Category Archives: fitness

We Need T and A on the Runway

  By breakfasttobed | February 8, 2013 - 9:38 AM | , , , , ,
3 Comments

Having a good day, scamps? I am! Well, there was this thing where I realized I needed to increase my b-12 injections, so that’s lame. (read:was told to, ordered, tattooed with instructions, berated by professionals of the field) Stupid damaged duodenum.

BUT!! I learned a new fact that immediately made the filthy jokes burn into my brain in rapid succession.

The crack of a bull-whip is actually a tiny sonic boom. You of course know what this means for every rodeo rider and the great Indiana Jones…great pickup lines.

“you know, I can whip it out faster than the speed of sound.”

“not even the sound barrier is strong enough to hold my whip”

“wanna know what’s long, faster than the speed of sound, and fits in my pants?”

Apart from learning I now have to shoot vitamins in my ass once a week, yesterday was pretty stellar! I spent a leisurely morning at my son’s Lunar New Year pageant, made noodles for lunch to celebrate, and partied like it’s Mercedes Benz Fashion Week here in NYC. (ok, it is MBFW) Pretty boss, right?

Fashion week mostly makes me vom. It is the height of excess and deprivation. Don’t get me wrong, I love clothes. I love fashion. I don’t love 15 year old girls dressed to look like they’re thirty, forced to starve themselves so that they look as though they’re walking clothes hangers.

Everybody’s body is different. Some may be that thin naturally…most are not. My body is VERY different. I am high waisted with super long legs, but also a long torso. I am flat as a board and have a goose’s neck. But damnit, it’s mine. It’s not the traditional “ideal” body type, far from it, but I earned it. I am fortunate enough that apart from weird genetic skin dryness and rosy cheeks, I have pretty good skin, and super thick hair. I am also lucky that even though I hate the freckles that pebble my shoulders, the man loves them. I am NOT where I want to be. I want my boobs to be somewhere other than where they are, (like Maine) and I’d like the skin on my stomach to be smooth. I’d also like a size 8.5/38 foot. I really don’t see that happening unless you cut off my toes. (and then pointy shoes wouldn’t fit) Pretty sure those are essential. I also hate my nose with the fire of 1000 suns, but that is a story for another day. Mostly though, I’m ok with myself. I like my skin and bright eyes and healthy nails. I like that I’m not often sick (read *sick* not *uninjured*) I like that I know that even if I were to be stripped of all the physical aspects of me that I am ok with, I like knowing that I am smart, educated, and talented in other areas. (you can’t see me, but I’m waggling my eyebrows)

These models are being groomed to believe that subsisting off of air, cigarettes, water, and kale is what is normal. They’re being told that unless they disappear when turned sideways, they’re useless. They’re not expected to be intelligent, just pretty. They are purely decorative. What a waste.

I also don’t understand why the most emaciated of women are used to show clothing, when countless studies have shown that the subconscious mind of the male is unerringly drawn to women with fuller hips, rounder rear, and generous bosom. These things signal fertility, which of course, is a biological imperative to the continuation of our species.

It’s a damn mystery. Also? I can tell you from having been super thin, it makes you look older. No bueno.

But being HEALTHY looks damn good. It can also taste damn good. Like for instance the meal I made last night. Chicken Enchilada Pasta Bake. Can I just tell you I could’ve sat over the pan and eaten every last bite? It was THAT good. It was also really affordable, easily made vegetarian, and would freeze like a dream.

I use chobani plain in this recipe again, and before you think I’m simply kissing up, let me tell you I am not. I am really just enamored with using Greek yogurt in recipes, and Chobani is the one I buy. (It goes on sale a LOT at Target and is also available in giant tubs at Costco….thrift, people.) This recipe also uses frozen chopped spinach. If you’ve never incorporated it into your cooking before, you really should. I got a box of organic frozen chopped spinach for $1.50. Like.A.Boss.

