Boob Punching and Tony Robbins

As I have mentioned countless times over the history of my little blog, I am a voracious reader. I have an appetite for books that seemingly knows no bounds. I rarely watch tv. When I do turn on the TV, it’s for the news, or one of the select few series that I adore.

This is because there is only so much Honey Boo Boo one human can take before she finally snaps, puts on her ass-kicking boots, and boob punches anyone being seen feeding a toddler soda.

I try to keep my inner violent streak limited to my MMA classes. It’s better for the world that way.

I am rarely ashamed of ANY of my reading. There was once a time when reading a trashy novel on the subway was a fantastic way of thumbing my nose at all of the intellectual masses who hold open to one page of their heady novel. I zoom through my paperback, thinking upon looking up, “I CAN TELL YOU AREN’T REALLY READING THAT CHEKOV, YOU NANCY!!!” Now, in the age of “50 Shades of I don’t give a damn” trashy novels are oh so trendy, and I will admit to wanting to feel contrary by reading my well-loved copy of “Pride and Prejudice” on the train. Mr Darcy totally makes Christian Grey look like an asshole. (Really, really not hard. Also? Elizabeth could teach Ana some things about SELF-RESPECT.)

There is one sort of book that the very idea of being seen with it on the train makes me cringe: diet books. I am given a ton of these to review. Most of them I flip through, no desire to read their contents with any sort of scrutiny. For the most part they all say the same thing, “eat less, move more, you can do it, look like me!!!” Every once in a great while, though, there is one I really want to read.

Bust one of those hardcovers out, and bring on the stares and awkward conversation. “Why ya reading that? You don’t look like you need to lose weight.” or “Is it any good? I’ve had 10 lbs I’ve wanted to lose for 10 years” (duh, hasn’t EVERYONE?) People just open their mouth and dumassedness comes out.

Why is it that a book about getting healthy garners more attention than Perez Hilton’s autobiography? One, theoretically, imparts wisdom, the other makes you dumber just for cracking its binding. The latter actually makes me think things like the internet’s version of “The Lottery”, where we get to feed one site a virus every year in times square.

I think people just refuse to ask for help, and do not understand it when others actively seek it out. Tony Robbins is no longer “En Vogue”, and “Dr Oz” is acceptable because he’s a successful, good looking surgeon who women flock to hoping for an “exam”. The minute you open a Bob Harper or Jillian Michaels book, all hell breaks loose.

I think I’m going to need to make new dust jackets for my diet books that read “I’m Practically Having Sex Just By Reading This Next To You”. I’ll not get a second look.

Speaking of guilty pleasures, I made a SERIOUSLY guilty pleasure for dessert yesterday.

It is a bar. It’s the beautiful bastard offspring of a brownie, a blondie, and pumpkin cheesecake. (in dessert world, a threesome makes a baby…duh) It’s rich, and sweet, and so, so, so decadent. For the pictures I cut them in fairly large squares, in reality, I’d eat a quarter of that.

Pumpkin Cream Cheese Brownies

by Cat Tan

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Cook Time: 40 minutes

Keywords: bake dessert

Ingredients (16-20 brownies)

for the brownie layer

  • 1 cup pumpkin puree
  • 1 egg
  • 1 2/3 cup brown sugar
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 1/2 cup melted butter
  • 1 tbsp pumpkin pie spice
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • 1 cup flour

for the cheesecake topping

  • 4 oz SOFT cream cheese
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract
  • 1 cup powdered sugr

for the chocolate drizzle

  • 4 oz dark chocolate, melted

Instructions

preheat oven to 375F

for the brownie

BY HAND whip together wet ingredients,

stir in dry until JUST combined

pour into greased 9″ square pan

for the cheesecake topping

whip the ingredients in the mixture

drizzle cheesecake mix over brownie batter

swirl a bit into the batter

drizzle with chocolate

bake 35-40 minutes or until set in the center.

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28 Responses to Boob Punching and Tony Robbins

  1. MizFit says:

    For some reason it seems when I’m reading di

  2. MizFit says:

    Uhoh. Tech world is against me.
    Keeps blocking my RANTY comment about busybodies and giving me unwanted .02!!

