Clog Dancing Batman

Just an FYI, if you have a 16 month old, do not braid your hair into long, pigtail plaits. Those plaits will end up as a dual set of whips attached to your head. Apparently, this is HILARIOUS, and NEVER gets old.

Ok, time for my most random rant of the week.

I love Dunkin Donuts coffee. I love them so hard I experience a physical and emotional ache when I am kept from it for too long. Have you ever seen “Trainspotting”? You know how the addicts get that shaky and glazed over way about them when they can’t get their fix? I look JUST like that, only heavier, less British, and with whipping plaits on the sides of my head. I am fairly certain I cannot even compose an understandable phrase if I go too long without my purple and orange caffeine directive.

I go from “Trainspotting”, writhing on the floor, to “Pulp Fiction” John Travolta post bump convertible driver. Bliss. If you aren’t a fan of dark 90s movies, I’ve just completely lost you. Let me bring you back….I go from Lindsay Lohan in “I was just arrested for a hit-and-run, and the whole world is about to see my ladybutton on TV,” to LiLo in “Mean Girls”. It’s that drastic.

I’m going to need to bleach my hair and get some frekles and boobs if I’m going to do this right….or not. Ok, maybe I would like a nice rack, not gonna lie.

The Dunkin nearest my house has done the unthinkable. They stopped selling the XL hot coffee size. This was my morning…

I walk into my Dunkin, tiniest tot in tow, hair disheveled from being whipped about my head, about 1 inch from total self-destruction. I’m harried as hell and I can’t take it anymore.

“I’d like an XL coffee. Skim milk, no sugar, please.”

DD Dude

“We don’t have XL anymore.”

Me

“WHAT???!??!?!?! Why?”

DD Dude

“The cups took up the space for the extra coolata cups we need”

Me:

(my brain is going to dark places at this point. I’m dreaming of finding someone drinking a coolata, and giving them a wedgie, or swirly, or perhaps a lecture on how coffee is a superior beverage.)

Instead, I just replied…

“What in the sweet clog dancing batman??? Who buys coolatas? This is a travesty. What sizes do you have?

DD Guy

“Medium and Large”

Me

“Wait, you don’t have small either?”

DD Guy

“Again, more coolata cups. We’re near the jr high, coolatas are our #1 seller for half the day”

Me

“What’s the #1 seller for the other half?”

DD Guy

“Coffee”

Me

“I live in crazytown effedupville.”

DD Guy

“What?”

Me

“Nevermind. I’ll take two mediums. That’s the same amount of oz as the XL, and a dollar more. Well played, DD guy, well played.”

DD Guy

“It’s not a game”

Me

“Yet somehow, I still lost”

blank stares abound.

I clearly need to find a new Dunkin to fit my needs. Good thing I only need walk one block more.

Friday LINK LOVE!!!

This one is not only for the recipe, but for the post title. You have to go to Jenn’s blog to see it. FABOO.

I’m thinking of doing Tina’s Best Body Boot camp. I really hope I can find inappropriate shorts that say “booty camp” on them.

Read THIS book. Do NOT buy the audible version. WORST reader EVER. The book is SO good, though. SOOOOOO fast. Incidentally, the author, Amanda Carlson is hosting a giveaway on her blog right now. The next book in the series comes out in April. I wish it were closer!!

And finally, here is a product no one needs or wanted before they created it, but now, you kinda want it, don’t you??? Nothing says “fun” like a pirate on your washable menstural pad. I bet the pirate would rather walk the plank.

8 thoughts on “Clog Dancing Batman

  1. I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH!!!!! I heard NYC is vetoing all supersized cups from drink rotation. Is that just soda? or is coffee on the cutting block too? also... i need some booty shorts that say booty camp... you should market those, i'm with Claire!

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