The Soulless Make the Best Bakers.

I think we all know how much I like sugar. Other than pulling me from the depths of my crazy, sugar is essentially the reason I work out. (first person who tells me sugar is a depressant, and is actually working against the forces pulling me from my crazy, gets a nut-punch.) Pies, cookies, cakes, brownies…they’re all perfectly acceptable reasons to sweat like a politician at the gates of Heaven.

I like sweets even more when they’re portable. Not because of my ability to eat and run, or carry them with me on various adventures, but because when they are smaller, it makes me feel like I’m somehow permitted to eat more of them. Remember those tiny boxed donuts from the 90s? (though, they’re probably still available) I loved those. Somehow, though, the serving size turned into “one box”, which I am thinking wasn’t their intent. Or it was. Sneaky powdered donut makers. 

My favorite tiny indulgence, is one specific sweet, from one specific baker. It’s the Bea Arthur cupcake from Robicelli’s. There are many reasons for this:

A) perfect cupcake-to-frosting ratio
B) it’s a mother-fucking mocha-cheesecake-drizzle-mouthporn-omg
C) it’s a people-size cupcake-sized cupcake. It’s not a tinkerbell-sized cupcake or a that’s-a-frosting-volkswagon-not-a-cupcake sized cupcake
D) Thanks to their book, I can now make it my damn self. (I can also buy it….very close to my gym…when their new bakery opens. We see where this is going. FINE, ROBICELLIS!! TAKE ALL OF MY MONEY AND EXCESS CALORIES!!!

Allison and Matt Robicelli wrote a cookbook. The BEST DAMN COOKBOOK I’VE EVER READ. If you want a comparison, I own seventy-five cookbooks, read 294857394867394 food blogs, and have perused many, many more. Before I tell you why you should buy the fuck out of this cookbook, and enter my giveaway for a free copy, watch the video below. (what? Cat’s doing a giveaway? Cat doesn’t deign to do such things! She’s way too lazy for such nonsense!) To that I say FIDDLESTICKS! This giveaway is worth it.

The best cookbook trailer I’ve ever seen. Featuring Matt and Allison Robicelli as Matt and Allison Robicelli. *they thought about playing each other, but Allison didn’t want to grow a beard before Movember.

Robicellis: A Love Story With Cupcakes  is the most “true-to-voice” book I’ve read in eons. If you follow Allison’s hysterical, honest, and popular tumblr, you’ll know she’s one of the rare super-intelligent, who is not afraid to appear overly-sentimental, personal, or to use hilarious hyperbole. She isn’t trying to be anything other than who she is, which is so fucking refreshing it may as well come with crushed ice and a straw.

(she is also just as fond of the “NY Super-language of elegant swearing” as I am. She warns the reader of this in the introduction.)

The flow of her voice, the way in which she she follows the ebb-and-flow of her stories to their natural conclusion; the way she explains complex procedures that previous bakers thought we “lay people” were all way too dumb to even attempt, keeps you reading until you’ve run out of pages. She encourages your ability to make amazing confections, and may also encourage you to piss yourself laughing. Just don’t pee yourself while you’re baking. You might have to stand in the sea of pee for a bit while you stir.

Fuck it, just wear depends.

The other reason I think you should buy this cookbook? (Just buy a box-worth and pass them out like Bieber does STDs)

less need for antibiotics
less need for antibiotics

One year ago, my city was dealt a devastating blow; not by men who wanted to kill America, but by the perils of nature. Thousands of people lost their homes, their businesses, their way of life. Parts of our city were, quite literally, adrift. Most of us (myself included) who lived outside the flood zone had people staying with us. We were all scrambling to understand what happened, and where we could help.

What Matt and Allison did out of their dry, Brooklyn apartment was nothing short of heroic.

They took their home and turned it into a home-base for relief efforts that they spearheaded, ran, and are still working toward. They had people making sandwiches in their living room that they passed out around the hardest-hit areas. They put boots-to-the-ground and got supplies (all kinds, not just food) to areas like Brighton Beach, Brooklyn and Midland Beach, Staten Island. They did everything they could to help heal and promote local businesses, and get them up-and-running once more.

I remember one day, Allison was on Facebook, coordinating efforts to get people diapers to Brighton Beach.  I was on a break at the time, and I remember showing it to the other people volunteering at the mobile dialysis unit (remember, many hospitals were closed) and some of the volunteers working were just gobsmacked at the speed and tenacity that Allison and Matt were putting forth toward helping others. I don’t think Allison or Matt got more than 2 or 3 hours of sleep at a time in the weeks following Sandy. If you’re ever feeling as though people just don’t give a damn about others, remember them. Remember what two people coordinated out of one NYC apartment.

Here are two of my favorite stories written about them post-sandy. Here and Here.

Buy the book for the writing. Buy the book for the FUCKING INCREDIBLE RECIPES. Buy the book to pay it forward, and support two of the most wonderful people on the planet.

Did I mention that they’re also both gingers? No soul=Better Cupcakes/Funnier writing.


Leave a comment  (with a valid email) telling me your favorite portable food. Contest ends in seven days. (Movember 6, 2013 11:59 PM)

I’m going to go get me a katkit cupcake now. (jealous? you should be.)

18 thoughts on “The Soulless Make the Best Bakers.

  1. Anything in a wrap! Breakfast, lunch, or dinner in an edible container! My fave (because I'm always running late in the morning) is boiled egg with lettuce, cheese and mayo.
  2. First, "it’s a mother-fucking mocha-cheesecake-drizzle-mouthporn-omg" is the best run-on sentence I've heard ever. Second, is it dumb that my favorite portable food is string cheese. What am I, like 8 years old? And lastly, if I could make pancakes with bacon on top portable, then that would be my favorite.
  3. My favorite portable food is Greek yogurt I take it in a lunch box with a Tupperware with my toppings in it and pour it in when I'm ready to eat it, I do this 3x a week usually.
  4. And here I thought that all food was portable??? Just fave would be a bagel - preferably one with all kinds of naughty stuff on it because if it is portable then the calories don't count, right? (hence, everything being portable, eh?)
  5. Favorite portable food: this is very hard. Probably burritos. I love me some Mexican cooking. I also love cupcakes, and have an entire Pinterest board devoted to cakes of all sizes. Pick me! I'll send you samples of my baking. :)
  6. Cupcakes are my favorite portable. I just bought this book, and they are my new idols. Aside of making me drool all over my Kindle and giving me mad inspiration, they are an AMAZING team and her writing had me giggling out loud. I would LOVE to win a copy of this cookbook, so I can give it to one of my baking friends that would enjoy it as much as I do. And I'm a new visitor to your blog - definitely adding this to one of my favorites!
  7. My favorite portable food. Good god, that's like asking me to pick a favorite feline and I simply can't do it, unless of course it means I get a cupcake cookbook. I'll tell you anything then. What's the right answer? That's the one I chose. I'm also in the throes of sugar bender,so I'm planning on breaking up with sugar. In fact, I started the process Monday, which means I'm literally jonesing for sweets as I type this. I would do bodily harm for a piece of candy or even a simple sugar cube, which is also why I need to walk away. Rest assured, I'm talking about a week off, so I'll be back on the sugar train just in time to win the giveaway. Favorite portable food = banana!! Pick me! Pick me! Too desperate? Fuck it, I don't care; I want a cupcake.

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