That Boy Had Stones.

I’m going to confess something. Every once in a while, I feed my kids something that is absolute crap. I do this because A: sometimes, absolute crap just tastes good, and B: I never want my kids to end up as the highly annoying “holier than thou” adults who run around with their overly-developed sense of superiority spouting shit like: “My mom never let us have pop tarts, never.” You know people like that say it will all of the conviction someone might use to say “My mother never let me wear a lead bikini and play in nuclear waste! HOW PREPOSTEROUS!”

I’m pretty sure my mother was unaware that my siblings and I played near an abandoned rock quarry-type thing. But, then again, it’s not like they were very interested in close supervision. It was awesome. I’m trying to remember if that’s the place my first real boyfriend got to second base or not….might have been.

This morning, mostly out of my own curiosity, we had chocolate peanut butter pop tarts. I was expecting these to taste like a cross between a strange British digestive biscuit and Reese cup. I cannot fathom a sexier love child.

Ok, maybe one.

Don’t lie to yourself and tell me that you don’t want one. It’s Reese. It’s ice cream. It has fudge AND crunchies.

I was so disappointed. The chocolate peanut butter pop tart tasted nothing of digestive biscuit and happiness. It tastes of 3am drunken snack after breaking up with your college boyfriend on the quad after you realize that he’s been playing hide the snitch with his entire quidditch team.

Pardon me while I fall into a pit of despair.

This is upsetting to me, because I am certain that one of the world’s most perfect/awful foods on planet earth is a chocolate pop tart that’s been toasted until just burned, and buttered on the non-frosting side. It doesn’t taste of cheating seeker. It tastes of pure heaven.

50 points to Gryffindor!

Note to others: don’t make the same mistake I made. Assume that all other flavors of Pop Tarts aside from Brown Sugar Cinnamon, Chocolate Vanilla, and Double Chocolate will taste like regret and bad Keanu Reeves movies.

I feel much the same way about the peanut butter pop tarts as I do about karaoke. I always anticipate fun. It seems like I probably had fun the last time I did it, but the actual doing of the singing and the black-out drinking so I can do the singing, is probably less-fun than I originally thought.

All that being said. I feed my kids healthy, wholesome foods 90% of the time. Even the majority of sweets that they eat are unprocessed and homemade. But again, I like having fun and don’t want to raise entitled douches, so the occasional Wendy’s french fry is also given.

*Wendy’s has superior fries to all other fast food chains other than 5 Guys, but 5 Guys has a lack of nugget on their menu.

*Fortunately, a 5 Guys is right beside a Wendy’s in Brooklyn (and a Vitamin shop..weird) so the fry/nugget combo can be placed in the proper meal. (Starbucks as well.)

Lest you think I am all fry and no function. Let me share with you a recipe!

Thai-Spiced Whole Cauliflower

thai spiced cauliflower thai spiced cauliflower

Thai-Spiced Whole Cauliflower

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: marinate overnight

Cook Time: 40 minutes

Keywords: roast appetizer entree side vegan dairy-free gluten-free kosher Thai

Ingredients (one head)

  • one medium head of cauliflower

for the marinade

  • 1 tsp fish sauce
  • juice of one lime
  • 1 tsp thai chili paste
  • 1 tbsp ground fresh garlic
  • 1 tsp ground fresh ginger
  • 2 tbsp soy sauce
  • 2 tbsp creamy NATURAL peanut butter
  • 3 tbsp coconut oil
  • 1 tsp sesame oil
  • 1/2 cup orange juice
  • fresh ground black pepper

Instructions

combine all ingredients in a bag

mash around until combined

add in cauliflower

seal bag

toss to coat

set bag with marinating cauliflower in dish

marinate overnight

roast in 400F oven for 30-40 minutes, covering with foil for the first half of the cooking time.

serve with cilantro and crushed peanuts (optional)

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10 thoughts on “That Boy Had Stones.

  1. Okay. I'll try this. I tried roasting a whole cauliflower with olive oil, salt and pepper and I thought it tasted like butt. This though...this sounds good. Hubs bought an ice cream sandwich for us to share. It was vanilla ice cream between chocolate chip cookies and there was bacon in the ice cream. It SOUNDED like heaven. IT WAS HORRIBLE. So disappointing.
  2. I made a very similar dish not too long ago and it was out of this world, delicious! I will definitely be attempting to recreating yours. It's such a simple and delicious dish to make. Thanks for sharing!

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