Category Archives: fitness

Walking Is Overrated.

  By breakfasttobed | March 20, 2013 - 10:10 AM | , ,
6 Comments

I have no idea how it is that I am expected to function or move today. You see, I spent several hours last night getting the ever-loving hell kicked out of me by one of my best friends, the Navajo. It’s not because he finally got tired of my lip, but because we were working on fight choreography.

Every muscle in my body aches in a way it hasn’t since I began Crossfit. I thought I was tough. I row, I go to Crossfit, I am slowly starting to run again, AND I chase my kids all day. I liked my happy little bubble. It was comfortable. It was like a warm and cozy cocoon where I felt like the king of the castle.

Oh dear Lord. I forgot how much getting hit hurts. Trust me, even stage hits, when done enough, leave you breathless. I was tossed over my partner’s shoulder more times than I care to admit. It sort of went like this

“Up-thud. Up-thud. HEY!!-thud WHAT THE?!-thud” I did my fair share of tossing, too, but it really felt weak next to being thrown about like a rag doll. Not to mention that I was being taught how to execute a spinning high kick. Much hilarity ensued. At one point, the sifu *may* have doubled over laughing. I am pretending he was laughing at the others, and not just me. I’m probably wrong.

This was only exacerbated by the fact that Broadway Baby decided to tag along for comic relief. By comic relief, I mean he came along to make fun of me. It’s really difficult to block a punch when your GBF is spouting lines from “AbFab” from the sidelines. The next job he has where he has to train, I am LAYIN INTO HIS ASS.

But there is something incredibly empowering about tossing a man who is 4″ taller and 40lbs heavier over your shoulder like so much luggage. Why on earth is this not a more popular form of exercise? Especially for women? It gives you confidence in yourself you never knew was there, it allows for a safe environment in which to unleash your stress and frustrations, and calling it “a good workout” seems to be a ridiculous understatement. I think I feel my armpit muscle. I had no idea there was even space for pain there. Let’s not even discuss my lower calves and triceps. En.Fuego.

I basically showered and fell into bed after training, unable to do more than just look at my kindle and lovingly stroke it, because holding it up wasn’t an option. That means I woke up with a fierce hunger and general hangry-ness. Oatmeal wasn’t going to cut it. I needed something more. I wanted something filling and full of energy.

I wanted hash. I didn’t want meat, though. I just wanted eggs over other stuffs. So I made my legendary vegetarian hash, and took pictures of it to share with you scamps.

Filled with 4 kinds of potatoes, mushrooms, onions, peppers, parsnips and spices, it is perfect as a dinner side dish or topped with eggs for breakfast and brunch. You can even add black beans or tofu to make it a complete meal in a completely different direction. It’s addictive and you’ll be making it for years to come after you make it once.

Vegetarian Hash

vegetarian hash 2 vegetarian hash 3 vegetarian hash

Vegetarian Hash

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Cook Time: 10 minutes

Keywords: blender microwave saute appetizer breakfast side snack vegan vegetarian

Ingredients (serves 6)

  • 1 lb mixed potatoes (blue, red, yukon) scrubbed and microwaved until fork tender
  • 1 large sweet potato scrubbed and microwaved until fork tender
  • 1 large parsnip peeled, chopped, and microwaved until fork tender
  • 2 large peppers, chopped into chunks
  • 1 large onion, sliced
  • 6 oz sliced crimini or other mushrooms
  • 1 sprig thyme
  • 1 tsp chopped garlic
  • salt and pepper
  • 2 tbsp evoo

Instructions

chop everything into bite sized chunks

heat oil in a skillet on medium

add mushrooms and cook until brown on medium high

add onion and cook until translucent

reduce heat to medium and add garlic

add all other ingredients and cook until edges are crisp

taste for seasoning

top with fried eggs

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I’m Huge In Japan

  By breakfasttobed | March 5, 2013 - 9:23 AM | , ,
9 Comments

Yesterday was my rest day. While I needed it, I hate them. I’m not orthorexic by any standards, I eat more than what I should on most occasions, I think, and not all of it is ideal. (I have a food blog. I TASTE a lot!!) What I am is a creature of habit. I love a routine. Coffee within minutes of waking up, breakfast not long after that, get the bits up and ready and fed, go about my day, and then GO TO THE GYM.

