Stand Naked in Ikea, and Take Your Punishment

Before I say anything, let me ask you if you’ve seen Jenn’s pumpkin basil cheese spread on HuffPo taste…I am ridiculously proud of her. It’s ranked NUMBER ONE. I may get her a foam finger…it may not be the proper finger, but it will still be #1.

I just found something that I am having a hard time pulling my brain away from…..THIS article says “Girl Scouts unveil new cookie box this FALL” Say WHATTTTTT???? FALL? As in a few months from now? I thought the cookies first hit my  shopping mall with their brightly dressed child slaves girl scouts after the first of the year.

Do you know my obsession with those cookies? It’s deep. It’s a damned near sexual experience for me. No, wait, screw that, thin mints and samoas can be better. Seriously. You can eat them while reading, watching “Dexter”, gliding on the elliptical, HELL, you could eat the cookies while having sex, if you’re into that. My husband really hates crumbs in bed, though. (and we have a 4 year old, so anywhere else is OUT…sad, I know.)

I am so obsessed, that I’ve developed a few, rather memorable recipes based on these tiny, shrink wrapped, not remotely natural, jewels of paradise.

The most notable, the SAMOA CAKE. Yes. You know you want one.

and the protein samoa bites..

Thin Mints…only softer.

If the cookies are coming out this fall, I will bulldoze every old biddy, slow walking tourist, texting dad, and seeing eye dog, to get to them.

This past April, the Viking and I were reviewing lines, and were down to the last five thin mints. This is obviously a worst case scenario, worthy of grim theme music, a rolling fog, and possibly a clown riding a tricycle. Could we have each had two, and split the fifth? Sure. Would we? Not if we were on a deserted island trying to keep one another alive.  (holding it to break it in half would melt the chocolatey coating even more quickly with the island’s humidity…not worth the risk)

That asscandle took the entire stack of five cookies and, in a fashion not unlike a cobra unhinging its jaw, ate all five at once. The immediate horror that flooded my being gripped me entirely. WHO DOES THAT?!??!? He claimed he was “saving me from myself” because of my stomach’s aversion to too many sweets.

Now, physical violence is often never the answer, but at that moment, I thought about long and painful torture techniques I could apply. I’m no expert, but I’m fairly certain that traditional Swedish torture involves whipping someone with a herring, while standing naked in the middle of ikea, while being forced to listen to Abba. It seemed a reasonable solution to my roiling anger.

In the end I decided on a classic; for the rest of the evening it was all “I’m not touching you” and repeating everything he said that wasn’t a line. Ten year olds really have the most appropriate forms of retribution.

In the end, my not eating the cookies may have been a good thing, but that didn’t make me less irritated.

Does this have anything to do with fitness, or weight loss, or eating healthy? Not a bit. I’d feel like a right hypocrite with the recipe you’re getting today. It’s so unhealthy, it’s laughable. That’s why yesterday’s Sunday Sweet WAS healthy. Because today’s recipe is a “treat”.

Am I going to the gym tonight? Hell yes. Did I work my ass off last night at work? Yes. Does that mean I won’t eat even healthier throughout the day in order to eat one? Hell no. Here’s the recipe. Eat it.

I’d call it “lime in the coconut cupcakes” but that would be cliche. Instead, we will just call them coconut lime cupcakes.

Coconut Lime Cupcakes. or in my case, Coconut Key Lime Cupcakes

Sweet, tart, light, fluffy, perfect with hot tea.