Melting Men’s Shiny Pants.

Oh how last night’s baking was so close to being a sad sad disaster on the same scale as men wearing shiny, skinny jeans. (I saw this. Of course it was in hipsterburg, but really? SHINY??! If they were just a bit tighter I could have told you if he was Jewish or Goy.) Good grief I love a parenthetical phrase. I really need to break this habit. Or not, I’m lazy like that.

Back to baking! Lovely ADHD strikes again!!! I made a LOVELY cookie dough. It was going to be for cut out cookies! SAVE THE CUTEST FOR LAST, AMIRITE??? I have been baking since I was NINE years old. I have had virtually every baking disaster known to man. Last night’s however, was a first. (remind me to tell you about the fruit trifle with cooking sherry thing my mom and I made in a crock-pot once, WTF?)

I was preheating my oven to heat supper and stepped away. My cookie dough was right beside the stove, in my small, NYC kitchen. You can see where this is going. I melted my damn dough. That dough wasn’t ever going to firm up enough to be rolled out and cut. I improvised. I baked some of it in a sheet pan, saved the rest for a crumbly topping, and made bars. Surprisingly delicious bars.

Batch 30- “I really nearly almost completely screwed these up bars”

Half of those have nutella, semi-sweet chocolate chips and powdered sugar and the others have lingonberry jam, white chocolate chips, and powdered sugar.

Buttery Brown Sugar Bars or Brown Sugar Cut-outs
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What Goes In?

  • 1 lb Earth Balance or other trans fat free margarine
  • 2 cups brown sugar
  • 1 tsp baking soda dissolved in 1 TBSP warm water
  • 1/2 tsp baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 3 eggs
  • 2 TBSP vanilla extract
  • 5-5.5 C flour. (depending on size of eggs and moisture content of margarine. dough should be on the firmer side)
  • Jam, Nutella, Nut butter, or caramel for topping
  • white, chocolate, or butterscotch chips for topping
  • powdered sugar for dusting

Avengers, Assemble!

  1. Cream butter and sugars
  2. add eggs one at a time
  3. add vanilla and salt
  4. add in baking soda mixture
  5. sift in flour and baking powder
  6. if you are making cut out cookies-chill dough, roll to 1/4" thickness, cut out shapes, bake at 375F for 8-11 minutes
  7. For bars, spread into a half sheet pan until half full, save remaining dough for crumble topping
  8. bake at 375F for 20 minutes or until golden brown around the edges.
  9. Pull out of the oven and let cool.
  10. spread topping of jam, nutella, nut butters, or caramel
  11. crumble remaining dough on top of spread
  12. place back in the oven for another 5 minutes
  13. take it out and top with baking chips, let cool
  14. dust with powdered sugar


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