Swine and Virgins

It’s beginning to taste a lot like Christmas. Christmas and failure. I *really* wanted a different oatmeal for breakfast this morning. I get tired of the same old same old. Apple, banana, cinnamon, pumpkin, people, repeat. (Don’t tell me you haven’t had soylent green oatmeal. I won’t believe you.)

As in all experimentations, e.g. hairstyles, sex, hamburger toppings, (note to self-ham? good. Breakfast sausage? bad.you think I’m talking about burger toppings don’t you? I’ll never tell.) not all experimentation ends in success. Some need a tweak or two. This morning’s oatmeal was one of those times.

I wanted Christmas oatmeal. I had no idea what that meant. So I tried a method of adding a peppermint candy to my boiling water, along with cocoa, milk, and a bit of salt. It looked like poop and tasted like mud. Mud is good for skin and swine, bad for me. Just then, I had a stroke of genius. Mind you, this doesn’t happen often. In this way, politicians and I have much in common. Today-oatmeal, tommorow-the economy!

I started thinking to myself how I go about making my Christmas coffee. I do it with the purest ingredients, because the purest ingredients taste the best. This is why vampires like virgins.

Brooklyn Peppermint Patty Oatmeal – serves 2

  • 1 cup rolled or sliced oats
  • 1/2 cup milk
  • 1/2 cup water
  • 2 T dark brown sugar
  • 2T crushed flax or chia seeds
  • 1/2 tsp peppermint extract
  • 2 T DARK chocolate chips
  • dash of salt. (don’t question it, salt makes things taste sweeter)

Bring the water and milk to a simmer, add in sugar and extract, stir in oats and salt, cook until soft, top with a bit more milk and chocolate chips. Eat. Leftover oats can be stirred with more oats, eggs, milk, and baked. YUM.

And now for the gratuitous cute kid pictures. They both have their footie jams on. I can’t handle the cute.

What was your last kitchen fail?

Worst haircut?

-I had a short do that sort of resembled a poodle. There is NO photographic evidence.

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