Potty Humor.

Let us discuss rewards, shall we? We can call them bribes if you wish, but I prefer rewards. Sounds ever so less scandie, no?

For MONTHS I have been tirelessly plugging along, trying to potty-train my Peanut. She’s just over 2 and a half, and for the longest, she was completely and unabashedly going to use a pull-up instead of having the indignity that is the public restroom being forced upon her.

She’d use the potty over and over again at home, but as soon as we’d leave our house, she’d lock that idea down into the same region of her brain where bell peppers and spinach live. (if you can have a jail/hell in your brain, that’s where she sent it…along with the demon peppers and Popeye’s special food.) I’d go with her in the bathroom. I’d explain that this is just a fact of life that everyone need deal with in order to give themselves freedom of movement (no pun intended) in the world.

She heard NONE of it. I kept talking, and all she heard was “blah blah blah, Mom’s evil and wants to give me a swirly in the Port Authority baño from hell.”

At the same time, I was WELL AND TRULY struggling with my sugar addiction again. I was dreaming about the fine, white powder. I wanted to “Scarface” Tony-with-a-paper-plate-of-cocaine/sugar-all-up-in-my-face…that stuff. I wasn’t doing well.

Over the holidays, I think I ate more sugar than I did any other calorie. When I got home, and looked in my cupboards, I was aghast. I’m a HEALTHY person. HEALTHY people do not subsist merely on glucose! I was sluggish, grumpy, my anxiety was OFF THE CHARTS, and I couldn’t even focus long enough to read 100 pages of a book in a sitting, let alone figure out how to weight-train or write or anything.

It had to go.

Would I still test recipes and allow my kids treats in moderation? Of course. I simply needed to have a strong hand with everything else I consumed.

How in the fresh hades was I going to manage this while trying to convince my toddler that the bathroom at Target wasn’t going to eat her, and not want to stab myself in the eye with a dull butter knife? (use a spoon instead? wine cork?)

One word. Rewards.

I limit my kids’ screen time, and I’m very choosy on what they can watch, but one truth holds fast: My Peanut thinks the sun rises and sets with Mickey Mouse.

Netflix to the rescue. Streaming. On my iphone (in a lifeproof case). Playing Mickey Mouse. Everywhere.

“Wanna watch some Mickey Mouse while Momma shops at Target? Ok! You’ve gotta potty in the store.”

It FRIGGEN WORKED. I am SOOOOOOOO EFFING HAPPY to announce that my Peanut now finds the idea of EVER WEARING A PULL UP during the day ABHORRENT. Can I get a happy dance? Can I?

It also worked for me. I have a verysmallokayquitelarge old movie problem. So I do not allow myself to indulge, instead watching entirely too much children’s programming, if I eat too much sugar. I also stream old movies while I’m on the elliptical.

Note to others: A: singing “West Side Story” while on the elliptical is not easy. B: people stare. C: the trick is not to give a damn.

I’ve cut out 90% of my sugar intake. (NINETY!!!) By the way….everything has sugar in it. Everything.

So I made a new recipe. It has white flour, but NO white sugar. (though, they’re super similar.) ROCK.ON.

Belgian Pretzel Waffles

(more pictures coming soon, Jenn!…((she gets on me about taking “time” for pictures, she knows damn well I have the patience of a gnat on speed.)

You read that right. Belgian.Pretzel.Waffles.

This is one of those recipes that will knock your friends’ socks off. It’s the PERFECT brunch item, and it is as good with gravy or mustard as it is with syrup and butter. Beer cheese. Avocado. Honey butter. ALLLL THE TOPPINGS. all of them.

photo 2 (3) photo 1 (3) belgian pretzel waffles

Here is how you make them.

Make this recipe for dough, only DO NOT ADD THE SECOND SUGAR ADDITION. Also, use honey in place of the 1.5 tbsp of sugar in the entrance of the recipe.

Also, it says the recipe makes ten waffles. That’s about right.

when the dough has risen, separate the dough into individual portions, in a ball shape.

boil a big kettle of water.

add a good shake of baking soda to the water

when the water is back at a full boil, flatten each piece individually and boil for 30 seconds

cook in a waffle iron set to medium

when done, brush with MOAR BUTTER!!!! and sprinkle with salt. (I go balls to the wall with the salt, because I smother in honey butter.

There is no substitute for the eggs and butter and milk in this recipe, so just don’t bother to try. (sorry, Amy!! I’ll figure out another pretzel-waffle for you soon!! GLUTEN FREE AND VEGAN!) until then….eat this one for you and the architect.

I am compensated by netflix, inc but all opinions *even bad ones* are my own.


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One Response to Potty Humor.

  1. Damn you; I don’t have a waffle iron. Would it work in pancake form…pretzel pancakes? But then I’d be missing all the nooks and divots to hold honey butter. Pity.
    Congrats on the Peanut! A small step forward for mankind, and leaps and bounds for Cat and family.
    White sugar = Devil, devil. Oh how I love it so though. Sigh.

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