Impatient Dragon

Crawl in Your Hidey-Hole, Drink, and Read.

Ahhhhh, another book post!! HUZZAH!

This was actually a *really* tough list. If you take a look at my Goodreads list, you can see I read an epic fornicationton of series books this past year. In fact, I read far more books in–or beginning a series than not.

I like my books like I like my men….always keeping me guessing. (You thought I was going to say “long-lasting,” didn’t you? You’re filthy. Get thy head out of the gutter!)

I really enjoy the scandent nature of a serial narrative. Because I read so quickly, I like knowing there’s more to enjoy. Yes, there is something to be said about a phenomenal standalone novel, (and a book post with the best of those to come) but I love being involved in the long-term metamorphosis of a character. Sometimes, a character turns into a butterfly over seven or ten books. Sometimes? Well, sometimes they turn into assholes. (I’m looking at you, Sookie Stackhouse!–I still love you, though. Let’s do imaginary lunch, k?)

Don’t look at me like I’m crazy. I don’t need verification. I’m already in academia.

Let’s get this list going, shall we? It’s lengthy…you know, just how I like my…..

scrabble games.

(as per usual, the picture is a link!)

First up! A book series I ALWAYS buy on both audible and kindle/physical book…

The Iron Druid Chronicles by Kevin Hearne. Narrated by Luke Daniels. Not only was this book ohholyfuckingtacossogood, it surpassed previous books in the series. That is damn HUGE for a long-lived series. The narration is incredible–like, my three year old not waking at five am–incredible. Bonus to the narration? I CAN’T FUCKING READ OR PRONOUNCE IRISH GAELIC. Luke Daniels says the words out loud, so the names in the book make sense. “Siodhachan o Suileabhain?” ummm, in my head that looks like “no fucking way not even gonna try–let’s call him ‘Steve.'” Or Atticus, whatever.

The storyline also gave me my favorite line of the entire year…

shattered

The book also contains another favorite quote…

salami

NEXT!

Ohhhh, Merit. You may believe (wrongly) that pizza can be four-inches deep and stuffed full of meat, 😉 but I love you. If you were as real in life as you are on the pages, I would correct you of this notion. You’ve apparently been misinformed. (Didn’t you go to NYU?!?! For SHAME!)

This is the TENTH book in the series. That means, if you start now, you could have your reading dance card punched THROUGH THE NEW YEAR. (Or, at least NYE.) Is it Urban Fantasy? Is it romance? IS IT A HOT SWEDISH GUY ROLLING AROUND WITH A FIERCE AND SMART BRUNETTE DANCER? It is all of these things. More importantly, I just re-read this one, (Ok, it was read to me) and it’s even better the second time.

All good things must come to an end, but I WASN’T READY. I’m secretly figuring out how to make supernatural stuff real so that I can bewitch Deborah Harkness into creating another book in this world–revolving around Gallowglass and his own lady. HE DESERVES HIS OWN LADY!! *because, he is, of course, 100% real and not the figment of Deborah Harkness’ imagination.* This book held me in an iron fist and didn’t let up until I closed it. Obviously, Gallowglass still has one arm around my waist. I don’t mind.

The depths to which I love Mercy Thompson cannot be overstated. Let’s also Bechdel/race test this book, shall we? 1) Mercy is Native American/Bi-racial. 2) She COMPLETELY kicks all of the ass. 3)She’s just one of many non-white people, or women, or non-white women who kick ALL OF THE ASS in these novels. 4)Her closest friend is a gay werewolf. 5) She is college-educated but works in a blue-collar, male-dominated field. 6) Her cat is named Medea. (Ok, that’s not Bechdel-y per se, but still kick ass.) She also rocks some serious ink. (like many awesome ladies I know.)

These books are a wild ride, let me tell you. They are funny, fast, intense reads that grip you by the ovaries/brovaries and twist. Trust me, that only sounds like an unpleasant experience. Honest to Pete, you never are quite sure how things are going to turn out. Oddly, though, it’s the dialogue that I like the best.