Chicken Enchilada Pasta Bake

chicken enchilada pasta bake 3chicken enchilada pasta bake 5

Chicken Enchilada Pasta Bake

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 25 minutes

Cook Time: 30 minutes

Keywords: bake entree chicken cheese pasta garlic

Ingredients (serves 8)

  • 5 boneless skinless chicken thighs or the pulled meat from one whole, roasted, or rotisserie chicken, or 3/4-1lb ground chicken/turkey/beef
  • 1 box frozen, chopped spinach, thawed
  • 1, 14 oz box of whole wheat or rice pasta (or any pasta really, bite sized like elbows, penne, farfalle)
  • 1, 15 oz can of black beans, rinsed (for vegetarian dish, double this)
  • 1 cup green salsa (I use Mrs Renfro’s)
  • 1 scant cup or individual container of plain greek yogurt (I use chobani 2%)
  • 2 tbsp evoo
  • 2 tbsp cumin
  • 2 tbsp chopped garlic
  • 1 onion, chopped
  • 1 cup chicken stock
  • 1/2 tsp chipotle powder
  • 1/2 tsp smoked paprika
  • juice of half of a lime
  • tabasco to taste
  • 1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro
  • salt and pepper
  • 5-8 oz shredded pepper jack or mozzarella cheese

Instructions

preheat oven to 350F

cook the pasta al dente in a pot of boiling salted water and set aside

heat oil in a skillet on medium high

cube chicken into bite sized pieces

stir spices in the oil with garlic and onion until fragrant

add in chicken and cook until cooked all the way through.

add remaining ingredients save for cheese and pasta, and stir well, adding the chobani last.

add pasta and toss

taste for seasoning (more tabasco? salt?)

pour into a 13″-9″ dish and top with cheese

bake for 30 minutes, if you’re going to freeze this…DO NOT BAKE

serve with more cilantro, greek yogurt, salsa, etc.

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Inbreeding Princes Play FlipCup

  By breakfasttobed | February 4, 2013 - 11:47 AM | , , , ,
12 Comments

This morning’s post was saved from being another rant-driven diatribe railing against the the whimsies of others by my daughter.

That Peanut is hilarious and can swing anyone’s mood.  Twenty minutes in her presence when she’s of good cheer, and you’ll immediately be swept into her bubble of happiness.

Instead, I’m going to talk about some of the more unconventional or perhaps better, *unpopular* workouts I love.

I don’t think it would come of any surprise to you scamps that I’ve had my fair share of educational experience. Having been in some form of academic endeavor for many years running, in both private and public institutions, I have been privy to some fairly odd activities. Most schools, save for your more urban institutions of higher learning, typically have an activity that the school rallies around. Ohio State has football, Indiana has basketball, Pepperdine has tennis, Miami of Ohio has flip cup, and Columbia and Princeton have ROWING.

I excel at flip cup, but I love to row even more.

The type of rowing I normally do is called “single skull” rowing, so named for the boat one uses. Much like a rowing machine at the gym, the seat glides back and forth on the scull or “skiff”, and your legs power your movement and help you glide the oars in and out of the water. The feeling you get from it is one of complete exhilaration. It’s as near to flying as you can get without wings.

If I could, I’d be sculling every day. This may come as an absolute shock, but I love rowing even more than I love running. Unfortunately, I have to go a bit of a ways up the Hudson River to get to anywhere near an area safe for sculling. It is simply not as convenient for me as sneakers to pavement.

I realize that sculling seems to most people as possibly the WASPiest sport next to perhaps polo, lacrosse, and inbreeding royals, but I assure you, it is not. Multi-person sculling and rowing are not altogether different from Chinese dragon boat racing, or river kayaking, or even rafting. The only thing that truly differentiates it from other row sports is the vessel itself. Typically 18″ in width and 8 meters in length, with attached oars and a gliding seat, it is generally the lightest boat for its length. (Yes, I did just combine the standard and metric system, screw you 9th grade science teacher!!) A scull is designed to cut through the water at a relatively high rate of speed. It lends to a fluidity of movement capable of driving the rower to a pace of which one could set a metronome by.

One really shouldn’t wear earbuds on an open river, so you’re forced to be peaceful within your body’s own movements and thoughts. At first, I thought I would hate any sort of workout wherein I could not listen to upbeat music, or a salacious audiobook that threatens to make me blush at every turn. As it turns out, rowing is the perfect time to sort out a scattered mind. I find that some of my best ideas have been dreamt up during my time on the water. It is poetry in movement if I’ve ever experienced it. Maybe if Sylvia Plath had been a rower in Cambridge, she’d have deduced that writing inappropriate love stories involving her ex-husband and a maid with a love dungeon, would be better than the alternative she chose for herself. Success by embarrassing assholes is the sweetest sort.

 

This is the best video I’ve found for sculling. Ignore the fact that it’s a Livestrong video…or embrace it and make ball jokes, you decide.

Rowing burns a LOT of calories. It can burn up to 800 calories/hour. It is also entirely possible to forget how far you’ve gone, and end up out longer than you’d originally planned…rowers need energy. Rowers need healthy, filling, energy.

