Jelly Beans Cure Nothing and Everything

Yesterday was extremely stressful. let me tell you, I was NOT handling it well. I ate a fistful of jelly beans, had two beers, peeled off all of my nail polish, clenched my jaw so hard I have the worst headache in my temples. I was not proud of myself. I couldn’t go running or to lift weights as I planned, so I did the only logical alternative; I went batshit. Because, when you can’t blow off energy with sweat, you can chew to death, amirite? It turns out, the jelly beans and beer didn’t help. Similarly ineffective? Looking up pictures of Don Draper, watching as many Lenny Kravitz as “Cinna” clips I can click to find, drinking 3 French Presses full of coffee, or driving through this:

The visibility was approximately zero, and NYers, being the cautious people they are known to be, decided it was a great night to FLY down the highway. Dear G-d, if flying cars ever come to fruition, NEVER EVER EVER let a cabbie drive one. We’ll all be be-headed.

Once I was home for the night, I finally grew a brain and zoned out to a book. Losing myself in the characters helped soothe me to sleep. I don’t know about you, but nothing says “sleep” quite like the eminent demise of the assassin who may be trying to kill you and your sister. (I *may* get a little too into my books.)

This morning is much better. I have a solid workout on the schedule, healthy food at the ready, just over 24 hours until the “Hunger Games”, and a batch of smooth, healthy balls to keep me smiling.

The balls are going to fuel me tonight as I will be climbing ropes, shooting arrows, dodging swinging sandbags, and tackling an obstacle course. I am over the moon excited for today’s workout. Normally the most terrifying things I dodge are legos on the floor. Have you stepped on a lego with bare feet? It’s like a tiny part of your foot explodes in anger.

Back to my balls. I apologize in advance for the shoddy pictures. A small child has absconded with my memory card. I’ll remember to hunt for it later. These balls, falling at a cool 100 calories and 6 grams of fiber and 3 grams of protein a piece, and 100% natural, NO sugar added or needed.

4 ingredients. That’s it.

all natural energy balls.

all natural energy balls

by Cat Tan

Prep Time: 5 minutes

Cook Time: 30 minutes rest

Keywords: appetizer snack gluten-free kosher vegan


  • 1 cup pitted dates, packed
  • 1 cup roasted, salted almonds
  • 1 cup unsweetened, flaked coconut,
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract


put all ingredients into the food processor and process until a meatball-like consistency, using a small scoop, scoop out level scoops, roll into balls, and chill.


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19 thoughts on “Jelly Beans Cure Nothing and Everything

  1. I'm a jaw clencher too!!!! I get that from my dad, and somedays (like the one you had yesterday) it gets really out of control. I hope today is much better - it has to be - Hunger Games is out tomorrow :)
  2. Barring birth, I'm seeing the movie tomorrow! Also, I love the Gin Blanco series. Have you read anything by Richelle Mead? I think you'd quite enjoy the series I just finished (Georgina Kincaid Succubus series), and I also liked her other adult series (which was 4 books long - and I can't remember anything else about it...White Swan? Dark Swan? Black Swan? I swear there was something about a swan in there.)
  3. So sorry to hear about the crazy- maybe the magic of Mad Men and 80's music can soothe better then handfuls of Easter flavored crack

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