“Desandra shrugged her shoulders. “Hey, Kate? Have you thought of walking up to Hugh and telling him that he’s got the biggest dick ever?” She spread her arms to the size of a baseball bat.
“No, you think it would work?” I asked.
“It’s worth a try. May be he’ll be so happy you noticed his pork sword, he’ll forget all about trying to kill us.”
Pork sword. Kill me now. “I’ll think about it.”
Ascanio began patting his clothes.
“What?” Derek growled.
“Looking for something to take notes with.”
Ilona Andrews, Magic Breaks

If I were to ever be with the son of Satan, I’d want him to be just like Reyes Farrow. I’d want quippy Gilmore Girls-esque dialogue with our friends. However, don’t ever expect me to be responsible in the apocalypse. If zombies ever take over, I’m sure to be the first to die. The only thing I have going for me is a lot of tech knowledge and the ability to run 26 or more miles without stopping. Thank heavens Charley Davidson is almost-could-be-maybe ready to battle for us. Darynda Jones is one of those authors you think, “damn, she’d be so much fun to play Uno with and get drunk together.” This book was pee-your-pants funny, and stick-in-your-filling sweet. I loved it.

This is book #14(!!!!) in the series Immortals After Dark. The title of the series, and shirtless state of the man on the book should give you some content clues about this book. Kresley Cole is EASILY my favorite author of books I’d rather my mother not know I read. (prepare for a hella run-on) She turns your crank and then makes you laugh so hard you forgot your crank was turned and your husband looks at you like you’re nuts because you were absent-mindedly stroking his thigh and then you smack him while laughing with tears running down your face. So you should probably read these.

 

Two from Elizabeth Hunter. She had a rather prodigious year–as did the next and last author on the list–Penny Reid. I waited for what seemed like ten elephant pregnancies for Desert Bound to be released. Thank all of the gods it lived up to every expectation I had for it. I have gifted this series no fewer than SIX times. SIX. I’m like the Oprah of Elizabeth Hunter books.

The Irin Chronicles series is so different from most of the PNR/fantasy books I’ve read that I just keep coming back to read bits and pieces of it. When I closed The Singer, I thought, “Damn, now isn’t that just something else!” Granted, Elizabeth Hunter hasn’t written anything I’ve not loved, but that’s true of several authors.*winks at Kurt Vonnegut* That doesn’t mean I’m going to stump for them on my blog. Incidentally, Irin was just released on audible, and they’re MINE MINE ALLMINE!

This book. OMG, romance is NOT dead, guys!! This book wrapped me in a haven-y blanket of hot man-bun/beard action, and then sang to my soul with the sweet, and not-at-all-awkward, guitar playing, poetry writing dude. Not to mention, it takes place deep in the heart of the mountains, which just reminds me of family. I don’t think there’s a “Cletus” in my clan, but there’s a Cline…and a Clinton…Elza…Gaynor…This book requires three things: tissues, Tempranillo, and time. It’s not that long, but there’s a lot of time spent gasping. (by the reader, not the author.)

NOW?!?! booze. Because? 1300 words for a blog post. Time to drank.

Also, Amy and My awesome bookclub deserves a cocktail of the month. Join us. We’re reading Atwood.

Dark Chocolate Peppermint Pattitini

It’s as if a candy cane joe-joe had a love-child with your future hangover.

Dark Chocolate Peppermint Pattitini Dark Chocolate Peppermint Pattitini Dark Chocolate Peppermint Pattitini

Dark Chocolate Peppermint Pattitini

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 5 minutes

Keywords: beverage dessert

Ingredients

  • 2 oz dark chocolate Godiva liqueur
  • 1 oz peppermint vodka (or just fill a glass with vodka and about 15 peppermints and let it sit overnight in the fridge, use an ounce of that)
  • 1 tsp dark chocolate syrup

optional

  • melted dark chocolate, ground oreo cookies, and crushed mints for the rim

Instructions

shake liqueurs and syrup with ice

rim glass with first, melted dark chocolate, and then roll in a cookie crumb and peppermint mix

pour neat.

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Malaysian Iced Coffee

Caffeine Won’t Make You Paranoid, Will It? WHAT WAS THAT?!

