Tiger Sharks Need Personal Shoppers

My daughter has a new word. This is very exciting to me, as my kids were both late talkers, but the nature of the word is a bit frightening. The word is “zebra”. You’d think it’s because we watch a lot of the movie “Stripes” or “Lion King”, or perhaps it would even be due to our trips to the Bronx Zoo. You’d be wrong. It is because of her zebra print sleeper. She is more than a little certain that this sleeper is by far the superior one piece of her extensive collection, and has taken to requesting it by name.

I’d have been less surprised if she meant Zebra as something this guy would use as an attraction to get you to go to a club.

She’ll park her zebra right behind club promoter Trannie Oakley.

I do love feminine things, but I like mine with a distinctly “edgier” style. I am not a J Crew preppy or vintage obsessed hipster, or the like. What I am is the girl who searched for weeks for a pair of leather leggings that would be long enough to wear with heels or chuck taylors. I am the girl whose favorite boots are motorcycle, and who frequently pairs them with her floral sweater. I do not understand animal print unless it is on the animal, even then…tiger sharks? Yeah, it’s a little subtle, don’t you think? Darken those stripes if you’re going to eat me alive, I deserve that much.

I know, I know, don’t most girls have leopard print flats? I am sure many do. I do not. I’ve never been a fan. I do, however, have many moccasins and boots! As it stands, my Peanut is all in for Lily Pullitzer (pulitzer?) and Burberry.

I am so screwed. If this keeps up, I’m going to have to bribe this lovely preppy with alcohol and promises of Junior League donations to help me shop for the Peanut. Or I’ll just give her peyote and hope for the best. Both would be entertaining, I am sure.

I guess I’ll just feed my worry. I feed the worry homemade flour tortillas. When upon searching for the perfect recipe, I realized they all contained one thing: lard. Um, I basically never have that in the house. It never crosses my mind as something to buy. What I almost always have is coconut oil and/or butter and/or coconut butter.

This recipe is the one I used/adapted, so I’ll not post it. I understand what it’s like to have a recipe stolen and blown up, and it’s annoying as hell, and infuriating. I realize Alton Brown is rich enough not to care about my tiny blog, but I’m not an asshole. (mostly)

What I did to the recipe was increase the salt (I like salty tortillas like WHOA), subbed softened coconut butter for the lard, and whole wheat flour for the flour. You could also use a 50/50 blend.

What did I think? AHHHHH mazing. SO much better than store bought. When I used them to make a breakfast burrito this morning, I was in heaven. Pure heaven.