Yes, I love the endorphins. Yes, going to the gym often is a part of what allows me to taste more foods, and yes, it does make you look better in your clothes. It’s also my nightly allowance of kibbitzing with my closest friends and good natured ribbing about our personal lives. Simply put, it’s effing fun. How am I meant to go to bed if I haven’t made fun of my friend the GraveRobber’s husband? (so named because her husband is 30 years her senior) How is she supposed to relax without making fun of my deafness and propensity to hear things very incorrectly? It must be very difficult for her. Good thing I can’t hear her bitching about it.

BTW, I AM profoundly deaf. I am also ok with her making fun of it. Sometimes, the way I hear things is pretty damn funny.

Yesterday, I was content with “meh”. Last night, I was writhing under my skin. I wanted to move my body, but also wanted to drop over asleep after work. I was friggen tired, damnit. Why is it that when my body is tired, my brain is on party time, and when my brain wants to shut off, my body is ready to climb something? The only thing that was available for me to climb was just as tired as I was, and that is even MORE lame.

I swear to whichever deity that won’t offend you that I am going to end up “Rainman”ing the hell out of my evenings, muttering about routine and television shows. Thankfully, for someone with generalized anxiety disorder and adhd, this is completely normal.

I love how I just described the symptoms of my personal psychosis as “completely normal”. I’m super average inside of my crazy. From the outside, I probably look like I have it mostly together, what with my routines and schedule. What you don’t know is that I have a Dickens of a time working outside of those parameters. I get twitchy, anxious, and just a tad out of sorts. It’s like OCD with energy!

Maybe I just need to go for a walk. That should help. OH WAIT! I have to go to the dentist. Stooooopid dentist. Stupid fake teeth needing fixed. (most of my teeth are real…but my family IS from West Virginia, don’t expect my mouth to move mountains not named “Dew”.)

In the spirit of routine, here’s a recipe I made for you. It’s no bake, all natural, raw-ish. High-protein, grain-free, gluten-free, Paleo(ish) and it’s friggen chocolate. You’re welcome, America. (and canada, and sweden, and the other countries where people read my blog….I think South Africa reads me, and I am huge in Japan….Ok, I mostly just wanted to say “I am huge in Japan” and if someone doesn’t TWHS that in their head? I am disappointed in you scamps)

No-Bake Chocolate Energy Bars

no bake chocolate energy bars 2no bake energy bars

 

No Bake Chocolate Energy Bars

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 5 minutes

Cook Time: (rest time in fridge) 15 minut

Keywords: no bake raw appetizer breakfast dessert side snack dairy-free gluten-free kosher paleo soy-free vegan vegetarian candy bars

Ingredients (18 bars)

  • 20 dried, pitted dates
  • 1/4 cup cocoa powder
  • 1/2 cup creamy peanut butter
  • 1/2 cup blanched almonds

Instructions

pulse in food processor until it forms a ball

roll out between two sheets of parchment

cut in 1/2″ thick squares

re-roll scraps as necessary, you can’t overwork this dough

chill

store in airtight container in fridge

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LadyVikings Singing Torture

  By breakfasttobed | February 20, 2013 - 9:52 AM | , , ,
6 Comments

I am going to say it.

I am OVER someecards. Yes, observational humor can be hysterical. It can also be overdone. I don’t think it’s yet as completely overdone as the “keep calm” posters, but it’s getting there. I admit that a jaunty drawing of a Victorian woman skipping while discussing drinking and swearing is lovely. It has now been done. and done again. and yet again. Let us move on, shall we?

The first person to design an Elizabethan meme gets a gold star. Any era with a piece of clothing called a “bumroll” deserves its own meme. I’m simply lacking in graphic design creativity. (look at my blog’s design for proof of this)

Moving on.

After work yesterday, I went to be physically abused by my personal trainer. She, like many people who live and work in and with the entertainment industry is bi-coastal. I am now learning that she expects us to be working out together whenever we are on the same coast. I wasn’t prepared for that. I always thought that with a trainer you worked out when you were one place, and that was it. As it turns out, she’s more than willing to kick my ass anywhere she sees fit.

