I have many things that puzzle me to the point of madness. Studying biology and physiology in college, often left me with more questions than answers. Our bodies are machines made of miracles, wrapped in enigmatic puzzles, tied with a quizzical bow. But the one thing that really, really baffles me about life in general is why in the hell does Elmo always ask a baby? What in the hell does a baby know about why you can’t mail ice cream? I am pretty sure that baby WOULD try to mail an ice cream cone.
That baby had no idea what in the hell it was doing. Do you know what, Elmo? Babies CAN’T SWIM. They’re much like my mother that way. Also, like my mother, they prefer to take a bottle directly before bed. (This is where my mother screams at me via voice mail, and I act like I am very busy.)
Babies also walk about unabashedly in their underwear. (That’s more like my dad!)
Babies are all confidence and bravado, with very little good advice on shipping options. I wish I had their confidence. They don’t have to fake it, it just is. What must that be like? It’s like they’re saying,
“Sure, I shit myself, and my pants are backwards, but give it a few years, and the roles will be reversed.”
Maybe they’re just all sitting in silent judgement. This is the most likely answer.
They should really be more like me and sit in very loud judgement. I mostly judge people by how much they’ve read. Unless you have a learning disorder, your library should consist of more than Sports Illustrated and XBox cheat books. Also, if you’re a writer, and don’t own at least 2 copies of Strunk and White, I’ll throw bagels at your head.
I won’t judge your weight loss journey, how you deal with food, or brand of flour you use. (ok, that last one may be a lie. King Arthur FTW) I will judge your unused kindle. I am a horrible bibliobigot. Though, I did read a study that most blog readers are very big readers in general, so you scamps are my kind of people.
Leading me to a new feature of B2B, “What the Crazy B is Reading Today!” (B does NOT stand for “baby”, btw)
Today I am reading “A Discovery of Witches” by Deborah Harkness. It takes place in an alternate universe of academia, so clearly; I’m loving it. People are calling it “Twilight” for grown ups, but since the heroine does more than stare blankly, and the prose is, well, PROSE, I’m going to say it resembles “Twilight” only in that the protagonist falls for a vampire, and it has a lot of pages. Unlike “Twishite” however, you like its use of pages. I am 3/4 through, and it saddens me to know I probably have less than a day before I am finished. I’ll be moving directly to the second book of the trilogy. After that, I’ll ask a baby what to read.
It just so happens I am listening to this on audiobook AND reading it on kindle, so I can multitask, like baking and reading. If you try to hold your kindle while you bake, you’ll end up with a scone pizza instead of scones. 
(I may know someone this happened to…texting, reading, and baking are NOT three peas in a pod.)
Good thing I listen, because I made scones. Cherry Lime Rickey Scones
Cherry Lime Rickey Scones
Ingredients
- 2 cups all-purpose flour
- 1/2 cup sugar
- 1 teaspoon baking powder
- 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1/2 cu[ unsalted butter, frozen
- 1/2 cup cherries
- 1/2 cup plain greek yogurt (I used Chobani 0%)
- 1 large egg
- 1 tsp almond extract
for the glaze
- 2 tbsp whole milk
- juice of one lime
- 1 1/3 cup powdered sugar
Instructions
for the scones
preheat oven to 400F
In a food processor combine dry ingredients and frozen butter
pulse on low a few times
in a second bowl, whisk together egg and yogurt
add egg mixture into butter bits, one tbsp at a time
press out into a greased and floured 9″ cake pan or onto a floured surface
score the scones into triangles or cut into 2″ round biscuits and place on a cookie sheet.
bake 20 minutes or until edges are golden brown
for the glaze
combine zest, sugar, and lime juice together in a bowl with a whisk
quickly whisk in milk
drizzle over cooled scones
eat
HA – love your rant on babies. A baby actually broke my water bottle yesterday. True story. Sneaky little turds.
Aaaand I will keep an eye out for flying bagels today because I do not own the book you speak of! I do enjoy reading, but I’m a slow reader and I hardly ever make time to sit down with a book. I’ll keep some cream cheese in my pocket just in case
YOU MUST GET IT!!!
Silent judgement indeed. Though our pets do that as well =)
YOUR SCONES LOOK BALLER! Way prettier than mine! I have a sudden urge to run out and buy a zillion limes now.
at least your madre reads ze blog!
Best summary of a book ever. Best.
And those scones looks awesome! I love the combo of lime + cherry.
Cherry lime rickey scones??! Genius. Um, I can’t stand Elmo and am so glad that my kids are over that phase. And I seriously do believe that my son sat in judgement of me this morning as he sat in his poopy diaper. His expression basically was, Yes, I pooped in my pants. I don’t care and I don’t care when you do too.
that is EXACTLY what he was thinking.
Post a book review when you are done! I want to know if I should check it out!
I totally will!
King Arthur? Now I’m judging you! Bob’s Red Mill all the way!
I am going to get this book immediately.
Also, a secret – I’ve never made scones. They intimidate me.
Bob’s Red Mill is good for buckwheat flour and the like. I am lourving the book.
Elmo’s just creepy, lol
Those sound delicious! I’ve never tried the cherry-lime combo, though – despite living close to several Sonic’s
Love the title of this. #ihatekids
my whole fam is coming over here for breakfast on my birthday.
they’d love me to make scones
will I? probably not…