Homemade nut butter anyone?

Vanilla Cinnamon Nut Butter

vanilla cinnamon almond butter

vanilla cinnamon almond butter 2

Vanilla Cinnamon Almond Butter

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 5 minutes

Keywords: appetizer bread breakfast condiment side snack vegan gluten-free kosher paleo vegetarian

Ingredients

  • 1 cup chopped roasted salted almonds
  • 2 tbsp maple syrup
  • 1 tbsp walnut or coconut oil
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract
  • 1/2 tsp cinnamon

Instructions

puree all in a GOOD food processor until smooth.

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Rubbing Glenn Beck

  By breakfasttobed | February 1, 2013 - 11:29 AM | , , , ,
3 Comments

It has been a goodly amount of time since I’ve shared my playlist with you!!

It has also been quite a long time since I’ve been able to go running. My chiro and my physical therapist are working in conjunction with my orthopedic surgeon, and they are confident that I can slowly *emphasis on SLOWly* begin running again.

Months without my normal cardio has really bummed me out. I scream at my knee the way my father screams at the computer printer as he tries to change the ink: loudly, and with many curse words. I am beginning to understand why he does it. It doesn’t make the problem go away, it’s just a fairly satisfying way to expunge some of the rage from your body. My knee IS a dirty whore. It should TOTALLY GO TO HELL. If it doesn’t start behaving I AM going to rub it inappropriately up against the naughtier parts of Glenn Beck. That’ll teach it. It may also scar me for life and garner me a conservative stalker who humps my leg, but my dirty whore of a left knee deserves it. Left leaning knee, meet the right leaning dick. literally.

What have I been doing instead? Other than running away from embarrassing situations by going to buy K-cups at the Dunkin late at night while fretting over the phone with this bitchlet? The mother trucking, oh so boring, extra stooooopid elliptical and arc trainer. Thank the sweet baby buddha for audiobooks and the kindle. I’ve also taken a disproportionate number of spin classes, bootcamps and “active yoga” classes. I really believe “active yoga” is a misnomer, it’s hardly active, but the pulchritudinous instructor keeps me and my GBF firmly in that class. The others in our group swear to be going for the workout. I don’t buy that one bit. GraveRobber is NOT above taking a class because the teacher is pretty. She totally thinks he’s HAWT.

The hot teacher and fun jokes made at spin are not the same as running, though.  There is really nothing like running for me. Well, ok, there is SOMETHING better than running, but I really don’t think I should discuss that in polite company, and I have at least 3 readers that could pass for polite.

Here is my playlist for this week.

  • “Ambulance” My Chemical Romance
  • “Bend and Break” Keane
  • “Better Man” Pearl Jam
  • “Little Numbers” Boy
  • “New York” Snow Patrol
  • “Put the Gun Down” ZZ Ward
  • “Thrift Shop” Macklemore
  • “Ride” Lana Del Ray
  • “Same Love” Macklemore feat Mary Lambert
  • “If” Janet Jackson
  • “Fall For You” Secondhand Serenade

Not all new, but “Little Numbers” is my OB-SESS-ION for this week. The Peanut is even more obsessed with it than I am. It’s her danciest tune.

Now for the next obsession. Baked.Protein.Donuts

I was fortunate enough to be sent some delicious new yogurts from Chobani. One of them was their new “Bite” smaller portion, bigger flavor yogurts. Coffee yogurt. 100 calories a serving. Yes, please! I am who I am, however, and couldn’t resist using some of them to bake a few goodies. My kids LOVE my protein donuts, as does the man, and so do I. This meant one thing this morning, coffee with my donuts as well as coffee IN my donuts.

This recipe makes approximately 9 donuts. I doubled the recipe for my brood, knowing their ever-growing appetites.  In the recipe, I instruct you to bake these at 375° for 15 minutes, but if you want a crisper, more “donuty from a donut shop” donut, grease each  donut crevice LIBERALLY with coconut oil and preheat the oven with the pan IN the oven, when it comes to temperature, THEN add the batter to the HOT pan, and bake it an extra minute or two. Fried without the fryer or the excess. YUM. I also dusted mine with the barest hint of powdered sugar, but that is entirely optional. You COULD drizzle them with melted chocolate or make a protein “frosting” out of chocolate protein powder, cold coconut oil, and a bit of dark chocolate almond milk or cow’s milk.  As always, I used Optimum Nutrition Platinum Hydro Whey Protein Powder. That IS what I recommend.

