacle of.

How is it that people do not see this as contributing to the bully culture? Sure, they know what might happen simply by being there, but there are also people who genuinely and naively believe in their talent, and are crushed and humiliated in front of millions.

Then there are the dating shows. “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette”, specifically.  What a ridiculous concept. A gaggle of women or men, treating each other like crap, talking badly about them to a camera confessional, competing for someone who will surely ditch them after casually bringing their competitors to the “bachelor suite” for some non-committal nasty. That’s not demeaning at ALL! Seriously, Elizabeth Cady Stanton is rolling in her grave. I don’t even care if they’re not actually knocking boots in the suite. They’re blatantly inferring that they have or should.

I’m not a prude. I know what grown ups do behind closed doors, and I don’t expect people to be married to do it. I don’t care about much about casual sex it seems people have on a regular basis. What I do judge is the concubine style courtship that takes place on this show. If we’re going to go back to this particular era, can we go ahead and Chris Harrison and Mark Burnett whipping boys?

Let’s just save everyone the trouble of being irritated with these sexist representations of our culture, and combine Miss USA and The Bachelor. It’ll be like the celebrity edition. Roses AND sashes. They’ve already got the wardrobe, or lack thereof. Sounds like a win to me! Just as how one is only permitted to reign as Miss USA for a year, one will only be expected to be engaged to the bachelor with a diamond paid for by Tacori, for one year. It’ll also have the added benefit/added desire to kick yourself in the head addition of the Trump. He’s given out and taken away several roses in his time.

UGH. NO MORE. Give me more “Glee” and “Hell on Wheels”. I want to sing along or watch Common do…anything. Seriously, could that guy GET any more talented? I’m thinking no.

No more shows adding to the bullying culture, no more glorification of the demeaning of women and reduction of relationships down to giving or receiving a friggen flower–no more weight-loss shows that exploit children, no more CRAP. Alas, I may be in the minority in this view.

Rant over. Pear chips beginning.

Everyone and their brother has made apple chips. They’re easy and delicious, I can’t blame you. I love them myself. What I’d only had at Harry and David, though, was PEAR chips, and they’ve always been my fave. I figured if I could make apple chips, pear chips should be easy. They were. They are also delicious.  I spiced mine up with vanilla and cinnamon, and they are out-of-this-world good.

Cinnamon Vanilla Pear Chips

cinnamon vanilla pear chips

vanilla pear chipspear chips

Cinnamon Vanilla Pear Chips

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Cook Time: 2 hours

Keywords: breakfast appetizer side snack vegan dairy-free gluten-free low-carb low-sodium paleo soy-free vegetarian

Ingredients (varies)

  • bosc pears
  • vanilla extract
  • ground cinnamon

Instructions

heat oven to 250F

slice pears extra thin

sprinkle pears with extract and rub over surface

sprinkle with cinnamon

lay on a cookie sheet, sprayed with cooking spray

cook 1 hour, flip, cook one hour more

let cool serve

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Millard Fillmore: Ghost Hunter

  By breakfasttobed | November 21, 2012 - 9:49 AM | , , , , , ,
8 Comments

I know I know, I haven’t done a WIAW in a long while, but I have been REALLLLLLY busy. I feel like I need to though, because there is a lot of crap going around about “judgement” and other such nonsense. What I Ate Wednesday isn’t about judgement or pageviews or anything like that. It’s about ideas and commiseration. Guess what? Sometimes we ALL have days where we eat like crap, or we barely eat anything, or we eat too much, or we eat just right. I have no ability to produce the hunger hormone, so I have a tendency to either grossly overthink my food, or just go with what tastes good. I try to achieve balance, but with work, and dance, and acting classes, vocal classes, raising my kids, working out, keeping this blog, texting mistresses at midnight, and trying to get time to be alone and read? Yeah, sometimes I screw up. I’m showing you that out of honesty. If you want to judge me for that? Let me let you in on a little secret, a carp can count how many damns I give on his fingers. Zippy. Zippy damns I give.

Here’s what I ate yesterday. Not pictured? An ABSURD amount of dark cocoa dusted almonds. Dear sweet deity of your choosing I love those. Have you had them? Wowzers. In fact, they made up at least half of my dinner meals. (I just snack all day because I get full quickly.)

I had a 1/4 of one of those tartlets up top, mostly so I could share that tartlet and still have enough for Un-Thanksgiving….it’s just like Thanksgiving…only twice as thankful with 100% less syphilis. Oh, and it can be shared with as many foreign people you can fit in your house. I ate an ENTIRE pomegranate, some oatmeal (shocking!!) I had some Ezekiel bread and peanut butter with honey, an orange, brussels sprouts, and cereal. I also had that delicious cherry wheat beer. Do it. For your country. Sam Adams is as American as Perez Hilton and Millard Fillmore.

