My husband is naturally tan, and when the sun kisses his skin? The man is a perfect bronze. He has the kind of skin that Snooki would sell her firstborn for. (along with an unending supply of whiskey and publicity). I am naturally the color of pear flesh; somewhat yellowish, and very pale. I have birthed two perfectly bronze babies, whose skin no more resembles my own than my ass resembles Jessica Alba’s perky caboose.
This is why I blame him when I forget to re-apply sunscreen and get a smidge toasty. I am normally VERY good at avoiding the sun, or applying sunscreen, I have been since high school, and my goth wardrobe would simply NOT tolerate a tan. How can I brood and listen to sad music while making others uncomfortable if I’m touched with a healthy (looking) glow? It would’ve clashed.
This has served me well. So far, the only wrinkles I have are from the looks of sheer astonishment I give out frequently when I realize that “Yes, people really are that dim.” Because just when I think I’ve seen it all, a new season of “The Bachelor” comes on, and I am assaulted with 1000000 updates about it, and its few dozen women lining up for a chance at fame, love, a myriad of sexually transmitted diseases, and a future on whatever reality show Dr Drew is currently spearheading.
Today, I am giving myself those looks, for I am toasty. My face is fine, but my head, shoulders, knees, and toes are a mess. My hairline, my shoulders, the tops of my legs and knees, and the tops of my feet? Ouch. Now I suffer. Do you think in my home of bronzed beauties who wouldn’t know a sunburn if it burned them on the ass, there is ANY soothe-a-caine? Hell no. I get cold showers and a fan, until Walgreen’s delivery service starts at 9am. Damn. Along with my order of soothe-a-caine? More sunscreen, please. Melanoma is the number 1 cancer for people ages 25-29, and I plan on NOT joining in on that statistic. Plus, botox is expensive, not good for cleavage (which ALWAYS looks like leather if you tan), and face lifts make you look like Kenny Rogers (gasp!).
Yes, I am one of those people who think baking yourself in UV bed should be treated like drinking or smoking–illegal until you’re an adult. I also think there should be a much higher tax-per-tan fee than there is now. Unlike drinking, however, there is NO benefit to your health to bake your skin to a glistening leather. There is only risk. Risk, and trips to the Jersey Shore.
Being healthy for me means keeping my whole body healthy, and that INCLUDES my skin. I drink a LOT of green tea, seltzer water, and fresh vegetable and fruit juices. I eat foods that are anti-inflammatory, I work out, and I exfoliate like crazy. Though I do suffer from three-day-a-month acne, my skin and nails are pretty good. My first anatomy and physiology professor, a nurse practitioner, once told me that you can tell how healthy someone is and lives by the look of their skin and nails.
Protect the skin you’re in.
To help you along this journey, I am going to give you an awesome recipe, full of anti-oxidants, healthy fats, and fiber, which are all necessary to maintain a healthy body, and beautiful skin.
Poached Eggs over Whole Wheat Croutons with basil, spinach, and extra virgin olive oil.
The recipe is dead simple. Drizzle extra virgin olive oil over slices of whole grain bread, sprinkle with sea salt, and toast in a 350F oven for 10 minutes. Toss together a chiffonade of basil and baby spinach with salt, pepper, evoo, and lemon juice, and top all of it with a lightly poached egg. That’s IT. That’s all there is and it’s so delicious. The omegas from the eggs and oil+the vitamin C in the spinach, and fiber in the whole wheat bread, it’s stupid good for you. Also? Your four year old may steal it from you, even if he’s already eaten his own.