  3. Ellie says:

    Oh. My. God. Those look freaking delish!

    Have you read “Tell the wolves I’m Home” by
    Carol Brunt? SO good! I think you’d like it
    especially while eating that dessert!! :-)

  4. Ellie says:

    Oh. My. God. Those look freaking delish! Have you read “Tell the wolves I’m Home” by Carol Brunt? SO good! I think you’d like it especially while eating that dessert!! :-)

  5. Ellie says:

    Well, it posted twice. Sorry! :-/

  6. OMG, I’ve been dying over these since I saw them on Instagram!! I may just have to indugle, but not sure how I’d stop myself from eating the whole pan…I’m not that talented :)

  7. Caitlin says:

    Yeah, these are decadent INDEED. I appreciate your honesty in saying how much of each you’d eat, by the way. I feel like lots of bloggers publish recipes and take photos of these monstrous slices of cake and conclude the post by saying the slice was sooooo good. Maybe I’m a cynic but I either don’t believe that they actually ate that large slice, or I start playing that dumb comparison game and wonder why they can eat slices of cake like that and stay “slim” when I feel like I can’t.
    That got kinda heavy unintentionally! But yes, I agree with you on the diet books, they do seem to spark some strange conversation. I was reading a Michael Pollen book at work once and people walking by the picnic table I was at outside kept asking me why I was a vegetarian, just because of the large plant on the cover of the book. But due to the fact that I pack a salad beast for lunch each day, they still think I’m a vegetarian. The main lunch of choice here is Mickey D’s, so that may explain the confusion.
    I am such a reader too. I just love reading. I was a pleasure reading fiend as a child, and then started high school and was forced to read things I didn’t want to, and it all stopped. But as soon as I graduated from college I was back to books, and I’m happy to say that starting up my MBA hasn’t deterred me from reading pleasure reads along with my school books. I totally got an impressed look from a co-worker Friday when I was reading “Lolita”, and definitely felt a bit smug/holier-than-thou. I’ll admit it.
    Novel comment, concluded. Maybe you can add it to your Goodreads “read” list?

    • Cait – I am so glad you mentioned the serving size piece…I always wonder when people post all the pics of them “eating” dessert and huge servings…I’m always curious if they really eat the whole thing. Thanks for your honesty, Cat =)

    • I don’t want anyone to get the impression that all the sweets I post, I eat all of. I make them, take their picture, eat a bit, and then either freeze the remainder (in small portions, so you just defrost what you want) or I give it away. I love sweets, so keeping them in easy reach is bad news bears for me.

  8. Jane says:

    I’m making those bars this week, my “diet” be damned. You only live once, right? And reiterating a previous comment, THANK YOU for letting us readers know how much you’d actually eat vs. what the pictures show. I think it’s an underlying issue with food bloggers – it’s easier to show this luscious humongous piece of dessert, but you really shouldn’t eat all of it.

    And I read the best 50 Shades review EVER somewhere on the Interwebs – it pushed across the point (paraphrased a’course): this isn’t a love story. It’s about a manipulative, abuse man and a woman who doesn’t know anything about self-awareness. Trashy? Absolutely. Love? Nope. That being said, I read all three books in three days.

  9. I sometimes feel like people are judging me when I read books like that in public. But you know, I really like to learn. So most of the time, I don’t let that stop me from reading what I want to read. More power to ya!

  10. YUM! I totally want to make these gluten free!

  11. Ang says:

    Just out of curiosity, I skimmed the first few pages of “50 Shades” in the bookstore shortly after it came out. Ugh. How did this thing even get published? It’s poorly written, with very little (if any) editing, and the story is weak. *This* is the kind of “literature” (along with Twilight) that gives literature a bad name.

    BTW, I love your blog… I spent a week going through the archives, and I just wanted to say, you are FREAKING HYSTERICAL!!!! My new word of the day: dumassedness.

  12. Kierston says:

    I really enjoy your posts! :)

    Your recipe looks mouthwatering!

  13. My gogo juice is gonna make me wiiiiin!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    2 days bitch. I’m going to climb you like a tree.

  14. Drool. All over my keyboard.

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