There is a nap waiting for me at the end of this post.  In fact, I am on my third cup of coffee since 5 am, and it feels like I need ten more.

sleepy kitty is sleepy.

Unfortunately, there will be no book post this week as the only things I am reading are just those pertinent to my scholarship. However, if you’d like to discuss Can the Subaltern Speak, I’ll point you in the direction of SOMEONE OTHER THAN ME, who’d still like to engage. In a week and a half, when this semester is over for me, I plan on reading nothing but fiction. All fiction, all the time, for six weeks. Do you plan on forwarding this really interesting article about the relative importance of the banana factory from 100 Years of Solitude when juxtaposed against the iPhone factories in China? Great! I’m not reading it. 

Samuel L Jackson and Joe Biden are second-parent adopting me with the third parent being Elizabeth Warren. I will make them cookies and they will bring beer, get the snakes off the plane, and kick the man in the nutsack.

For the next six weeks, I am going to go to the gym more than what I have been able to do in the past few weeks. I am going to finally defeat the man in a game of Risk, and I’m going to eat ALL OF THE SALAD, EVER. Seriously. Do you know the stereotype of scholars/students eating on the go? It’s 100% TRUE. I just want lettuce with stuff on top. Yummy stuff. Eggs, beets, feta cheese so salty that it burns your tongue. Dressing made with the tears of my professors. Absolutely NO CROUTONS. Those are just gross.

I want to run ten miles through snow so deep that my ankles go numb. I want to do so many KPUs that my belly button feels the burn. I want to use course catalogs as kindling and stoke the fires of my FEELS.

The other night, as the ambien was taking hold, and my sanity was dwindling, I decided to text my oldest and dearest, Broadway Baby. It went a little like this:

Me:”I think that I’ve reached terminal velocity on my stupidity.”

Him:”baby, that was ten years ago. You’re just floating like Sandra Bullock at this point.”

Me: “You smell like old cheese.”

Him: “Why are you stupid?”

Me: “I just mistakenly used passive voice in a thesis statement.”

Him: “show the professor Lucy and Ethyl and he’ll get over it. What is passive voice?”

Me: “he’s a she, and straight. And, I have needed to use passive voice in the past, but I deleted it this time before I needed to have handed it in.”

Him: “you’re good, then.”

Me: “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!! I USED PASSIVE VOICE!!”

Him: “honey, get Sir Shirtless to carry you to bed.”

Me: “okaaaay. smooches.”

Why is using passive voice what I think about before bed?!?!? WHO AM I?!?! Seriously, who does that shit? Passive voice was actually staving off the effects of a NARCOTIC. That’s how neurotic I’ve become. There’s got to be a program for that. Dangling modifiers and passive voice obsessors anonymous, maybe? Yes. There must be something similar.

Now onto the good stuff. The real reason you come to my hole in the world wide web. Something laden with sugar to go with your salad.

In Brooklyn, you can find pretty much anything your heart desires. Including a myriad of variations on iced coffee. This time of year, I am particularly drawn to the Malaysian iced coffee that this tiny shop in the Bath Beach section of Brooklyn is known for selling. I think I’m drawn to it because it has the essential flavors of the season poured in each cup: cinnamon, orange, and vanilla. I know what you’re thinking. “Orange? In coffee? EWWW.” I swear to you, it is just a hint, and it is SO GOOD. It smells like those sachets that fancy stores boil to scent their shops. It is pure heaven.

At the shop, they make it “Teh Tarik” style, by pulling it back and forth.

I would burn every skin cell off my hands if I tried that shit.

I have managed a reasonable facsimile of my favorite iced beverage at home, where I stir it. I now share it with you!

