Safe Word: Will Smith

This time of year is typically spent with me grading 94379384769384 papers, watching “Love, Actually” all day, every day, and spending entirely too much in Jeff Bezos’ love den. This year, I’ve been busier than ever, and haven’t seen my lovey Liam’s movie ONCE. The tragedy of this falls somewhere on the scale between Old Yeller being shot for going rabid, and a bad cappuccino at Starbucks. (I said ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY DEGREES. THIS IS CLEARLY ON FIRE!!!)

Shut up, you know you have a peculiar order now and again as well, miss “do you have any butter I can add to my coffee? Can you maybe just keep shaking that whip cream until it becomes butter? I’m bullet-proofing it this month.” –I am not making this up. People are drinking greasy coffee. It’s a “DIET” thing. Meanwhile, I put bourbon in my morning coffee and it’s a “problem” thing. double standard if you ask me.

(just kidding. I hate bourbon. It’s vodka)

I haven’t even compiled my best books of 2013 list for the blog, yet. I am behind Time Magazine, NPR, Goodreads,, and that weird guy who works at the Strand bookstore who’s always trying to convince me that I’ll like sci-fi BDSM erotica. Not just aliens invading the Earth, but aliens with safe words and now ever-larger anal probes.  There’s probably no need for whips if you’re rocking tentacles. Just a guess.

“Small Wonders” meets “50 Shades” and suddenly Anastasia is fighting back.

I am, however, trying to do my best to take at least an hour every night to just zone-out. I don’t read, I don’t write, I don’t grade or work on my own graduate school work. I just chill. I walk, or I hit the gym. During the rest of the year, I am a social beastie a few times a week at the gym, mostly for motivation…not at the end of term! This time of year I can fully sink into my introverted nature, and say “sorry freeeeands, you’ll just have to know I love you, but Eff off a bit, k?” Ok, I may be nicer than all that.

The solitude feeds me. It nurtures me somewhere deep in my being that cannot be reached when I’m around people. I can think about recipes or next semester’s syllabi, or just the sound of my own breath. The demons don’t get to me as much when I’m in motion. It’s like they can’t catch up to me. I am apparently a really fast walker. Much like Jason Vorhees or Michael Meyers. Keep running, bitches. I’ll catch up to you at a leisurely pace.

As I said, I brainstormed recipes while running. Today’s is PERFECT as hell for this season. I’m kindofalittlebit obsessed with Swedish glögg, aka mulled wine (only drunkier) and I wanted to put a bit of a spin on the classic. The Swedes are pretty boss at the imports, read: Ikea, actors, rye bread. The original Swedish warming bevvie calls for nuts (which have no place in wine) and raisins (which terrify my sister) along with honey, brandy, and cab sav. I ditched the raisins and nuts, added cointreau, and POACHED PERSIMMONS IN IT. BOOM!

mike drop. minds blown.

Persimmon Mulled Wine or Swanky Swedish Glögg

Persimmon Mulled Wine Persimmon Mulled Wine

Persimmon Mulled Wine

Persimmon Mulled Wine


  • one bottle deep red wine (cab, shiraz, malbec)
  • 1/2 cup brandy
  • 1/3 cup cointreau
  • 1/4 cup honey
  • 1 vanilla bean pod
  • zest of one orange
  • 3 sticks of cinnamon
  • 2 cloves
  • 3 persimmons, sliced


  1. bring all ingredients together on the stove on LOW heat
  2. let heat until just simmering
  3. strain all but persimmons and orange
  4. put in warmer/crock pot for serving
  5. drink.responsibly. (keep your phone turned off so you don't take any naked selfies in front of the julgran--Christmas Tree)
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2 Responses to Safe Word: Will Smith

  1. Amy says:

    I’ll drink anything with an umlaut. (Although apparently it’s not an umlauted [word?] ‘o’ in Swedish, just an entirely different letter! Crazy!) (Also crazy – perhaps me?)

    And, I’ll read anything on your best of 2013 list, unless it involves anal probes. Please put a warning on that shizz.

  2. You are on fire with this post, my friend. I love the way your mind works and how the words flow. Perhaps I relate a little too much to your stream of conscious writing. You had me cackling the entire time. Seriously, there’s too many great lines to recite them all, but damn this was a good one and not just because it involved booze.

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