I would like to introduce you to my new obsession, “Storage Wars.”
Standing in front of you right there are (from left) Barry, Jarrod, Dan, Darell, and Dave.
(aside, do you notice one of these guys has a strong resemblance to a famous dad?)
Now, they all have their fine points, if your definition of fine points buying a load of crap that people can no longer afford to store at auction, and then re-selling it at a profit to other people willing to benefit off of the misfortune of others. Maybe that’s not fair, maybe some of the former renters died, leaving their furs, antiques, and bedbug ridden mattresses.
Nobody on this show comes close to my number one, Barry. Barry the antique antiques guy. Barry, the man who fancies himself a rockstar Michael Douglas with less money and more weird shit. He generally buys some of the most expensive lockers and I am fairly certain he keeps a lot of what he buys. I imagine his home to look a little bit like a 1960′s poetry bar and the storage locker of Buffalo Bill in “The Silence of the Lambs.”
Oh Barry, would you like 5 minutes to see the junk, in MY trunk? But not my storage locker, that’s personal.
He has a certain “je ne sais quoi” to him. Like a creepy, old man hug that kinda smells good, so you’re ok with it. He does awesome things like give Dave furs from a locker that are clearly “bad juju.” (Dave, incidentally, would sell the shawl his grandmother died in if he thought he could turn a buck.) I talk to him when he’s on the screen. Laugh at his wiley antics, and I think he can hear me. It’s like spidey sense gone AARP.
So tell me, Barry, can you hear me?
Do you watch any of the odd A&E reality shows?
Did “Silence of the Lambs” scare the pants off of you?
-I saw it wayyyyy to young, like most things, I blame my mother for this. I was scarred. I don’t want to be a dude suit!!!