Malaysian Iced Coffee

Malaysian iced coffee malaysian iced coffee Malaysian iced coffee

Malaysian Iced Coffee

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 7 minutes

Keywords: beverage Malaysian

Ingredients (2 large glasses)

  • 24 oz double strength coffee. double strength for YOUR tastebuds
  • (for a 32 oz french press, this is 1/3+ cup grounds for the pot)
  • 6 tbsp sweetened condensed milk
  • 3-5 dashes of orange essence, or ONE dash/drop orange oil/extract. these are VERY different monsters. Essence is mixed with WATER and is lighter.
  • 1/4 tsp vanilla extract
  • 1/4 tsp cinnamon

Instructions

BEFORE YOU BREW YOUR COFFEE

sprinkle cinnamon over grounds :)

brew the coffee

let it come to room temperature

get out two glasses

fill with ice

pour coffee into separate measuring cup and add extract and essence

stir well

pour 3 tbsp per glass of sweetened condensed milk over the ice

add the coffee

stir VIGOROUSLY.

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fit gifts

Gift Guide for Your Annoying Fit Friends

HELLLOOOOOO,

This is my THIRD AND FINAL gift roundup post! You know, unless I decide I want to passive aggressively suggest more gifts I think the man should gift me. Because, obviously, I’m a CATCH. I deserve, like, at LEAST a cheese grater or new dustbuster. (For the record, I’d be totally ok with a cheese grater. If the man got me a dustbuster, I’d use the cheese grater on him.)

This selection of suggestions is for that really annoying person in your life who posts their workouts on instagram, facebook, twitter, daily mile, random post its that you find around the house, stands on street corners to tell everyone they’ve qualified for Boston. They eat Paleo. They have a designated sparring partner. They tell you all about these weird people that make them do awful things—Mitch, Fran, Isabel, and Roy– They count the macros of their nutritional intake and tell you at Christmas dinner that this is their “cheat day.” I’ve done most of these but qualify for Boston, eat Paleo—because, cookies–and have cheat days.(Only days that end in Y!)

 

I totally make post its to remind myself that I need to run or I’ll be forced to go more often to the head shrinker. And I don’t like talking about my feelings to anyone but the cold sterility of the internet.

I never said I was evolved.

The first group is fitness WEAR. These you would get for the person in your life who lives at Athleta, Dick’s, and prays to LuLuLemon. You haven’t seen them in jeans since they started taking yoga in 2008. You’re now certain they only have one large boob.

*click pic for link.

 The 2XU contour sport bra. It is SO comfy, and has just enough padding as to hide your/their headlights. Thank all the gods. EYES ARE UP HERE, GUYS!

just ask anyone.

 

 

everyone has a fucking beard.

 

 

 

 

This tank from ReEvolve Clothing and this tee shirt from Bear Strength Fitness are not only funny, they’re functional. Combed cotton and not skin tight, it’s exactly what one wants wear when one is bitching at Mitch.

Wrist wraps for weight lifting. I have the world’s weakest wrists. I’d NEVER MAKE IT as a dude. I hear they need a lot of strength in theirs…to use on a daily basis. These wraps provide comfortable support and make me look more credible as a weight lifter, even though I basically just wing it.

 

 

Running tights from Oiselle and men’s “base layer” running gear from Under Armour (because dudes can’t POSSIBLY wear tights!) Are the perfect way to say “I’d love to see you in stretchy pants. That ass, though.”

 

 

 

Now? Gear. Because, the $100/mo gym membership isn’t enough.

Kettlebells. I think Stalin or, perhaps, Attila the Hun invented these instruments of torture. The bane of AMRAP (as many reps as possible) WOD-doers everywhere, of course people want them at home, too!

An activity tracker with extras, this combined HRM/step/sleep tracker, is a perfect extension for your fitness fanatic’s neurosis. Also, it finally gives people a chance to check their wrist again to get out of conversations. “Hey, would you look at that! I really have to run.”

I hate pull ups. I hated them in elementary school, I hate them now. Every time I step up to the bar at Crossfit, I can hear Bryce Lepley from my third grade class yelling “I bet you can’t even do one! You can’t even kickball!” Bryce Lepley was really bad at talking smack. I can SO DO THE pullups now, and he’s probably still bad at talking smack. This comforts me. I’ll use this to practice at home. HOW YA LIKE ME NOW, BAD BULLY FACE!?

And finally, for that person you hate. That person who got you a month’s subscription to Weight Watcher’s and a year of Of Course You’re Not Fat, magazine….

Happy Christmas, you smell awful.

 And now…I DID IT ALL FOR THE COOKIES.