I also want to talk about playing. Mostly because you all think I just workout for my workouts, which is *mostly* true. Mostly because I don’t consider playing like crazy with my two kids “working out,” in spite of how tired it makes me, which it does.

Reebok was kind enough to send my two bits a pair of shoes each for them to try out. Let me tell you, it couldn’t have come at a better time. They literally came JUST as the Peanut hit a growth spurt and grew out of her sneaks. She won’t take hers off, nor will the Captain. He is convinced that they are the “fastest sneakers ever” and they glow in the dark so he can “find all the ghosts.” (We may or may not have just read “A Christmas Carol”) Apparently, the sneakers also make ghosts corporeal so he can kick them back to the afterlife. I think Millard Fillmore wants in on the action. (just don’t tell him he’s dead too….it’s like a “Sixth Sense” kinda thing.)

The sneakers are adorable and flexible which is the MOST important thing with kids, and especially toddler shoes. The Captain has worn his every day for a month, and they still look great…even after I had to clean hurricane mud from them, they look great.

She loves her zigs

She really loves hers because they have velcro, and she’s highly entertained with elastic velcro.

Perfect for Brooklyn errands!!

Literally, that is him “modeling” the shoes. Could you die?

Speaking of food, you’d like a recipe you say? Oh, I can do that. How about dark chocolate almond pie tartlets?

Please, please, please follow this recipe to the letter, if you use milk chocolate, it will be too sweet. If you don’t use salted almonds, it will be too sweet. If the almonds aren’t roasted, it will be bland. If you use margarine, you do so at your own peril. Just make it as it’s written, and no one gets hurt.

Dark Chocolate Almond Pie Tartlets

Imagine a pecan pie…made of almonds….with DARK CHOCOLATE

phyllo dough is better than pie crust

 

 

Dark Chocolate Almond Pie Tartlets

by Cat Tan

Prep Time: 20 minutes

Cook Time: 20 minutes

Keywords: bake dessert

Ingredients (10 tartlets)

  • 1/2 cup brown sugar
  • 1/4 cup Lyle’s Brown Rice Syrup or light corn syrup
  • 3 tbsp butter+3 more for phyllo prep
  • 1 cup chopped, roasted, salted almonds
  • 1/2 cup chopped DARK chocolate
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 tbsp vanilla
  • 4 sheets phyllo dough

Instructions

preheat oven to 350F

for the filling

bring syrup, brown sugar, 3 tbsp butter, and vanilla to simmer over medium heat, stir in nuts

remove from heat

in a separate, heat proof bowl, whisk eggs

TO TEMPER THE EGGS and not SCRAMBLE them

pour a few tbsp of the syrup mixture into the eggs and whisk fiercely until all of it is combined.

for the crust

cut WITH A VERY SHARP KNIFE OR SCISSORS in a stack, the phyllo into 6″ squares

place 3 pieces of phyllo into a muffin tin indent, buttering between each layer, all the way to the edges

pour nut mixture into phyllo cup 2/3 full

bake for 20 minutes or until set on top.

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Preschool Vampires

  By breakfasttobed | October 17, 2012 - 10:12 AM | ,
10 Comments

How about that debate last night? I think the moderator kicked much ass.

The only debate I had going last night was which body scrub to use. (I went with coconut!!) Nothing makes me feel more successful or less driven than political debates. I think to myself:

“Wow, these guys really want the worst job on the planet, and I’m really content with trying to stack packing peanuts like Jenga tiles while they do it, but no ones tweeting about where I keep my women..”

Just in case you were wondering, I keep them in a recipe box…so they can peruse the recipes they’ll need when they return home at 5 to cook dinner for their husband and family. But if they’re a single parent…I just focus on keeping them away from the automatic weapons, don’t want their kids to get a hold of them….

Let’s get back to the majority of the topics of my posts: me. More importantly today, my kids.

Pre-K is an exercise in patience for me. I don’t typically bitch about motherhood on here, instead sharing the funniest stories, and leaving the more heavy (or infuriating, in this case) topics alone, but I am fed up.

This is a note to ALL parents of school age children:

IF YOUR KIDS ARE COUGHING, HAVE A FEVER, GROSS, RUNNY NOSES, OR HOARSE THROAT??? KEEP THEM THE HELL AT HOME.

