Muay Thai Toddler Wrangling

Gird your loins, scamps. The whole of today’s news programming will be SOTU responses, political GIFs, and water bottles.

I will talk about food. I will also talk about the gym. We can all eat, right? (left?)

For a role I am working on, I was set up with a new trainer. For this role, I have to achieve a “harder” look. This is coming off a series of auditions/roles where I had to have a more “feminine” look. (their words, not mine. ladies come in all shapes and sizes.) 

The trainer I was given insisted I only consume 15g of sugar per day, 60g of protein, and 14oo calories.

I was dubious. To me, knowing my activity level, that seemed LOW. I live in NYC, so A: I walk a LOT, B: I drink more coffee than what is probably healthy, but if you drink that much on an empty stomach, you’re asking for trouble.

On a typical day, I walk a few or several miles, go to crossfit 3-4x/week, and do 45 minutes of cardio 6x/week. Not to mention rehearsals/housecleaning/toddler wrangling.

I decided to take it to my experts, my sister wives, Gina and Jenn. Gina also does Crossfit, and has recently completed the Paleo challenge, and Jenn is a dietitian (call her a diet tits, she loves it) Jenn also knows how active I am, and the foods I truly love.

They both reacted with a “what the eff? Not enough calories, Cat!!” Precisely what I thought. I emailed my trainer.

I wrote: “I don’t think that is enough calories to sustain me, and do to my body what needs to be done.”

He immediately re-buffed my complaints, telling me in not so many words that this is his area of expertise, and I shouldn’t question him.

He is right that I am not a trainer, I’m not. He was wrong in that I shouldn’t question him. I’m not in congress either, yet I question them every day. In both instances, I get an a-hole response. Well, I get to vote who I want to represent me, and I get to choose who trains me. It wasn’t going to be that guy. When will service people learn that being condescending isn’t a good business model? If Tina of Best Body Fitness lived near me, she’d be my trainer, but alas, she does not.

Therefore, I needed to make other arrangements. Thankfully, the Viking knows approximately 495734976 trainers. He found a trainer for me who took one look at my previous plan and said “that guy doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground.” Of course, I immediately liked her for her use of foul language.

I am actually proud of myself for how I handled firing the old trainer…at first. I have a tendency to just tell people my honest opinion of them, and move on. That’s not always nice. I told him that I didn’t think we were meshing well together and I thought I’d go in a different direction for my training. He said that I wasn’t going to find a trainer who could do to my body what he could do to it. My sharp tongue made an appearance at his haughty tongue, and I’m not proud. It was a mistake. He deserved it, yes. The guy had said more than one asshole remark to me in the conversation, but I should have been more gracious and less like myself.

I responded with “Of course my new trainer can, she knows an active woman’s body and doesn’t need time to recover after.”

Totally inappropriate, but he really pissed me off with his semi-lude, barely veiled comment. This is why I can never have nice things.

My new trainer is awesome. She is a former Muay Thai fighter, mom, and marathoner. She is acerbic and hilarious. She has me eating CARBS before my cardio so that I don’t feel the need to fall over while rowing (and subsequently drown). She has me drinking recovery shakes. (did you know if you blend orange juice with pasteurized egg whites and vanilla pro powder it tastes JUST like an orange julius??) She doesn’t want me to quit Crossfit just to work with her. She’s designing a complimentary plan to work with my Crossfit, as well as working with my PT to get me back on the roads running.

The best thing? She’s designing ways I can incorporate my kids into my workouts. Amazing.

As Jenn would say, it’s time to “happy dance”.

An even happier dance, because I can have a FEW of these before I workout.

Almond Meringues.

They’re light as air, lower calorie for a dessert, and so, so good.

Do yourselves a favor, if you bake regularly, or like protein shakes, buy the pasteurized egg whites in a jar/carton. They’re easier to use, and you don’t waste yolk unnecessarily. I like eggology or EB or Lucerne if you’re on the West Coast.