I’ll just leave this one here.

Today’s cookie is PERFECTION for the holidays. They’re like little mouth miracle.

Chocolate Candy Cane Chewies

Chocolate Candy Cane Chewies Chocolate Candy Cane Chewies Chocolate Candy Cane Chewies

Chocolate Candy Cane Chewies

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Cook Time: 10 minutes

Keywords: bake appetizer breakfast dessert snack cookie

Ingredients (3 dozen)

  • 1/2 cup butter, softened
  • 1 1/2 cup sugar
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • 1/2 cup dark cocoa powder
  • 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 cup crushed candy canes
  • 1 cup dark chocolate chips
  • 1/2 tsp peppermint extract

Instructions

Preheat oven to 350F

sift together dry ingredients and set aside

cream butter and sugar

add in vanilla and eggs, slowly

add a little of the flour mixture at a time until combined

stir in chips and candy cane pieces

drop 1 tbsp drops onto parchment or silpat lined cookie sheets, 1″ apart

bake for 9-11 minutes or just set.

let cool on sheets for 4 minutes before transferring to cooling rack.

store in an airtight container.

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soft oatmeal scotchies

All Things for Face Holes

Hellllooooooo! Well, here we are! Another Sunday Sweet! This one has a bit of a twist! It’s also my Foodie Gift Guide!

But first….the great and powerful Oz Carla Birnberg posted a link today that is a ranking of the most stressed zips by rank. Unsurprisingly, my neighborhood falls in the top two thousand. Strangely enough, just a few zips over in crunchy munchy Park Slope, Brooklyn, the rank zips past 15k. *to give you an idea, The Squid and the Whale is set in the Slope. My only conclusion about why they’re so much less stressed is that THEY LIVE IN A DEN OF LIES.

They don’t have thrones in the hippie commune.

Seriously. I love the restaurants in the neighborhood, and (here’s where I’m going to sound like a racist making excuses) some of my best friends live there!! But seriously, any neighborhood known for breaking into damn near hysterics over not being able to bring a baby to a bar *this is a thing that happened* is not without stress. I bet, if you started a discussion with any number of people at their gigantic food coop, they’d tell you how their children only drink organic, non-gmo milk that they themselves hand wrung from only the most precious of hemp nipples from Narnia.

and I am NOT A HEMP!! THAT’S NOT MY NIPPLE!! oh wait…I think…YES WRING ME! YES!

 

Moving on! ooooooosaahhhhhh. Ok! First, gifts, then LIFE CHANGING COOKIES!

foodie gift guide

 

First! Gifts for people who like to make the food they stuff in their face holes. Click on pic for link to buy. I get zilcho money for this, so feel free to buy wherever you so choose. SUPPORT LOCAL!

THIS

I’m all mixed up about you.

This mixer is a BEAST for the home. Unlike other mixers (which shall remain nameless) this one doesn’t choke at a loaf of challah with 8 cups of flour. It whips eggs like the scads of women who read 50 Shades whip their husbands. Whip-chhhhh (sound effects!) Mr Gray (mixer) will see you now.

Is it getting hot in here? Or is it just me?

THERMOMETER GUN. These things are just cool…(bad pun alert!) I am tempted to take mine around rehearsal and check for fever before I have to kiss anyone. Or maybe their temperature is elevated because I make them SO HOT. yeah, doubtful. YOU HAVE THE FLU, AND YOU HAVE THE FLU!!

Can I see your lil’ smokie?

I love love love bacon. You love love love bacon. We all love bacon. Let’s make it ourselves. Add in some lox, a little schmear, and you have the least kosher bagel toppings ever. Tastes like sin….mmmm.

 

You can’t construct a rebellion without cookies.

NEXT! Winos. If they hate what you buy them, at least they’re too drunk to care.

Betty White is a superhero.

red wine and humans have one thing in common: the need to breathe.

A decanter for red wine. It really does enhance the flavor of the wine to let it breathe. Try it.

unbreakable…like my black soul.

Seriously, you need shatterproof wine glasses in your life for your longer evenings.

This one. THIS RED.