If you don’t, you are not only an idiot, prolonging your child’s illness because they aren’t getting proper rest, but you’re also SPREADING THEIR GERMS LIKE THE MOTHER EFFING PLAGUE.

Yesterday, at my son’s preschool, I watched as a little girl was HACKING with a croup style cough, headed into my son’s classroom. Being the mother bear, protective as hell, angry woman I am, I of course told the mother exactly what I thought about her going into school.

Oh, and don’t email me and tell me it wasn’t my place, if it affects my kids, it IS my business. It IS my place. She of course thought her daughter, who more closely resembled a “True Blood” vampire than a preschooler at this time, was completely fine to go to school.

So I brought it up with the teacher, who brought it up with the nurse, and I heard no more of it.

Now my son’s best friend AND my Peanut have the cough. I want to (verbally) throttle that mother. I want to hug that kid and feed her soup, because she needed rest and didn’t get it. I want to scream at the school administrators at the top of my lungs because this cough is BAD and they did nothing. 

Preschool lasts only a few hours, but it’s an intense few hours. They eat, they play, they learn. They cannot properly do any of these things if you neglect your child’s basest needs and send them off when clearly they need to be sent back to bed.

Rant over. I think. I may explode later on twitter. The possibility is high.

happy thoughts. happy thoughts.

What I Ate Wednesday. Happy thought. Pictorial food diaries of what I consumed does make me happy. I also love seeing everyone else’s food diaries for the day. I am especially interested in how others snack. I can’t be the only cucumber and popcorn obsessed person, right? SHOW ME YOUR SNACKS, PEOPLE.

Brekkie was homemade oatmeal and persimmons, the kids had sausage and bacon as well, lunch was egg whites, kale and tomatoes with Mrs Renfro’s (a suggestion of the WebMistress) green salsa, dinner was a reduced fat cheddar and whole wheat quesadilla with more green salsa, mushrooms, and roasted carrots. The snacks were almond joy popcorn and a protein iced coffee. I think I also had a banana and half a mango.

The theme for WIAW (thanks, WebMistress!!) is “Spooky Snacks and Healthy Halloween Treats”…I took that very literally. I love Halloween candy…love it, but I can’t eat it if I want to stay a size 6, and for my job, that is very important.

Healthy Almond Joy Popcorn, couldn’t be easier.

You don’t even need a recipe. Just pop salted, unbuttered popcorn, spread it on a cookie sheet, drizzle it with dark chocolate that you melted in the microwave, sprinkle it with chopped almonds and desiccated coconut, and toss. Let set. CONSUME.


Spooky Snacks and Healthy Halloween Treats

Salt and Fear Pita Chips

  By breakfasttobed | October 10, 2012 - 10:02 AM | , ,
14 Comments

Hey look!! I remembered What I Ate Wednesday!! The theme is “Spooky Snacks and Healthy Halloween Treats”…ok, so my food wasn’t so “treat-like”, nor was it “spooky”, but I was in the bowels of a college science building, smelling of formaldehyde, and filled with the wet, sloshing sounds of cadavers being dissected, and the feeling of terrific fear emanating from the students lining up to be judged.

As I ate a package of pita chips waiting on a friend. Ahhhh, home. Pita chips with a side of empathized fear counts as a spooky snack, right? Good.

By the way, please ignore the fact that the entire first paragraph of this blog entry is mostly a sentence so long that it rivals one of a Borges short story. (If you’ve never read Borges “Ficciones”, please do so now.)

After the fear laced pita chips, I delved into quite the debate over proper fall hiking attire. My friend, a chemistry professor who is from the highlands of Scotland feels as though one needs enough gear to live off of for a fortnight, it would seem. I, however, always hiking right outside NYC, and can pretty much get a signal anywhere, also believing in bringing a beacon button, thinks you only need pack very much if you are headed to desolate wilderness. I feel like 10 miles from the mall where the Real Housewives of Jersey film their trash, think we’re pretty good with just some trail mix and water. What say you on this subject?

Truthfully, the most oft encountered trail trash you see in Bear Mountain or Jersey Parks is condom wrappers. People like to get freaky with mother nature. A lot. Does no one have a pocket??? Good grief, clean up after yourselves. Atrocious.

We are given this amazing, beautiful earth. We are blessed with national parks to enjoy its wilderness. The very least we can do is to leave it as close to how we came upon it (or better) if possible.

Did you also know how many calories hiking burns? About 400 cals/hr!! Add in your “freaky with mother nature” time, and you’re good for sharing cheesecake!!

