A Prince, His Goat, and Rush Limbaugh

Have you ever experienced a sort of pervicacious ennui that feels as though it’s dragging you down a rabbit hole filled with “just don’t give a damn?” I feel as though I’m stuck there right now, and I need to find some tea cake or magic potion labeled “drink me” to peel back the threat of The Nothing that’s encroaching.

It’s as though every fuck I have to give has been taken by the fuck-stealer.

*Also, “fuck-stealer” is either going to be a new sort of sub-genre pornomance novel, (like this) or perhaps a new creature which was previously unknown to medieval historians,  found in a beastiary buried with a partially-mummified British prince and his trusty goat.*

I always hear people droning on about the value of boredom, but I am certain, that for some people, that is a complete crock of shit. People like me, disruptive types¹ with rampaging ADHD that borders on next-level batshit. For us, boredom is a very bad thing. As an adult, I’m fairly good at devising ways to occupy my time to keep me sane, (endless hours of exercise, research, and reading) but it can still lead toward some, shall I say, interesting things? Take for instance yesterday, I was having a very average day, and during that very average day, I was listening to an audiobook, plaiting my hair; and like The Nothing that crept upon Fantastica, I was hit squarely in the chest with The Nothing. So what did I do?

I Facebook stalked people I hated in High School. Like a freaking spurned lover, I eagerly tore through their pages, looking for what they “liked”–Rush Limbaugh? Really? I’m relatively certain that even his mother thinks he’s a rank assbag with a megaphone–where they live, how they spend their time. All of that. I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t looking for ways to feel superior to those who once made me feel so inferior. It took a great deal longer than it should have to admit this was a stupid exercise in which to engage. Their lives and their successes and failures hold absolutely no meaning in mine, so why bother? I am no Pretty Woman frosty-pink lipsticked prostie to go back and throw my meager successes in their faces. –Not only because telling them that I’ve been in academia in some form or fashion for *cough* years seems less like a brag and more like a prison sentence when said aloud.

Shankaracharya, in his commentary of the Bhagavad Gita writes: “Self-knowledge alone eradicates misery.” I think Facebook stalking is the very opposite of this sentiment. Unless I’m learning that I’m quite the noxious character, given to fits of temporary insanity. Eradicate misery? Nah, facebook looks at that misery, undresses that bitch, and has its nasty way with it. I’m no ontologist to decipher the mysteries of the self, but I know what I perceive in the mirror.

Why on earth I’d let boredom lead me to the black-hole of social media, I’ll never know. Do you see what I mean? Boredom is dangerous. I will take four hours of researching the historical significance of the gifts Henry VIII gave each wife, and then going for a run, over that nonsense any day of the week.

(nothing says “I love you, but still may have you beheaded” like gold gilt!!)

**footnote¹: the handful of my former professors who follow my blog, are all readily nodding their heads at my “disruptive” comment.

Thankfully, the very act of penning this post, and getting it out there, in words, seems to set a lumos charm upon my ennui, at least for now.

I’ve also decided to come up with new baking recipes for the rest of the day. Healthy ones. There might be a crumble or buckle involved. For now, how about a crepe suzette cake?

I’m not going to lie, while this cake is a “no bake” recipe, you will be at the stove for a solid 45 minutes (at least) making the crepes. What this recipe has going for it–aside from being delicious–is panache. This cake has STYLE. In a traditional Crepé Suzette, the crepe is topped with tangerine juice, and dressed with a Grand Marnier and caramelized-sugar sauce. In my version, there is zest in the crepes (lemon and lime, because, summer) and there is sugar brûlée between every layer. If you want the liqueur, may I suggest a sidecar??

Crepe Suzette Cake
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Here is Alton Brown showing you how to make one. Just use my recipe. Also? I find it easiest to use a 10″ offset spatula to flip it.

Crepe Suzette Cake

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 1 hour 30 minutes

Keywords: fry no bake blender breakfast bread appetizer side snack dessert cake

Ingredients (1 cake)

    for the crepes

    • 2 cups whole milk
    • 4 tbsp melted butter
    • 2 eggs
    • 1 1/3 cups AP flour, sifted twice
    • 1/3 cup sugar
    • 1/2 tsp lemon extract
    • zest of one lemon and one lime

    between the crepes

    • about 1/2-2/3 cup sugar
    • a firey implement.

    top the cake

    • powdered sugar
    • lemon and lime wheels

    for the crepe pan

    • a metric ton of butter to cook the crepes in.

    Instructions

    it’s honestly easiest to throw the wet ingredients into a blender and blend, and then sift in and blend in the flour a little bit at a time.

    Let this SIT!! I, like Alton, make mine the night before.

    heat a light skillet or crepe pan (because we all have those, right?!…no) on medium.

    melt a bit of butter, enough to coat the pan

    add 1/3 cup batter to the pan, and using a spatula, spread it into a thin crepe…or twisty-twirl the pan. look at the video I posted, and realize the first crepe NEVER works right.

    make a crepe

    place it on a plate

    add a heaping tsp of sugar to the top of the crepe, coating it as evenly as possible

    using a brulee torch, torch it. (optional, it’s good even if not bruleed)

    repeat this process, layering each crepe and sugar on top of each other until you run out of batter

    let cool

    top with powdered sugar and citrus wheels.

    *this will not keep more than a day and a half. It gets rubbery.

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    4 comments on “A Prince, His Goat, and Rush Limbaugh

    1. I’m relatively certain that even his mother thinks he’s a rank assbag with a megaphone…I’m closing up my internet for today, it has nowhere to go but down after that quote! Oh yeah, food looks amazing too. :)

    2. I succumbed to the Nothingness this past weekend. I think it was a good thing in hindsight, then again us crazy types do way too much thinking.
      Love the post, even in misery and coupled with Rush Limbaugh, you make me laugh.

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