coffee protein donuts

coffee protein donuts 3

Coffee Protein Donuts

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 5 minutes

Cook Time: 15 minutes

Keywords: bake appetizer bread breakfast dessert snack gluten-free nut-free soy-free vegetarian

Ingredients (9 donuts)

  • 2 Chobani Bite coffee chocolate chip yogurts
  • 1/2 cup vanilla protein powder
  • 3/4 cup quick oats
  • 1 egg
  • 3 tbsp strong coffee
  • 1/2 tsp baking soda
  • 1/4 cup mini dark chocolate chips
  • coconut oil or cooking spray

Instructions

preheat oven to 375F

combine all ingredients

pour into donut pans, each space 3/4 full

bake 15 minutes

turn out immediately onto cooling racks

dust with powdered sugar

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Gray Hair and Gonorrhea.

  By breakfasttobed | January 16, 2013 - 9:32 AM | , , ,
3 Comments

A morning that doesn’t start with an entire box of Cheerios spilled on the floor, is a good day.  You’d be surprised how many times that’s happened. It’s staggering, really.

Today, I have a small bone to pick with the blogging community. It might be because I didn’t sleep last night, and might be in that place where I throw up my hands and say “awww, eff it.” Either way, the bone is there.

Bloggers NEVER seem to do anything but the most awesome and stellar reviews for products on their blog. With the exception of Jamie Grayson, from the Baby Gear Guide, I almost never read what seems like a genuine review. I also realize I am guilty of this. I have a tendency to only review things I like. That’s pretty disingenuous. There are plenty of things I’ve tried and said to myself “well, what the hell was that about?”

I know for a fact I’ve tried healthy recipes and cookbook recipes that I’ve thought were just terrrrrrible. Do I ever talk about these? No. Should I? Probably. I’m a fairly good judge of tasty food, and an even better judge for cooking/baking equipment.

For instance. Egg Poachers? I bought them after seeing them somewhere on the interwebs, can’t recall where. I thought they were totally silly after buying them. I never use them for poaching eggs. You know what they ARE good for? baking eggs or muffins. Individual protein muffins. Mise en place. Holding ketchup for the kids french fries, using as a blog prop. It was not a waste of money, I just don’t use it as intended. Sort of like those “back massagers” they sell at Brookstone. I’m sure they’re all *just* used for the back.

Also, the “Gazelle” by the ponytail princess, Tony Little? Unstable, built for crap, falls apart, and unless you’re going at a full-tilt, you’re not getting a great workout. If you DO go at a full-tilt, it will feel like you’re fully tilting over.

I understand that sponsored posts are just that…sponsored. You don’t bite the hand that feeds you. I also think that people should probably not waste their money, either.

So here is what I am going to do. In an effort to be transparent, if I use something, and I hate it for more reasons than just “it didn’t work for me”, I’ll tell you. If I find something I LOVE for more reasons than just “it’s convenient for me”, I’ll tell you.

I already told you about the gazelle. I’ll now tell you about something I ADORE, and yet, I’m in no way sponsored by this company. The opinions are my own, and not compensated.

I want to make out with my Cuisinart.  That’s a really bad idea with it having a giant swirling blade, btw. 12 cups of sexy chopping ability. Perfect pie crusts. Bread dough. Grinding my pills.  Making easy salsa, sofrito, recaito, remoulade, frozen banana soft serve. What do I use it most often for? Chopped salads. I use the top disk and whir the hell outta my salads. A salad that’s still crunch tastic that you can practically eat with a spoon. Perfect. The components are also dishwasher safe, and I’m lazy with dishes. I hate doing them like I hate gray hairs and gonorrhea.  I have had one of these things….I’ll let you decide which. (they both require special chemicals to treat!!)

I wish I knew how to quit you.

It makes living in a healthy way, and cooking in the same manner, easier.

Like for this marinated celery salad? Yeah. Top slicer.

 

It’s like the best love child between an Asian pickle and crudite. Marinated celery salad has the flavors of Asia, and the crunch of the oppressive Europeans. Delightful. (I’m a European, so shut it.) We’ve all heard about celery’s “negative calories”, which surprisingly doesn’t mean that the celery taunts you as you eat it. “dunk my ass in more spinach dip, fatass!!!” It means it’s essentially water and fiber, using more calories to digest than what the food contains. Neat, right? This is so easy, you don’t even need a recipe. Just a drizzle of honey, sesame oil (tiny drizzle) and plenty of rice vinegar, red wine vinegar, pepper flakes, and a tiny hint of tamari, and let marinate overnight. THAT’S IT!! So good. So. So. Good. marinated celery 4

marinated celery 3

Taylor Swift’s Best Voodoo Dolls

  By breakfasttobed | January 14, 2013 - 10:01 AM | , , ,
15 Comments

I just finished another book. Can you guys just wait here a minute whilst I recover? I really hate finishing books. The good ones are simply never long enough, are they?

