Showing Your Lady Pointers on Fat Tuesday

Fake it till you make it.

There are eleven million ways from Sunday I put this mantra to use. Not in the mood to make dinner? I try a new recipe. Not in the mood to go to the gym? I invite the Navajo, who will not only motivate me, but he will also push me past the limitations I put on myself. Not in the mood to *ahem* “be romantic”? That is why G-d created pretty underwear and men who bring you coffee in bed.  (note to the ten straight men who read my blog..bring your lady coffee…it’s a thing…do it shirtless…it’s a better thing..to the several hundred gay men who read my blog every day, keep on doing what you’re doing.)

This morning, my kids were hungry, spilling my coffee, (not brought to me by a shirtless man..dammit) and causing all sorts of household hecatomb before 7am. I was really trying to keep my cool, and soldier on. If I let them feed themselves?? noooo…can’t even think about going there.  I slapped on a smile, poured another cuppa from my French press, and started making waffle batter for Fat Tuesday.

Ok, so they’re whole wheat, orange, and oat, making them rather lean, but I DID allow much butter and honey/condensed milk topping. Fat Tuesday obesity day starts at home, people.

The entire time I was scooping and pouring, I kept chanting in my head “fake it till you make it”, “if you smile and soldier on, you won’t end up banging your head into the wall.” It worked. The waffles were delicious, and breakfast was saved. I felt like Galahad in “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” after learning of his quest saying “G-d be Praised”. I then went on about my day galloping with clanging coconuts, and a pair of non-migratory swallows.

My point is that you can change your whole day/week/month/year/life by claiming that mantra as your own. Fake it till you make it. If you want to eat better or exercise more, start with what you absolutely know, and work from there. Live like a healthy person. You know that walking to the store is probably healthier than driving; except if you live far north right now, don’t freeze your toes and lady pointers just to get milk. You didn’t want ice cream, you wanted milk. Why would you take advice about walking to a store from a NYer anyway if you live in Anchorage?….(try the store walking thing in July) You know that non-fried food is healthier than fried food. You know that a veggie pizza is better than meat lovers if it has the same cheese/sauce/crust.

Do what you know, and learn what you don’t. It works. Just.keep.trying. Strangely enough, the more you actively live the lifestyle, the more likely you are to keep it up. Health is as much about routine as it is about motivation. I don’t always want to go to Crossfit, but they expect me there, because I go regularly. If I don’t go, my routine is screwed and the other Xfitters will probably make fun of me. LAME. I don’t always want to eat kale, but I always put the damn bag in my cart, knowing I don’t want to waste food, and if I buy it, I’ll eat it. The same goes for junk food, if I buy it, I’ll eat it. I don’t buy it. Often. 

Today is Fat Tuesday, though. Not much faking it needed. I used to be fat. I KNOW what makes fat. Obesity, thy name is breakfast. Pretend the waffles themselves aren’t ridiculously healthy, and only topped with the unhealthy. I’ll pretend they’re swimming in lard if you will. Seriously though, drizzle these bad boys with condensed milk and orange curd, and you will be in heaven. Or, if you’re giving up junk food for Lent, drizzle lightly with honey and smear with some nut butter.

Orange Oat Waffles.