Kim Kardashian V. The Vatican

I slept last night. Like the dead. I even slept through several texts from Webmistress Jennivere (of WIAW fame…which is today) and the Navajo (of pretty boy at the gym fame). I can’t say I’m not upset that I missed the fact that the Navajo is fairly sure he just met the future Mrs Navajo on the F train, and that she is apparently, Iroquois and Jewish, and not Mexican like he thought. He had also been imbibing at a party, so we’ll see if Mrs Navajo pans out. By the way, he text me FOURTEEN times.

I do so love it when people become besotted, they’re so excitable.

Ok, back to ME! It’s MY WIAW after all. I should wear a sash…and a crown, eff a tiara, they’re for princesses, I am the queen!!!! (of the tiniest kingdom on the planet, and I have to wipe my subject’s behinds, it would seem)

With my sceptre, I bathed two pieces of bread with my homemade apple butter and some peanut butter yesterday. One for brekkie, one for lunch. Both times made me feel like I consumed a pile of rocks encased in a hot air balloon. DAMMIT. Right now, if I were famous, and on tabloids, they’d all say, “BABY BUMP!!!” because I look pregnant.

I can normally counteract my issues with enough probiotics and water, but lately? NOTHING. I know I’ve mentioned my inability to even eat the smallest portion of ice cream without becoming ill thanks to the stupid, stupid gastric bypass I had; but sometimes, bread and pasta, and some veggies, has the same effect.

Bread. Brussels sprouts. Broccoli. Pretty much anything with a LOT of insoluble fiber. My favorite breads are PACKED with fiber. I’ve been hooked since I was a kid. I may have been drinking my Mom’s diet coke since I was a tot, but she did make us eat wheat bread with our american cheese and miracle whip. Always. I’ll never be a white bread person.

My GI doc says I probably need to cut back only temporarily, until whatever minor damage I’ve done by eating it, can heal. I have NO idea what I’ll eat for breakfast and lunch every day. I almost ALWAYS eat oats for breakfast and a sandwich for lunch. Rice chex won’t taste good heated up. I’m sure of it.

Every time something like this pops up, I want to scream from the rafters “LOSING WEIGHT IS HARD, BUT NOT WORTH NEVER HAVING A TURTLE SUNDAY EVER AGAIN!!!” Which I realize is possibly the MOST contradictory sentence ever. Other than maybe “Kim Kardashian nude photos leaked to Vatican Magazine!!” or “Political Pundit pulls head out of own ass!!!’

What do YOU eat for brekkie and lunch? I need ideas.

Here’s what I ate yesterday….

egg cups, apple butter on toast, apple butter and pb on bread, salad, homemade apple chips, hainan chicken and rice with green beans..I may not have eaten the chicken. I tried!!

Speaking of apple chips. These were the TOPS. Soooo good. Homemade. I can help you make some.

Sweet and Sour Apple Chips

They’re so easy.

Slice apples suppppper thin, let soak in lemon juice for 15 minutes, bake at 250F for an hour. WOW. Sour Patch Apples. YUM.