This wine. This exact one. Buy it. Put it in that there decanter. Then in your unbreakable glass, because you’ll (I mean they’ll) finish the bottle in one sitting. I will forever love Caitlin for introducing me to wine at my front door. One bottle of this and a night with the man, and a Wes Anderson movie, and I forget I live in one of the top two-thousand most-stressed zip codes.

I hear wine helps.

NEXT UP! Gifts for people who just like to stuff their face holes.

this is so true.

First?

I LOVE AND ADORE these brownies. They just happen to be available by mail. Because encouraging others to eat their feelings is healthy. When I was pregnant with the Captain, I had TWO PER WEEK. The shop girl also did NOT give me dirty looks when I didn’t ask for decaf. (ONE CUP A DAY IS FOINE!) Wonder if she gave me unleaded, anyway?

Because, when you eat your feelings, maybe you should be healthy.

This is, no lie, the best granola you’ll ever buy. It’s fecking amazing. The Peanut ate an entire bag IN ONE DAY. My Peanut, who IS THE PICKIEST EATER KNOWN TO HUMANKIND. Yeah. She poured it on yogurt, with coconut milk, homegirl crunched it onto her “bwead butta samich,” everything. SO GOOD.

 

pouring over the details….of how I wake up.

Ok, honestly, I know I’ve talked about my favorite thing ever, shirtless coffeepreviously on my blog. So you know, the man and I use a French Press. HOWEVER, recently, I discovered Chemex coffee, and I am trying to get the man to convert to this on weekends, holidays, and birthdays. (we allll know how accommodating women are to their husbands on these days!! wink wink) Tis only fair!

And now for the delicious and amazing and life changing cookies! I MADE OATMEAL SCOTCHIES THAT DON’T GO FLAT AND RETAIN A SOFT CENTER. Much like myself.

Oh, who am I kidding, my innards are like granite.

Soft Oatmeal Scotchies.

soft oatmeal scotchies
soft oatmeal scotchiessoft oatmeal scotchiessoft oatmeal scotchies

 

Soft Oatmeal Scotchies

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Cook Time: 9-10 minutes

Keywords: bake appetizer breakfast dessert snack cookie

Ingredients (3 dozen cookies)

  • 1 cup packed brown sugar
  • 1/3 cup white sugar
  • 1/2 cup butter
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1 cup old-fashioned oats
  • 1 1/3 cup flour
  • 1 box (not family sized) vanilla or butterscotch cook and serve pudding mix
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • 1, 12 oz bag of butterscotch chips

Instructions

Preheat oven to 350F

cream butter and sugar

add vanilla and eggs

sift together dry ingredients and toss the butterscotch chips in the mix

stir in a bit of the dry mix into the wet a spoonful or two at a time.

drop into 1- 1 1/2 tbsp mounds onto a lined cookie sheet 1″ apart

bake for 8-10 minutes, the bottoms will be just turning brown.

let cool on sheet for 3 minutes before transferring to a cooling rack.

store in airtight container.

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IMG_0412

Eye Patches and Avian Accessories.

Ok, I am anything but a clothes hound, but I will admit to a certain love of dressing. It wasn’t always this way. When I was overweight, though I still adored reading about fashion and shoes, the ability to dress was out of my control. I was limited to what a few stores deemed appropriate for “a woman of size.” (Not something I just made up. When I went dress shopping for a friend’s wedding, the shoplady called me “a woman of size.” As opposed to “a woman of worth” or “a woman with size eleven feet to jam up her…”)

I remember the longing I felt for clothes I never thought I’d be able to wear. I’d flip through Vogue or Lucky or any number of magazines, and lament the fact there was seemingly nothing comparable available to women above a size 10.

Even now, at a size 6, I still feel big compared to what I see in the magazines and on television. I find it ridiculous. I know I’m healthy. I eat (mostly) right. I work out. I run. I spend hours at a time just milling about the house and cleaning so that I can listen to audiobooks to the finish. And if those audiobooks happen to steer into rated-R territory I do have earbuds thankyouverymuch. I’m NOT the stationary woman I was. No where close.

In fact, the only time I’m sitting down is when I’m writing or reading. I don’t really even watch my Netflix while seated. I watch it at the gym or standing in the kitchen.

