Drinking With The Cadbury Bunny

I trust everyone is having a lovely holiday weekend. You can tell it’s a holiday in NYC because half of the trains are screwed up, the streets aren’t being cleaned, and drunk people are wearing bunny ears. To be fair, it doesn’t have to be Easter for drunk people in NYC to wear bunny ears. I am fairly certain this probably happens year-round. Why can’t Cadbury eggs be year-round? The world would be a happier, if not fatter, place.

The bonus of wearing a bunny tail is that no one would notice how flat my ass is. No matter how many donkey kicks, lunges, running kicks, etc, that I do; it never improves. I fantasize about butt implants. Maybe I just need this…

sexy, right?

I think those bad boys could lead to EPIC vpl. You could possibly even see the outlineof the butt pads, right? What’s more embarrassing? Boob falsies or fake junk in your trunk? Could you imagine if you were wearing both?

“Oh. These things? Um, they’re flotation devices. I can’t swim.”

I would probably just laugh hysterically if I was dating someone and they found out that I wore them at an inopportune time.

“I PROMISE, I have a REALLY GOOD PERSONALITY.”

“I also have other qualities…”

It’s all about spin.

“It’s not an egg white omelet, it’s a muscle building meal.”

“It’s not cardio drudgery, it’s 30 minutes of ass kicking, fat slashing, heart pumping, brain food.”

“It’s not a prequel to pregnancy, it’s a birthday present to your husband.”

“It’s not actually your ladyparts exploding with all the fire and fury of an atomic bomb, it’s childbirth.”

Spin works on a lot of things, see? Including, for my chosen friends,

“It’s not days upon days of unleavened fun, it’s a challenge to see how awesome you can make crackers!”

Let me help you with that!!!

Mostly Everything Matzoh with schmear and lox. Perfect “I’m Jewish, but I dressed like a bunny and got drunk wearing ears” hangover food. (I’m looking at YOU, Rivka.)

This, is a process. An easy one. Take the matzoh, lightly butter it, top it with salt, the lightest sprinkle of garlic powder, the lightest sprinkle of onion powder, and the most gentle handed pinch of dried tarragon. (fennel is a no-no, and tarragon has a similar flavor) Put the matzoh in the toaster oven for approximately 4 minutes, top with cream cheese, lox, onion, and caper. MMMMMMMM.

Now I have to go prepare my cabbage and bacon for Halusky tomorrow. What are your plans?

12 comments on “Drinking With The Cadbury Bunny

  1. Ahhh I have the no butt problem too! My friends always joke about getting me one of those fake butt things and my mom thinks its funny to call me the buttless wonder. Because It’s a wonder that anyone can have such a lack of butt. Cool. Just writing this makes me feel the need to do like 100 squats.

  2. I had not butt and thighs until my twenties. My sisters always teased me.

    Family from Germany here. We are having a BBQ rib fest and then take a Looong walk on the beach. Enjoy your day : )

  3. HAHA! Your post made me laugh out loud! I cannot agree more with the way people put a “spin” on things. When I was in elementary school (I am now in high school) — I used to not talk very much in class, I got comments like:

    She is so quiet! We are concerned that she doesn’t understand the material … and comments like:
    She is so introspective and polite! We recommend her for the gifted program!

    Btw the lox looks delicious!

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