Oddly enough, I like it. If you’ve never been pushed by a really good trainer, I highly suggest you try it. I was absolutely certain I was going to hate the whole experience before I began this endeavor, now I am absolutely certain that it’s invaluable to my fitness experience. I have the tendency to fall into patterns that I am comfortable with, crossfit, running, bodypump, having sex with the lights off…. you get the idea. I fall into ruts.

As the saying goes “what doesn’t challenge you, doesn’t change you”. This is true in most things, especially your fitness routine. After I completed Tina’s Best Body Bootcamp, I fell back into my day in-day out routine, and became complacent. My trainer, we’ll call her the LadyViking, makes each workout new and challenging. Yesterday, she had me throwing sandbags around like mother loving Rocky Balboa. I am many things, but Rocky Balboa I am not. After tossing the 25lb bag for what felt like the 7,000th time, I told her:

“I think I may die, I’m not even certain this is legal”

She laughed and told me:

“You’ve just now tossed it 15x!! You have 35 more throws!”

There are no strangely shaped and oddly weighted sandbags at Crossfit. Something about the malleable shape of the sandbag made it harder than any wall ball I’ve ever done. You see, I am Eastern European. I am Slovak, to be exact. Our people are so notorious for torture, we got our own movie (“hostel”), and this Swede made me sit up and beg. Are we *entirely* certain that Sweden is a non-violent nation in the modern age? Are we SURE they don’t work with the KGB? A more laughing, smiling, all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world KGB we don’t know about? Because, seriously.

Somewhere, that woman has a helmet with horns and leather kilt, the pillaging will be next, I am sure. She’ll pillage while smiling and laughing, making it infinitely creepier. Think “Clockwork Orange” with a LadyViking wielding sandbags.

For some reason, I love this about her. She’ll lead me to my grave while singing a cheery tune and laughing. AND she lets me have bread. (a wee bit) I’m keeping her.

but I’m still keeping the lights off.

Perhaps I shouldn’t tell her I want more than a “wee bit” of this hearty peasant bread. I want the whole loaf.

Date and Apricot whole wheat peasant bread

Some peasant breads, particularly those of the land of my trainer (Scandinavia) require a “scalding” of the grain before fermentation, I am too lazy for such nonsense.

This is a simple, straight forward, delicious recipe. The bread has a soft crumb and hearty crust. Though it has apricots and dates, do not overlook it for savory preparations such as a blt or grilled cheese, the savory-sweet combination would be lovely.

peasant breadpeasant bread 4

 

Date and Apricot whole wheat peasant bread

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 15-20 minutes, rise time 2 hou

Cook Time: 40 minutes

Keywords: bake bread breakfast snack vegan vegetarian nut-free soy-free

Ingredients (1 loaf)

  • 1 packet active dry yeast (1 scant tbsp)
  • 3 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
  • 1 1/2 cups unsweetened vanilla almond milk 110F
  • 1 tbsp honey
  • 1 1/2 tsp salt
  • 3 oz chopped dried dates
  • 3 oz chopped dried apricots
  • cooking spray

Instructions

combine the warm milk, yeast, and honey in a mixer’s bowl until it blooms upon the surface of the milk, about 5 minutes

knead in the flour, 1/2 cup at a time with the kneading hook attachment

toss in the fruit after you have 2 cups of flour in the mixture

add enough flour until the dough is pliant

knead for 5 minutes

turn out into a greased bowl and let proof in a warm area for 2 hours, punching down after the first hour

preheat oven to 375F

roll into a large ball on a greased and floured baking sheet

bake for 40 minutes or until center reaches 200F

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Muay Thai Toddler Wrangling

  By breakfasttobed | February 13, 2013 - 10:24 AM | , , , , , , ,
5 Comments

Gird your loins, scamps. The whole of today’s news programming will be SOTU responses, political GIFs, and water bottles.

I will talk about food. I will also talk about the gym. We can all eat, right? (left?)

For a role I am working on, I was set up with a new trainer. For this role, I have to achieve a “harder” look. This is coming off a series of auditions/roles where I had to have a more “feminine” look. (their words, not mine. ladies come in all shapes and sizes.) 