But here’s the thing. EVERY FREAKING WOMAN ON THIS PLANET could find something to bitch about in magazines and on tv, and it’s EXPECTED. In fact, it’s so expected, it’s BORING.

“I’m too old for this.”

“My boobs are too big”

“My boobs are too small”

“My boobs fit in this bed just right.” (Little known fact–Goldilocks is a G cup. She used to bind them down, but then decided that DRESSING BY OTHER PEOPLE’S STANDARDS WAS SUPER DUMBFACE.)

GOLDILOCKS NO LONGER HAS ANY DAMNS TO GIVE.

I know that I am a tall, small breasted, sort of boy-shaped woman. I don’t always like it. I don’t like the fact that skater dresses are in style right now, because there isn’t a less-flattering silhouette on my frame. I love that leather leggings are still in style because they work well on me.

I’m never going to have Ariana Grande’s ass, and she’s never going to have my height. BFD. We can have the same manicure. I’ll bet we even wear the same size earrings. Again, BFD.

I’m done celebrating and lamenting one specific body-type over another. The ideal is in constant flux, anyway. I just want to celebrate STYLE. Personal. Style. Whatever effing makes you, YOU. Are you a fan of brightly-colored jumpsuits or pirate eye-patches? Great. A BOLD choice. I hope you have a parrot, or at least a peg leg. Are you a preppy and pretty southern belle who loves pearls like most people love coffee? FANTASTIC. I’ll be there with pie and very alcoholic sweet tea. I also might fall into a faint a lot around you saying things like, “I do declare!” and “I’d just like a mess of biscuits right now. Could you just?”

Let it be known my entire knowledge base of deep southern-language speak is from Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, True Blood, and Django Unchained. Also, what I haven’t blocked of Paula Deen from my memory.

Or maybe, like me, you love clothes and shoes, and that just happens to include many tee shirts of the geek variety. Awesome.

Be your plus sized/mid sized/small sized/boobed/butted/toothed self, and have or not have your tattoos and belly button rings or fascination with the color yellow or looking like a bumble bee, and ROCK IT.

In celebration of rocking your own self. Your own style. Your own lack of giving a crap about what you put on your body that isn’t a special, organic, hemp-based, non-aerosol spray lotion infused with the tears of a pterodactylus. I have culled several of my favorite docs about or featuring personal style. Available on NETFLIX.

We all know what my baking style is…it’s not precision frosting, that’s for sure. But it is YUMMY. Today, I felt like embracing the holiday season and making…

Soft Eggnog Sugar Cookies with Cream Cheese Frosting

Soft Eggnog Sugar Cookies with Cream Cheese Frosting Soft Eggnog Sugar Cookies with Cream Cheese Frosting

Soft Eggnog Sugar Cookies with Cream Cheese Frosting

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 20 minutes + 1 hour chill time

Cook Time: 10 minutes

Keywords: bake dessert cookie

Ingredients (2 dozen cut outs)

    for the cookies

    • 3/4 cup butter
    • 1 egg
    • 2/3 cup dark brown sugar
    • 1/2 tsp almond extract
    • 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
    • 1/2 tsp rum extract
    • 1 tsp cinnamon
    • 1/4 tsp nutmeg
    • 3/4 tsp baking powder
    • 2 cups flour
    • 2 tbsp corn starch

    for the frosting

    • 8 oz softened cream cheese
    • 1 cup powdered sugar
    • 1 tsp vanilla extract
    • 1/2 tsp rum extract
    • green food coloring-optional

    Instructions

    cream butter and sugar

    add egg

    add extracts

    sift in dry ingredients

    the dough will be a drier dough, like modeling clay

    roll up in saran wrap and chill for an hour or more

    Preheat oven to 350F

    roll out dough to 1/2″ thick and cut out shapes and re-roll as necessary

    bake 8 minutes and let cool completely

    for the frosting

    whip together ingredients

    frost cookies

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    Though Netflix sponsored these posts, all opinions and recipes are my own.

    Though Netflix sponsored these posts, all opinions and recipes are my own.