I am sick of the bullshite side of the olympics. Gabby Douglas won the gold medal, what are people talking about? Her superb balance on a 4″ wide stick? How she flies through the air like mother trucking Superman? Perhaps how she has dedicated her yet short life on one thing so firmly that she has dominated it in grand fashion? No. People are talking about her hair. I’ll tell you what. I don’t give a single flipping F about her hair. I want to know what she wants to do now that she’s taken the top honors, will she go to college? Will she train for 2016? Does she have any super talented siblings that may be feeling a smidge left out right now? Hell, I’d even like to know what she eats for breakfast, but I don’t give a damn about her textured hair.
Today is also volleyball semifinals. Misty May Treanor and Kerri Walsh have a strong chance of winning gold again at these games. What are people talking about this morning on the news circuits? The fact that they’re in their 30s, and “Damn if I don’t wish I looked that good in a bikini at 35″. –This gem tore a strip of expletives through me that we will just post here as *line of expletives deleted*. There has NEVER been a team like Misty and Kerri. EVER. They seem to share a brain. Their movements are as coordinated as a synchronized swim team. Again, *line of expletives deleted*
Then there were the “fat” comments about some of the female swimmers from news anchors. Hey, douchegoggles, can you swim 300 meters that fast? If your dumb ass was caught in a rip current because you had one too many Bartles and James on the beach and then decided to take a dip, and they were there to pull your sorry asses out of the water, would you give a shit what they looked like in a bikini? Or would you be too busy crying for mommy because you *clearly* overestimated your awesome skills? That’s what I thought.
When I was swimming a lot as a kid, training for lifeguard service, and hanging out at the lake, I was in the best shape of my childhood/adolescence. I was still heavy, but I’ll tell you what, I may have been slow as molasses on a track, and may have never been able to even hit the hoop in basketball, but I could swim like a friggen mermaid. (I also sing, so maybe I was part siren? Am I reading too much mythology? Someone, quick, go check for men looking for me on the banks of Salt Fork State Park)
Do the anchors think that pointing out what people consider “abnormal” for athletes, or marginalizing their talents down to their abs of steel, or natural hair, makes people interested? Do they think it makes kids want to change their life by heading down the same path as these athletes? I’ll tell you what, I bet when all this is over, a ton of kids go back to school and say “I want to be an olympic diver,” or “I want to be like Michael Phelps”, or “I want to win gold”, I doubt a single one of them go back to their schools saying “I want to be an asscandle of an anchor on Fox News, and talk disparagingly about athletes who could kick my ass in any competition.”
It’s the athletes that inspire kids to get active, not the asscandles. Asscandles inspire people to throw their remotes at the television. Sony and Phillips thanks you, asscandles. If you insist on continuing your douchbaggery, my husband will thank you because he’ll finally have a reason to upgrade to a 3D TV, and he will inevitably hide the remote from me and block your channel like my dad blocked Mtv when I was a kid. (we knew the password…he wasn’t clever)
Moving on…or I’ll explode.
Last night was a fab Chobani event at their awesome new flagship Chobani creations shop in SoHo. (today or tomorrow afternoon will be a Physique57/Chobani post). Not only did I get to try some of their AWESOME parfait style creations, like fig, honey, and walnut, but they gave each of us a bag of their Turkish hazelnuts that they sell at their SoHo store.
I knew I had to make something with the hazelnuts and their fab yogurt. Something savory. Something healthy. Something awesome.
Whole Wheat beer, and olive bread with hazelnut crunch.
Pardon for lack of pictures, I had a 16mo hanging on me.
Whole Wheat Beer Bread
Whole Wheat Beer and Olive Bread with Hazelnut Crunch
- 3 cups whole wheat flour
- 12 oz dark beer
- 1 tbsp baking soda
- 1 tsp salt
- 1 tbsp herbs de provence
- 1 individually sized Chobani 0% plain yogurt
- 1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
- 2 tbsp honey
- 1 cup chopped olives
- 1/2 cup chopped hazelnuts
Preheat oven to 375F
sift flour, salt, and baking soda together
stir in yogurt, oil, and herbs
slowly stir in olives
even slower, stir in beer
pour into a greased loaf or casserole pan
top with hazelnuts
bake for 1 hour, or until a skewer inserted in the center comes out clean
let cool entirely before turning out