The trainer I was given insisted I only consume 15g of sugar per day, 60g of protein, and 14oo calories.

I was dubious. To me, knowing my activity level, that seemed LOW. I live in NYC, so A: I walk a LOT, B: I drink more coffee than what is probably healthy, but if you drink that much on an empty stomach, you’re asking for trouble.

On a typical day, I walk a few or several miles, go to crossfit 3-4x/week, and do 45 minutes of cardio 6x/week. Not to mention rehearsals/housecleaning/toddler wrangling.

I decided to take it to my experts, my sister wives, Gina and Jenn. Gina also does Crossfit, and has recently completed the Paleo challenge, and Jenn is a dietitian (call her a diet tits, she loves it) Jenn also knows how active I am, and the foods I truly love.

They both reacted with a “what the eff? Not enough calories, Cat!!” Precisely what I thought. I emailed my trainer.

I wrote: “I don’t think that is enough calories to sustain me, and do to my body what needs to be done.”

He immediately re-buffed my complaints, telling me in not so many words that this is his area of expertise, and I shouldn’t question him.

He is right that I am not a trainer, I’m not. He was wrong in that I shouldn’t question him. I’m not in congress either, yet I question them every day. In both instances, I get an a-hole response. Well, I get to vote who I want to represent me, and I get to choose who trains me. It wasn’t going to be that guy. When will service people learn that being condescending isn’t a good business model? If Tina of Best Body Fitness lived near me, she’d be my trainer, but alas, she does not.

Therefore, I needed to make other arrangements. Thankfully, the Viking knows approximately 495734976 trainers. He found a trainer for me who took one look at my previous plan and said “that guy doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground.” Of course, I immediately liked her for her use of foul language.

I am actually proud of myself for how I handled firing the old trainer…at first. I have a tendency to just tell people my honest opinion of them, and move on. That’s not always nice. I told him that I didn’t think we were meshing well together and I thought I’d go in a different direction for my training. He said that I wasn’t going to find a trainer who could do to my body what he could do to it. My sharp tongue made an appearance at his haughty tongue, and I’m not proud. It was a mistake. He deserved it, yes. The guy had said more than one asshole remark to me in the conversation, but I should have been more gracious and less like myself.

I responded with “Of course my new trainer can, she knows an active woman’s body and doesn’t need time to recover after.”

Totally inappropriate, but he really pissed me off with his semi-lude, barely veiled comment. This is why I can never have nice things.

My new trainer is awesome. She is a former Muay Thai fighter, mom, and marathoner. She is acerbic and hilarious. She has me eating CARBS before my cardio so that I don’t feel the need to fall over while rowing (and subsequently drown). She has me drinking recovery shakes. (did you know if you blend orange juice with pasteurized egg whites and vanilla pro powder it tastes JUST like an orange julius??) She doesn’t want me to quit Crossfit just to work with her. She’s designing a complimentary plan to work with my Crossfit, as well as working with my PT to get me back on the roads running.

The best thing? She’s designing ways I can incorporate my kids into my workouts. Amazing.

As Jenn would say, it’s time to “happy dance”.

An even happier dance, because I can have a FEW of these before I workout.

Almond Meringues.

They’re light as air, lower calorie for a dessert, and so, so good.

Do yourselves a favor, if you bake regularly, or like protein shakes, buy the pasteurized egg whites in a jar/carton. They’re easier to use, and you don’t waste yolk unnecessarily. I like eggology or EB or Lucerne if you’re on the West Coast.

almond meringues 4almond meringues 3

 

Almond Meringues

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 5 minutes

Cook Time: up to 2 hours

Keywords: bake appetizer snack dessert gluten-free soy-free vegetarian puffs

Ingredients (2 dozen meringues)

  • 1/3 cup egg whites
  • 3/4 cup sugar
  • 1/2 tsp almond extract
  • 1/2 tsp cream of tartar

Instructions

preheat oven to 200F

using a mixer with a whisk attachment beat the eggs on high to soft peaks

add cream of tartar

beat 30 seconds

add sugar while whisk is mixing very slowly, about 2 tbsp at a time

beat until nearly firm peaks

add extract and beat just a few seconds more

pour whites into a large piping bag fitted with whichever tip you prefer

pipe into 1″ mounds onto a silpat lined baking sheet,

using a wet finger, damp down the point

bake 1.5-2 hours or until dry all through.

