Buffy the Vampire Slayer has NOTHING on Me.

Just this past weekend, I saw no less than 10 blog and magazine posts about ways to burn more calories and stay more active throughout your day. These lists would include things like gardening, (ummm, does a windowbox count?) washing your car by hand, (I live in NYC, where I am I going to get a hose??) taking the stairs, (CHECK! Plenty of those!) mini golf, and sand castle building.

I don’t like to do anything the normal way. I don’t put my pants on one leg at a time; rather, I have my hubs hold the waistband, and I take a running leap into my pants, both legs at once. Ok, maybe not, but I don’t have a garden or a hose, or a convenient place to knock a ball through a clown’s mouth. Well, I don’t think I do. That last one may be easier than gardening for me.

So I decided to come up with a list of ways to creatively burn calories that even NYers can do.

1. run around like “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” with a large cross, chase people in the shadows, run up to them, cross in hand, only to say, “Oh, sorry, thought you were someone else.”

2. try to hide. everywhere. Behind thin trees, glass doors, unsuspecting strangers, etc. Your nerves will increase your heart rate nicely.

3. One word. Polka. Strap on your best suspenders and short pants and get to it.

4. greased twister.

5. a live “Clue” game. Beware, though; finding someone willing to be on the receiving end of the candlestick in the library, may be difficult.

6. tiny unicycle. Mostly because I want to see someone ride a tiny unicycle.

7. giant unicycle. same reason

8. chase a diaperless baby…their speed increases tenfold when they’re bare assed.

9. quiddich. the wiliest cab is the golden snitch. good luck. wear a helmet.

10. walk backwards. while wearing your clothing backwards. also? wear your glasses on the wrong side of your head….again, mostly for my amusement.

Will any of these burn many calories? SURE! Gardening and car washing may be more practical, but do you get to wear shortpants? Accordian music-the newest craze in ipods everywhere.

It’s so damned simple. Sweat a little. A lot. The reason I’ve kept my substantial weight loss from creeping back on is by keeping my legs continually moving, and keeping my hand from continually moving to my mouth. If I start to fall of the wagon, I begin again with my logging what I eat in a diary, as well as how much I move my body.

If I am not diligent, it will creep back on. Once your body has that memory of that weight, it wants it back. It’s our bodies way of preparing for famine. At 315 pounds, I was preparing a village for famine. Poor villagers, having to resort to cannibalism.

I also make sure that the calories I do eat are worth it–for the most part–sometimes, I like nonsense calories as much as the next lady.

Sometimes, even though I make my calories count, I want them to be decadent. Sometimes, I want to wake up in the morning to a buttered piece of quickbread, not unlike what my MawMaw used to craft in my family’s kitchen. When I was a girl, she’d make the most delicious banana bread, zucchini loaf, pumpkin bread, and apple cakes. The baking bread would fill the house with the most delicious scents of cinnamon and clove, fruit and butter. Altogether, some of my favorite smells in the world, and still holds vigil in my soul even these many years later.

Because of this, I made a rich almond butter, dark chocolate, and banana bread, with whole wheat flour, yogurt, and coconut oil, it is truly delicious AND quite good for you.

Whole Wheat Almond Butter Banana Bread

whole wheat almond butter banana bread

by Cat Tan

Keywords: bake bread breakfast dessert

Ingredients

  • 3 very ripe bananas
  • 1 egg
  • 1 egg white
  • 1/3 cup coconut oil
  • 1/3 cup greek yogurt
  • 2/3 cup brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup almond butter
  • 1/3 cup chopped dark chocolate bits
  • coconut milk to texture

dry ingredients

  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • 1 1/2 cup whole wheat pastry flour
  • 4 tbsp flax seed-broken in a pestle and mortar or whirred in a blender
  • 1/2 tsp salt

Instructions

preheat oven to 375F

whip together wet ingredients for 3 minutes

sift in dry ingredients and mix until *just* combined

add milk until it approximates a stiff cake batter or a thick milkshake, this greatly depends upon your yogurt and your bananas

pour into greased loaf pan and bake for approximately 40 minutes or until skewer inserted comes out clean.

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20 thoughts on “Buffy the Vampire Slayer has NOTHING on Me.

  1. I think this is your best post yet. Gosh, I love you. Every day = laughs but with a knock you upside the head quality message too. People really can overthink things when it comes to fitness. Sure, be informed, but follow the basics. They work.
  2. I like your list. Sometimes I see things like "walk in place while you watch TV". Ugh really? Moving around isn't punishment. Turn the TV off and walk around the block. I used to jump around like a superhero when I was little. Don't tell anyone.
  3. HA! Will you be my best friend! I was in tears reading your list. I used to love the living in NYC because of the the hilariously random things you see on the street. Have you seen the guy on 14th street who walks around with a real cat on his head? Good for core strength and balance I would imagine! You might consider adding that to your list! ~Cat

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