Johnny Depp Needs A Tiny Monkey

I would’ve made an awesome pirate.

Not the terrible, real sort of abducting and desperate sort. The bar wench-cum-Johnny-Depp-jolly roger type pirate. I may not have the lady lumps to be a proper wench, but I’d excel at being the oft drunken captain.

One thing would have to go, though….the parrots. A: they often outlive their owners…they’re like the vampires of the avian set, and B: I hate birds. I would like a shoulder squirrel, or perhaps small primate, like a tarsier…

Picture us with matching eyepatches.

The real reason I’d be such an excellent pirate would be my strikingly strong stomach. Last night, at kung-fu, we were practicing on a fairly large rocking mechanism meant to simulate a boat in a strong current. We were doing this because the scene we will be shooting takes place on a boat. The big strong menfolk all got a little green around the gills whilst I held up beautifully. I eventually even figured out how to run from one side to the other while it rocked. It was a neat sensation, and the actor I work the most closely with looked like he needed a dramamine from just watching me.

I am putting this up to having spent two pregnancies completely under nausea’s thumb. I was also able to do something I would have previously thought completely impossible. Well, prior to taking Crossfit 4x a week, that is. One maneuver I am bid to do is to what basically equates to a very tall box jump–while holding an unsheathed sword in one hand, and heavyish bag in the other. It is not as easy as it looks when you see a similar maneuver on TV. It’s quite challenging, really, but I DID IT.

I love the sense of accomplishment I garner from things like this. Before I lost my weight, I’d not have dreamed about such a thing. Now? I feel able and strong and right with what my body can do.

I feel strong in my mind when I am running, and strong in my soul when I am throwing a ridiculously heavy ball at a wall, regardless of how effing ridiculous that sounds.

My body is strong. My mind is sharp. My determination is fierce. 

I want everyone to feel this sense of accomplishment. I want everyone to feel how their body can mold to what they make it. We all do not have the same abilities, but we can all do something we’re proud of. We can all feel our muscles re-shaping, learning the movements of the exercise, feeling our arms crave more weight, more reps, more action. It’s an intense rush of adrenaline. It feeds you. It nourishes your body. It’s necessary. It’s right.

When we were an agrarian society, we would bring ourselves to exhaustion simply by living. This is no longer the case, and we are now meant to tax our bodies by less-conventional means. Less conventional and a lot more fun.

Get out there and MOVE.

Then eat this.

Perfect Broccoli with Blue Cheese

These are sooo perfect and so simple. All you need to do is slice them, place some extra virgin olive oil in a pan, heat them to medium-high, toss in the broccoli, saute a minute, add some chopped garlic, salt and pepper, saute another minute, add a small bit of water and cover for a minute to steam a bit, top with blue cheese and SERVE! It’s super perfect.