Don’t Skin a LOLcat.

By 10:30 AM every day, I’ve already walked 40 blocks. I haven’t hit the gym, I haven’t gone walking with a purpose for exercise, but I’ve already started racking up my milage. That is simply from walking the Captain to and from school every day, twice a day.

When I found out where my son would be attending pre-K, I was uncertain about the distance. On one hand, it didn’t seem quite so bad, 10 blocks to drop him off, walk ten blocks home, and then 2.5 hours later, do it again. Then I thought about it a bit longer. HOLY CRAP THAT’S FORTY DAMN BLOCKS. In general, if I am headed someplace that is less that 2.5 miles away, I’ll walk. What I don’t do, is bring my kids with backpacks, snack boxes, and screaming toddler tantrums. This could make a short ten-block walk feel like 30 miles. NYers walk a whole hell of a lot, at a quick pace, with single-minded determination. This is virtually impossible to do when your 16 month old baby is sitting in the ERGO baby carrier and thwapping you on the head.

So far, it hasn’t been quite so bad, apart from the thwapping. My son has a spring in his step, ready to get his learning on, and my daughter is happy thwapping. I am concerned that in the cold months of winter, which in NYC could stretch from Halloween to Easter, I may want to sheer the skin from the Board of Ed’s Chancellor. I chose skinning because that is what NYC wind feels like sweeping down between the buildings–like getting your skin sheered off.

Eye for an Eye, bitch.

Ok, so maybe instead I’ll just neglect to bake the Chancellor cookies for the holidays….but they’re a damn fine confection, and his life will be the poorer for it. He’s going to want to find the Doctor and get himself in the Tardis to zone my kid into the school that is a mere FOUR blocks from my house. Oh, and before you ask why he’s not zoned into said school, don’t bother. I HAVE NO FRIGGEN CLUE. I am going to start sending LOLCatz chain letters to the Dept of Education. THEY DESERVE IT.

I promise, I am going to consider ceasing in my bitchassedness. It won’t improve a damn thing, but it is oh-so-satisfying. I feel like skipping through City Hall giving random passersby the finger. I also want a theme song playing; maybe “Eye of the Tiger” or “We Don’t Need Another Hero”? City Hall is more thunderdome than the Thunderdome!! Also, if I brought Mel Gibson with me, I wouldn’t be the crazy one. (for once.)

Hypocritical for a healthy living blogger to bitch about an extra 40 blocks a day? Hell yes. Suck it, GOMI. Ask me how many effs I give….not a single eff. Not a single one.

I give MANY MANY effs about breakfast, though. If I am going to escort the fruit of my loins eleventeen miles in the snow, up hill both ways, I will need energy.

Protein Nutella French Toast.