Kegels and Cullens

Sorry for the lack of post yesterday. I was having some “feminine technical difficulty” and couldn’t move. (Did I just put that in red? Oh yes I did.) G-d bless you, Tylenol.

I really love it when bloggers talk about their ladytimes or their pregnancies, don’t you? Not because I’m interested, mind you. I like it because I like picturing their ten male readers’ faces as they read about various forms of leakage protection, kegel exercises, the placental buffet, and of course, hemorrhoids.

I sort of picture their faces looking like that of a horror movie hero coming upon a room bathed in blood. Oh G-d, the BLOOD!! Except for that one creepy guy. He looks intrigued, and it bothers me.  Maybe he’s just a Cullen or some nonsense.

Moving on.

I’d like to have a chat. I know this is shocking as I write a blog, but seriously.

Why in the hell is everyone on the planet eating Stevia laden foods like they’re the most delicious thing ever? Seriously. Is Stevia the new Splenda of 2012/2013? I’ll admit to trying it when I first heard of its “naturalness” sometime around 2006? I thought it tasted of ass. I tried a soda sweetened with it, and I thought the soda tasted of sweet, rank ass. I love all of you lots, but seriously, how can you NOT think it tastes like ass?

I admit, I have the occasional Diet Coke or Diet Dr Pepper. This mostly occurs due to peer pressure from my aunt, sister, and mom. They’re “heavy consumers” of the stuff, as defined by the industry. I’ll admit to loving it long time, but as a rule, I’m an unsweetened coffee and tea gal. I avoided them entirely when I was pregnant. I was sure it was going to give my baby a sixth finger on its right hand, and then would end up growing up to kill Inigo Montoya’s father.

My biggest issue with drinking it is the fear of the chemicals. I realize that both stevia and splenda (Sucralose) are listed by the FDA as “GCAS” or “generally considered as safe”, but what the hell does that mean from the regulatory agency that approved the assplosion ingredient known as Olestra?

Recently, I read a study linking one of the forms of stevia to malformations in rat fetuses. I realize it’s a rat, and not a human, but yeah…

In general, that’s my biggest problem with the protein powders that I ADORE. Most of them have one or more of these sweeteners in their ingredients. WHAT THE HELL, BIG COMPANIES??? WHY????

Why is it that in the richest damn country in the world, we seemingly treat our bodies the poorest? Fake sweeteners. Fake colors. Fake flavors. Fake eyelashes. (ok, those are AWESOME)

One hashtag I love on twitter and IG is #eatrealfood . Food that’s not been manipulated and born in a chemist’s lab. Food that grows of the earth or feeds of the earth. Hell, even real sugar or real butter or real wine. (It was good enough for Moses.) Mostly, though? Just simple, good food that is good for you and you recognize. Here’s the real kicker…we could perhaps even keep them in reasonable portions.  Apart from greens…keeps those in excessive portions…just don’t sleep in my bed after you do.

I want to see YOUR best #EATREALFOOD pics. Please, tweet them at me, or tag me in your IG photos. Let’s encourage people to make good food decisions that are full of whole foods.

Until then? I’ll give you something to make that is REAL food. REAL DELICIOUS FOOD.

Actually, I’m not exaggerating when I tell you these are the best effing potato wedges I’ve ever had.

Garlic Parmesan Potato Wedges