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Showing Your Lady Pointers on Fat Tuesday

  By breakfasttobed | February 12, 2013 - 10:01 AM | , , ,
12 Comments

Fake it till you make it.

There are eleven million ways from Sunday I put this mantra to use. Not in the mood to make dinner? I try a new recipe. Not in the mood to go to the gym? I invite the Navajo, who will not only motivate me, but he will also push me past the limitations I put on myself. Not in the mood to *ahem* “be romantic”? That is why G-d created pretty underwear and men who bring you coffee in bed.  (note to the ten straight men who read my blog..bring your lady coffee…it’s a thing…do it shirtless…it’s a better thing..to the several hundred gay men who read my blog every day, keep on doing what you’re doing.)

This morning, my kids were hungry, spilling my coffee, (not brought to me by a shirtless man..dammit) and causing all sorts of household hecatomb before 7am. I was really trying to keep my cool, and soldier on. If I let them feed themselves?? noooo…can’t even think about going there.  I slapped on a smile, poured another cuppa from my French press, and started making waffle batter for Fat Tuesday.

Ok, so they’re whole wheat, orange, and oat, making them rather lean, but I DID allow much butter and honey/condensed milk topping. Fat Tuesday obesity day starts at home, people.

The entire time I was scooping and pouring, I kept chanting in my head “fake it till you make it”, “if you smile and soldier on, you won’t end up banging your head into the wall.” It worked. The waffles were delicious, and breakfast was saved. I felt like Galahad in “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” after learning of his quest saying “G-d be Praised”. I then went on about my day galloping with clanging coconuts, and a pair of non-migratory swallows.

My point is that you can change your whole day/week/month/year/life by claiming that mantra as your own. Fake it till you make it. If you want to eat better or exercise more, start with what you absolutely know, and work from there. Live like a healthy person. You know that walking to the store is probably healthier than driving; except if you live far north right now, don’t freeze your toes and lady pointers just to get milk. You didn’t want ice cream, you wanted milk. Why would you take advice about walking to a store from a NYer anyway if you live in Anchorage?….(try the store walking thing in July) You know that non-fried food is healthier than fried food. You know that a veggie pizza is better than meat lovers if it has the same cheese/sauce/crust.

Do what you know, and learn what you don’t. It works. Just.keep.trying. Strangely enough, the more you actively live the lifestyle, the more likely you are to keep it up. Health is as much about routine as it is about motivation. I don’t always want to go to Crossfit, but they expect me there, because I go regularly. If I don’t go, my routine is screwed and the other Xfitters will probably make fun of me. LAME. I don’t always want to eat kale, but I always put the damn bag in my cart, knowing I don’t want to waste food, and if I buy it, I’ll eat it. The same goes for junk food, if I buy it, I’ll eat it. I don’t buy it. Often. 

Today is Fat Tuesday, though. Not much faking it needed. I used to be fat. I KNOW what makes fat. Obesity, thy name is breakfast. Pretend the waffles themselves aren’t ridiculously healthy, and only topped with the unhealthy. I’ll pretend they’re swimming in lard if you will. Seriously though, drizzle these bad boys with condensed milk and orange curd, and you will be in heaven. Or, if you’re giving up junk food for Lent, drizzle lightly with honey and smear with some nut butter.

Orange Oat Waffles.

orange oat waffles 2

 

Orange Oat Waffles

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 5 minutes

Cook Time: 10 minutes

Keywords: bake bread breakfast side dessert vegetarian soy-free nut-free low-sodium

Ingredients (4 waffles)

  • 1 cup whole wheat flour
  • 1 cup quick oats
  • 1 cup vanilla coconut milk
  • 1, individually sized container blood orange chobani or plain greek yogurt
  • 2 egg whites
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • zest of two oranges
  • 1 tsp baking soda

Instructions

stir together all ingredients and pour onto greased, preheated waffle iron.

cook until it buzzes.

serve.

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