LadyVikings Singing Torture

I am going to say it.

I am OVER someecards. Yes, observational humor can be hysterical. It can also be overdone. I don’t think it’s yet as completely overdone as the “keep calm” posters, but it’s getting there. I admit that a jaunty drawing of a Victorian woman skipping while discussing drinking and swearing is lovely. It has now been done. and done again. and yet again. Let us move on, shall we?

The first person to design an Elizabethan meme gets a gold star. Any era with a piece of clothing called a “bumroll” deserves its own meme. I’m simply lacking in graphic design creativity. (look at my blog’s design for proof of this)

Moving on.

After work yesterday, I went to be physically abused by my personal trainer. She, like many people who live and work in and with the entertainment industry is bi-coastal. I am now learning that she expects us to be working out together whenever we are on the same coast. I wasn’t prepared for that. I always thought that with a trainer you worked out when you were one place, and that was it. As it turns out, she’s more than willing to kick my ass anywhere she sees fit.

Oddly enough, I like it. If you’ve never been pushed by a really good trainer, I highly suggest you try it. I was absolutely certain I was going to hate the whole experience before I began this endeavor, now I am absolutely certain that it’s invaluable to my fitness experience. I have the tendency to fall into patterns that I am comfortable with, crossfit, running, bodypump, having sex with the lights off…. you get the idea. I fall into ruts.

As the saying goes “what doesn’t challenge you, doesn’t change you”. This is true in most things, especially your fitness routine. After I completed Tina’s Best Body Bootcamp, I fell back into my day in-day out routine, and became complacent. My trainer, we’ll call her the LadyViking, makes each workout new and challenging. Yesterday, she had me throwing sandbags around like mother loving Rocky Balboa. I am many things, but Rocky Balboa I am not. After tossing the 25lb bag for what felt like the 7,000th time, I told her:

“I think I may die, I’m not even certain this is legal”

She laughed and told me:

“You’ve just now tossed it 15x!! You have 35 more throws!”

There are no strangely shaped and oddly weighted sandbags at Crossfit. Something about the malleable shape of the sandbag made it harder than any wall ball I’ve ever done. You see, I am Eastern European. I am Slovak, to be exact. Our people are so notorious for torture, we got our own movie (“hostel”), and this Swede made me sit up and beg. Are we *entirely* certain that Sweden is a non-violent nation in the modern age? Are we SURE they don’t work with the KGB? A more laughing, smiling, all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world KGB we don’t know about? Because, seriously.

Somewhere, that woman has a helmet with horns and leather kilt, the pillaging will be next, I am sure. She’ll pillage while smiling and laughing, making it infinitely creepier. Think “Clockwork Orange” with a LadyViking wielding sandbags.

For some reason, I love this about her. She’ll lead me to my grave while singing a cheery tune and laughing. AND she lets me have bread. (a wee bit) I’m keeping her.

but I’m still keeping the lights off.

Perhaps I shouldn’t tell her I want more than a “wee bit” of this hearty peasant bread. I want the whole loaf.

Date and Apricot whole wheat peasant bread

Some peasant breads, particularly those of the land of my trainer (Scandinavia) require a “scalding” of the grain before fermentation, I am too lazy for such nonsense.

This is a simple, straight forward, delicious recipe. The bread has a soft crumb and hearty crust. Though it has apricots and dates, do not overlook it for savory preparations such as a blt or grilled cheese, the savory-sweet combination would be lovely.