Me and My Kinky Ass.

Oh good grief, I am a hot mess today. You see, yesterday was both a national holiday, and my long run day of the week. Great, right? You’d think so. However, because I had, you know, time, I decided I’d do an extra-long stretch session once I returned home. Also great, right?

WRONG.

You see, Saturday was “Bring a buddy to CrossFit” day, and also a bit of a fun CrossFit competition within my box. Kind of like intramural sports. Well, I should tell you that going “balls to the wall” at CrossFit, after finishing your first week of marathon training, is ill-advised at best.  185lb deadlift? SURE! First real attempt at butterfly pull-ups? GREAT! Burpees and row? AWESOME. While we’re at it, why don’t we throw in some power snatches? FANTASTIC.  Things I probably shouldn’t have done two days before my long run and long stretch? A double-day at Crossfit.

I ended up with a kink in my ass. A kink to end all kinks. This was shibari mixed with furries level of kink. This was an American Horror Story themed issue of Hustler sized kink in my glutes. To put it mildly, I was considering rolling out the knot with a ball gag.

So, of course, I followed that up with a day of becoming one with the sofa, and then… FIFTEEN MILES, average pace 7:58/mi.

To be honest, it was a great run. The whole time I was running, I just felt right. It felt damn good. It was 35°F, no wind, my running shirt had thumbholes, and my running vest had fig and honey jellies in it. (I’ll make a blog of these soon. They’re an all-natural, shelf stable alternative to shot bloks and gus. Also, since they’re made with honey, they have additional benefits like combating runners sickness and the nutrients are more bioavailable.) Basically, the entire run, I felt like this…

Until I started foam rolling. Foam rolling was agonizing. Every time I rolled over my right glute, I felt the pain and tightness radiate up my back and down my leg. It was excruciating. It was as necessary as breathing at that point. That knot had to go. I gritted my teeth as the Navajo helped roll me back and forth over the tube of doom.

When the man got home, I said “You’ve got to rub my ass.” The look he gave me indicated he did not understand the massive amount of “ow” I was experiencing. I quickly disabused him of any notion of possible extra-curricular activities that did not include icy hot and extensive discussion of Bart Yasso. (if this is your idea of sexy sexy, please reconsider, that is not what Icy Hot is made for, and I think it could injure the areas we pointed to on a doll that one time in grade school as a place “NO ONE SHOULD TOUCH!”)

It turns out, having your husband massage your ass is not as good a solution as one would hope. It TICKLED. Like CRAZY. This seemed to make it all the more pervtastic, as I was laughing hysterically, and everyone knows that no man can resist a woman who has lost her damn mind and is lazing about in a Batman tee shirt and boxer briefs, while smelling of mentholatum.

It’s a *little* bit better today, and I am hoping that the 6 “shake out” miles that I have scheduled for today will help. For now? Ibuprofen and water. Lots of water.

Until tonight? a recipe.

I make these string beans all the time. My kids just go gaga for them. It’s an easy and healthy way to get them to eat greens without complaint.

Healthy Take-Out Style Green Beans

Healthy Take-Out Style Green Beans Healthy Take-Out Style Green Beans

 

 

Healthy Take-Out Style Green Beans

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Cook Time: 15 minutes

Keywords: saute appetizer side Chinese

Ingredients (serves 4)

  • 1 lb of cleaned, tipped string beans
  • 2 tbsp high heat oil. (cold pressed grapeseed or canola or coconut)
  • 2 tbsp LOW SODIUM oyster sauce
  • 1 tsp red pepper flake
  • 1 tsp ground fresh ginger
  • 2 tsp ground fresh garlic

Instructions

steam the green beans in a pot of 2″ of water until they turn bright green

transfer to ice bath

pull out and let dry

heat oil in a wok on HIGH

when oil is shimmering, add beans

toss until each bean gets a bit fried

turn down heat to medium and add additional ingredients.

stir to coat and cook one more minute

serve hot or at room temperature.

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16 thoughts on “Me and My Kinky Ass.

  1. Ugh you rock-15 miles at sub-8?! Also I can't wait for that honey jellies recipe. I have Crossfitted training for both my marathons and frankly it had to take a back seat, especially the month leading up to the race. My legs were too damn sore from deadlifts and squats after or before long runs!
  2. I am totally going to make Vegas rub my ass tomorrow. Super heave hip lifts last night with my trainer has put a kink in my ass too. It's not my usual kink preference... hope yours feels better today!
  3. I'm jealous of your insanely fit day yesterday, but I can't say I'm jealous of the kinky ass. Haha. I've currently got some IT band issues, which have caused the fight that my foam roller and I are in - love/extra hate relationship.
  4. Girlfriend you are so fast!!! At least you have week one in the books! I am looking forward to these jellies. I'm a whole foods fuel kinda runner. I usually use dates, but would love this fig/honey combo I'm sure.

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