Taking Steroids in Baby Jail

My Peanut is all better. I knew this as soon as she woke up and starting throwing everything out of her crib. Blankets? I don’t need no stinking blankets!!! I need attention!! I need milk! I need to be LET THE HELL OUT OF THIS FRIGGEN BABY JAIL!!!

I acquiesced to her demands and she immediately darted off into our living room to fetch her stroller and shopping cart. If you’re going to push something around at the crack of dawn, it should be two somethings, and they should make a lot of noise.

yes, she scratched herself under her nose. Yes, you need two Halloween boxes.

As you know, I’ve been doing Tina Reale’s Best Body Bootcamp, and so far, it’s AWESOME. It’s basically a series of kick ass workouts with online support, and much instagramming. Of course, I love it. I did however notice one thing, people look at you strangely when you bring printouts to the gym. It’s a super good thing I don’t give a shite, and I tend to work out with a group. Granted, Graverobber tends to make fun of me more than most, but it’s expected from her, we love each other like whoa, and I may occasionally refer to her once and future husband as “The CryptKeeper”. I probably have it coming. Or she’s just super jealous of my awesome moves. I think we all know which one is more likely….Luckily, working out with a 6’4″ Viking, a very imposing Navajo (who is really just a big ol’ Buddhist teddy bear), and a Gaysian who looks like he could snap you like a twig who also has a half sleeve of Chinese tattoos? It helps. Broadway Baby mostly just sings and struts at the gym. It works for him.

Here are my top five responses to stupid questions asked at the gym. All have been asked of me…yes, I always answer with snark, if you’re lucky, you’ll understand my sarcasm, otherwise…well, I’m sure you’ll react differently.

Question 1: “Do you always bring your homework to the gym?”

Answer 1: “No, but when I do, it’s Dos Equiis.”- a Dos X respose is always appropriate, as I am obviously the most interesting person in the room.

Question 2: “Whatcha reading?”

Answer 2: “I’m proofreading my psychological profile…I want to make sure they didn’t miss anything…like my tendency to lash out irrationally.”

Question 3: “Hey, that move looks pretty tough!”

Answer 3: “Obvie not as hard as when they tried to move “Law and Order” to LA…yikes”

Question 4: “You know, you shouldn’t be drinking green tea while you workout”

Answer 4; “I find it helps me achieve inner peace, and helps me lay off my anti-psychotics”

Question 5: “You know, you’re going to bulk up if you keep lifting weights so heavy”

Answer 5: “Huh, I thought the steroids were going to do that….which one do you think works better?”

As you can probably surmise, I don’t love silly gym talk. That is, unless it’s before or after a class, or you want to compliment my awesome kicks, or talk badly about the kardashians. I’m actually good with all of those.  Also, as you can tell with certain questions (like #2) some questions are perfectly fine, and my answer is in line with that. “Law and Order LA” WAS terrible.

And my iced green tea (trenta) from the Bux is unsweetened, unlike your red bull, you ox.

I happen to be planning brunch for these lovelies, and I think you scamps are AWESOME, so I’ll be sharing one of the recipes with you.

In my humble opinion, few things are more ick than an over sweet pudding. ESPECIALLY bread or plum pudding. I prefer the egginess of the custard, not necessarily the sugary-ness. I tend to add very little sugar, preferring instead to add it post-bake, so everyone can add as much or as little as they want. This bread pudding is made with delicious croissants, chocolate almond milk (which isn’t as sweet as you’d think) and EGGS. Yummy, yummy eggs. Did I also mention…hazelnut butter?? Oh, I didn’t?

Nutella Croissant Bread Pudding.