Murdered By Two Inch Dagger Wielding Elves from Shelves.

I had a whole post written today, and it vanished into the ether. I could begin to tell you about how much I hate my server, and how it is so NOT the hostess with the mostess, but instead I will tell you about how awesome my morning was.

Today was the Captain’s preschool Thanksgiving Pageant. Apparently, it is no longer en vogue to take an old pillowcase and turn it into an Indian Princess Dress (that’s what we called it back then). There were no pilgrims, there were only turkeys. Lots and lots of four year old turkeys. I don’t know how I feel about the lack of mimicked tribal calling, or tomahawk chopping, but my brain tells me that’s a step in the right direction.

Though, to be honest, I looked awesome in my paper feather head dress and pillowcase tribal wear.

They actually sang a song that the Navajo insists is a traditional Native American children’s song, and they rocked it out. There was swimming like fish in the the river, running like deer in the forest, and slithering like snakes in the desert. The Captain had the most enthusiasm of any child there. He RAN that deer. Like.A.Boss.

Afterward, there was a “Thanksgiving Feast” of cold cut turkey, can shaped cranberries, and cornbread. It was beyond cute. The Captain asked me if the cranberry relish was “jello” and I just said “sure, honey, if you need to believe that.” He thought it was delicious, either way.

You know, Thanksgiving may have origins that are more than a bit dubious, but I am thankful for the smile that wobbling like a turkey put on my son’s face. I am also grateful I was able to be there to see it.

What I am not grateful for, was the fact I had to take the pictures of my biscotti in all of 5 minutes because there were tiny hands clamoring for the “dipping cookies”, and also jockeying for best position to get to my coffee to dunk first.

I am woman enough to admit the fact that I made these cookies because I am too lazy to keep hoofing the 3/4 mi to Starbucks to get my gingbread biscotti fix. I mean, have you HAD those cookies? I think they’re laced with angel dust and elven souls. Do you think that consuming elves has the same effect as unicorn consumption? I really hope not, because, have you seen Lord Voldemort? He can’t even smell the gingerbread cooking! I think, that if the cookies were made with the elf on the shelf, you’re in the clear. That thing has it coming. Creeping about your house, all tiny and shit. Sneaking around, popping up where you least expect him, and then BAM! There he is, staring at you from your bathroom etagere, with cold, dead eyes and a blank expression that hints towards malice. It’s him or you, people. Kill or be killed (with tiny little knives, it will take a long time.)

So make these. Gingerbread Biscotti. Now.

Gingerbread Biscotti

by Cat Tan

Prep Time: 5 minutes

Cook Time: 40 minutes

Keywords: bake snack dessert Christmas cookie winter

Ingredients (20 biscotti)

for the biscotti

  • 1 cup dark brown sugar
  • 1/3 cup softened butter
  • 1/4 cup dark molasses (sometimes called “robust”)
  • 3 eggs
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 1 tbsp baking powder
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • 1 tbsp ground ginger
  • 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
  • 1/4 tsp clove
  • 1/8 tsp allspice
  • 3 1/4 cup AP flour

for the frosting

  • 2 parts white melting chocolate
  • 1 part butter


preheat oven to 375F

combine wet ingredients and whip for 1 minute

sift dry ingredients into wet ingredients slowly, in 4 parts, stirring each to combine

divide dough in half and form into biscuit sized logs, on parchment lined cookie sheets about 10″-6″-1/2″

bake for 25 minutes

remove from the oven and let cool completely

using a serrated blade cut into 1/2″ biscotti

place back in oven and toast for 5-7 minutes per side

remove, let cool, and drizzle with frosting

for the frosting

in a bain marie over a pot of simmering water, whisk together baking chocolate and butter

place in a piping bag and pipe over cookies

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13 thoughts on “Murdered By Two Inch Dagger Wielding Elves from Shelves.

  1. Great Pics, I'll pass this recipe on to my sister, she likes baking, better still she love ginger, funny I never took to the taste.. You look amazing by the way, I check to see if I've seen you in anything. Are you currently starring in amything right now?
  2. I made these last night and now can't stop thinking about them. Shared your blog link all over the damn place. Gosh, I love these biscotti. Screw you, Starbucks and your ridiculously spendy biscotti.
  3. Pingback: Saturday Shares

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