My heavens I’m long winded for a WIAW. Jeez. Ok, Thanks, Jenn for the link party!! By the way, I noticed that not everyone who participates puts a button up on the post. Why the hell not? Give credit where credit’s due and quit being a lame-ass. That’s just my two cents, but really, come the hell on. Here, I’ll show you the button right here in the middle of my post. It’s cute!! Jenn works forever on this AND the weekly round-up.

See? I am not an ungrateful sod.

I ate a lot. Plus the chips.

Yogurt parfait, egg white and kale, popcorn, pb and honey with strawberries, sweet potato hash, cucumber salad…chips…the fear of the freshmen….and by the looks of the collage…BRAINSSSSS

I also ate a crapton of green beans almondine. You should eat them too. Healthy. SUPER tasty. Super easy.

Garlic Lemon Green Beans Almondine

;

Green Beans Almondine

by Cat Tan

Prep Time: 5 minutes

Cook Time: 10 minutes

Keywords: steam appetizer side snack vegan kosher gluten-free low-carb

Ingredients (serves 4)

  • 1 lb green beans, cleaned
  • 1 tbsp lemon zest
  • 1 tbsp chopped garlic
  • 1/4 cup almonds
  • 2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
  • salt and pepper

Instructions

lightly steam the green beans (this can be done in rapidly boiling water or above it)

shock in ice water

heat the olive oil on medium

add in garlic and salt

toss in green beans, zest, pepper, and almonds

toss and cook 1 more minute

serve warm or room temperature

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Kim Kardashian V. The Vatican

  By breakfasttobed | September 26, 2012 - 9:24 AM | , ,
7 Comments

I slept last night. Like the dead. I even slept through several texts from Webmistress Jennivere (of WIAW fame…which is today) and the Navajo (of pretty boy at the gym fame). I can’t say I’m not upset that I missed the fact that the Navajo is fairly sure he just met the future Mrs Navajo on the F train, and that she is apparently, Iroquois and Jewish, and not Mexican like he thought. He had also been imbibing at a party, so we’ll see if Mrs Navajo pans out. By the way, he text me FOURTEEN times.

I do so love it when people become besotted, they’re so excitable.

Ok, back to ME! It’s MY WIAW after all. I should wear a sash…and a crown, eff a tiara, they’re for princesses, I am the queen!!!! (of the tiniest kingdom on the planet, and I have to wipe my subject’s behinds, it would seem)

With my sceptre, I bathed two pieces of bread with my homemade apple butter and some peanut butter yesterday. One for brekkie, one for lunch. Both times made me feel like I consumed a pile of rocks encased in a hot air balloon. DAMMIT. Right now, if I were famous, and on tabloids, they’d all say, “BABY BUMP!!!” because I look pregnant.

I can normally counteract my issues with enough probiotics and water, but lately? NOTHING. I know I’ve mentioned my inability to even eat the smallest portion of ice cream without becoming ill thanks to the stupid, stupid gastric bypass I had; but sometimes, bread and pasta, and some veggies, has the same effect.

Bread. Brussels sprouts. Broccoli. Pretty much anything with a LOT of insoluble fiber. My favorite breads are PACKED with fiber. I’ve been hooked since I was a kid. I may have been drinking my Mom’s diet coke since I was a tot, but she did make us eat wheat bread with our american cheese and miracle whip. Always. I’ll never be a white bread person.

My GI doc says I probably need to cut back only temporarily, until whatever minor damage I’ve done by eating it, can heal. I have NO idea what I’ll eat for breakfast and lunch every day. I almost ALWAYS eat oats for breakfast and a sandwich for lunch. Rice chex won’t taste good heated up. I’m sure of it.

Every time something like this pops up, I want to scream from the rafters “LOSING WEIGHT IS HARD, BUT NOT WORTH NEVER HAVING A TURTLE SUNDAY EVER AGAIN!!!” Which I realize is possibly the MOST contradictory sentence ever. Other than maybe “Kim Kardashian nude photos leaked to Vatican Magazine!!” or “Political Pundit pulls head out of own ass!!!’

What do YOU eat for brekkie and lunch? I need ideas.

Here’s what I ate yesterday….

egg cups, apple butter on toast, apple butter and pb on bread, salad, homemade apple chips, hainan chicken and rice with green beans..I may not have eaten the chicken. I tried!!

Speaking of apple chips. These were the TOPS. Soooo good. Homemade. I can help you make some.

Sweet and Sour Apple Chips

They’re so easy.

Slice apples suppppper thin, let soak in lemon juice for 15 minutes, bake at 250F for an hour. WOW. Sour Patch Apples. YUM.