Onto a very important subject…..bitch faces. Specifically, Taylor Swift’s bitch face. She had the most horrific scowl on her face when upon learning she’d not won the Golden Globe for the song she wrote with 15 other people. She gave a look that basically said:

“I hate you Adele. I hate you so much I’m going to write a song about it and sing it as a lullaby to your baby”. I get the feeling Taylor has a lot of poppets at home. Most of which resemble the men she’s from whom she’s been spurned. Now, ADELE joins the mix.

People make fun of Miley Cyrus all the damn time, but I give her credit for being engaged to a Hemsworth hottie, making bold fashion decisions, and surviving the humiliation of being the daughter of a man with a mullet.

I guess the pot, or “salvia” really mellows you out. Someone hook Taylor up. Biebs? You got this? There might be a song in it for you!!!

I know, I know, I’m a “healthy living blogger” and I should get back to the point of my blog.

I need an intervention. I am a carboholic and carbs hate me. They make my face puffy, my stomach bloated, and my GI tract ANGRY. Not all carbs, mind you. I can pretty much eat fruit until the cows come home, and rice and quinoa and oatmeal seem to fare just fine. The other stuff? Not so much. It is always a tossup on Amaranth and Teff. Good thing those aren’t exactly “everyday” carbs. (unless you’re an ancient mayan)

There are also certain times I crave protein and meat. The carbs, however? I always want them. I get this is just some sort of sugar addiction. I get that wheat and its brethren just turn to sugar when mixed with the enzymes in your saliva. (not to be confused with salvia, which probably increases the desire for carbs)

The real question is, can I beat it? This monkey’s been living on my back since…..I could eat.  So, 21 years. (mwahahahahhha)

I don’t want to cut them out completely, that would be utter lunacy, I just don’t want to hate life for hours each day because of my refusal to give up my daily pb and honey. That also seems like lunacy.

My ideas for cutting back are as follows,

Pain therapy: snapping a rubber band on my wrist every time the urge to carb inhale comes.

Pros: seems like it *would* affect my desire to eat the carbs

Cons: A: ouch B: ugly rubber band accessory

Aversion Therapy: every time I get the desire to stuff bread in my face, I think of something horrible, like Bill O’Reilly as President or inviting John Boehner to Thanksgiving dinner.

Pros: No rubber band

Cons: I think I might make myself sicker with the therapy than with the bread.

Mirror therapy: Only eating carbs in my bandage dress at home. Check myself out in the mirror afterward.

Pros: a reason to wear my favorite dress

Cons: same as with aversion therapy.

I’m beginning to think my only recourse is to make my non-carby food so irresistible, that I don’t miss my peanut butter sandwiches. Also, making the flour foods a treat.

You know what that means, scamps. LOTS of odd, non flour-y recipes coming your way.

Like today!!

Paleo Meatball stuffed Mushrooms (I added cheese on top…sue me.)

paleo meatball stuffed mushrooms 2

paleo meatball stuffed mushrooms 3

 

Paleo Meatball Stuffed Mushrooms

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Cook Time: 20 minutes

Keywords: bake appetizer side snack gluten-free low-carb paleo soy-free

Ingredients (20 mushrooms)

    for the meatballs

    • 1 lb ground sirloin
    • 1/2 lb ground lean pork
    • 1/4-1/3 cup almond or peanut flour
    • 1 tbsp dry italian seasoning
    • 1 tsp salt
    • 1 tsp fresh cracked pepper
    • 1 egg plus 1 yolk
    • 1 tsp red pepper flake
    • 1 tsp dried minced onion
    • 1 tsp grated garlic

    the mushrooms

    • 15-20 STUFFING mushrooms
    • 10 grape tomatoes, halved

    optional ingredients

    • fresh basil
    • parmesan or romano cheese

    Instructions

    preheat oven to 400F

    mix all ingredients for meatballs with hands

    form into 2 tbsp balls

    place on a jelly roll pan, bake for 10-15 minutes or until mostly cooked through

    place meatball inside each mushroom

    top with sliced tomato

    bake 10 more minutes

    top with cheese and basil

    serve

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